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+----- Thread: Lien's Letters to Home (/showthread.php?tid=856)
RE: Lien's Letters to Home - TetrisLover225 - 09-10-2016
In this letter to Khanh:
- Lien acknowledges a long break in between her letters because she was angry about something Khanh had said in his last letter: he said he was worried for Lien, because she was now 18 with no money or property to her name. She accuses him of sounding like their mother's side of the family. "I appreciate your concern, but fuck you." What does Khanh expect her to do? She doesn't want to tour with her music, and she doesn't want to have her work patronised in all senses of the word. She makes jokes about becoming a merchant, using their father's connections and her winning personality to get the deals.
- The jokes become serious. Lien writes about Lapis leaving and Nerissa replacing her as trade master with questionable actions. She asks Khanh for what he really thinks. Should she ask for their dad to teach her? Would anyone take her seriously? Lien thinks Zarkaylia especially wouldn't take her seriously, or even trust her despite Nerissa's actions. But the Elder is away, and Lien just has to stew in her insecurities until then.
- Lien writes about what other townspeople thought about her going into merchandising and eventually segues into Eyana. Lien doesn't describe much about Eyana to Khanh, just mentions that they live together, and sleep together. Yes, Lien isn't really over Zaira. Yes, Eyana knows. No, they aren't exclusive. It's probably a bad choice, but it's too late for Lien to go back on it. She tells Khanh to stop judging her because she knows he is. She makes a joke about how Khanh's wife, Mai, left him. "Sorry. Probably too soon." Zaira is suddenly away, anyway. Lien didn't get a goodbye, but heard from someone that it was about Bishop not coming back right away.
- Topic quickly changes to Khanh. Lien suggests some lyrics for Khanh's new song: "the source for all this indecision isn't me/because I decided long ago/but that's the way it seems to go/when trying so hard to get to something real". Lien is outraged by Khanh's former mother-in-law, AKA Thao's grandmother. "Who the fuck gives a kid chocolate before bed time? That's only something I would do!" She suggests teaching Thao to call the former mother-in-law "old woman", then pretending Thao came up with it herself.
- The talk about Nerissa earlier and now Thao makes Lien recount her experience with Vanessa and just how cute she is. Lien wishes Thao would worship Lien as much as Vanessa did. Lien hasn't seen Vanessa in a while. "I hope she's ok."
RE: Lien's Letters to Home - TetrisLover225 - 19-10-2016
Hey Khanh,
I don’t know about that apology. I’m still kind of mad. On one hand, I’m trying to become a merchant, so you’re right. But on the other hand, fuck you, no one likes you, I wish you were adopted.
I’m kidding! Maybe.
Sorry, the millionth sorry, for not writing lately. Again. I mean, I’m mad, but also not much to write on. Not much you’d want to hear about, anyways. Just dumb drama. Like I wrote a song for Kane and he blew up at me, big time, but we sort of made up. Don’t worry. He didn’t blow up, as in hit me. But for a second, I don’t know. I’m glad Zaira was there. And we really did just talk it out. Oh, and the Elder came back. She basically said no because Nerissa just got the job and even though she screwed it it’s not nice to just take it away after she just got it. True. I wish I had never asked though because even though she said that I just feel shit. Just kidding. Maybe.
Something big happened a while ago and I guess maybe I wasn’t writing because I wanted to talk about it with you, but at the same time I didn’t. It’s about Terry Riggs. I don't know where to begin. I guess I'll start with, he's dead. Like 99 percent chance of dead. One day I just went to visit him in the clinic and he just wasn't there any more. Asked the Elder about it. She said he was probably feeling better and out hunting. That was a long time ago. When the Elder came back we talked about it. She changed story, and thinks he probably went down to his sickness.
It’s weird, Khanh. I kind of feel a whole lot of nothing about it. Maybe because I knew it was coming? Maybe because I got to ease into it all slowly, then all at once. Or maybe, it just hasn’t hit me yet. I don’t know. I keep thinking about how it all seemed to happen in a bubble, like it could have nearly just been a part of my imagination because no one else really knew him, and I didn’t really talk about him to anyone else because of that. The only person I really talked about him to is maybe you, and the Elder, Zarkaylia.
I didn’t talk much to her when we talked about him not coming back. I guess, I don’t know, I was kind of mad that she changed stories. But I guess it’s not really her fault, it’s not like she knew the truth. And I guess if she did, she was just trying to let me down gently, or something. I kind of just said ‘ok’ and went back to doing stupid shit like teaching Kane how to dance. It’s weirdly easy acting like nothing happened but I guess in a way nothing did in that nothing happened to anyone else. Gods, I sound so dramatic right now. This is why I just don’t need to talk about this to anyone here. Don’t get me wrong. I do have to talk about it, but that’s why I’m talking to you. Only, I don’t know what else I should be talking about.
I haven’t gone out looking for proof. I’m kind of scared of what I’ll find. Fuck, I’m kind of scared of just going out into the woods for exploring and finding him on accident. And I guess I think he would’ve wanted it to be like this. You know, I don’t see what he looks like dead so I can remember him alive, or something. Khanh, what was it like when grandpa died? I mean, I know I was there but all I remember was grandma saying he was sleeping and I said, ‘but he looks dead’ and everyone lost their shit because Tuan wasn’t supposed to tell me what being dead meant.
I try to remember the better times with him because I think that’s what you’re supposed to do when someone dies, but I don’t know. All I keep thinking about is the last time I talked to him and how stupid it was. I kept talking to him about the treasure hunt like nothing was going to happen to him because it was all I wanted to believe, that nothing was going to change. And I bet he hated it. I think that’s all I had to get off my chest, but preemptively I want to say that no, I don’t need to go visit you guys again. I’m fine, really. It just stinks. This stinks.
Love,
Lien
RE: Lien's Letters to Home - TetrisLover225 - 24-10-2016
Brother,
No. No you don’t need to come here, really, I’m fine! I got your first letter and I decided to talk to someone, ok? Zaira came back and she told me what happened to her when she went away. It wasn’t pretty, at all. So I opened up to make her feel better. We cried like, all afternoon, then decided we’d pull a prank together like old times because when I wasn’t feeling sad, I was winning wagers against Kane so I could get myself some legal immunity. That is to say, I beat him in a game of flour tower and got myself a jail-free for a minor offense. Which means I could pull whatever prank I wanted and even though Zaira wasn’t part of the immunity she wanted in anyway. We took all the stuff from the inn and put it in town square. You’ll probably see what’s left of the prank when you get here.
Yeah, I mean, you don’t need to come here because of Riggs. But the Elder saw the prank and said, oh, we all must be bored, so she put me in charge of throwing a ball and of course I need you here because only one other person here can play music and you know. I don’t want to do it for half a night. Will you be paid? Yes, with the pleasure of my presence. And I mean you’ll have a place to stay and food to eat. I’ll send the details when I’m more certain but I need you to bring me my formal gown, the one with the leather straps for the backing. And you should bring Thao, of course! I’d love to hang out with her and I promise I’ll help you watch her. Oh, and you know how Loan’s third wedding had those beautiful paper lanterns? Can you ask her if she still has those and if so, can I have them? I mean, not to be insensitive but that was two marriages ago. If I can have them just bring them with you.
I feel a lot better about Riggs. Maybe because I talked to Zai and you about it, or maybe because the ball planning is a stressful distraction. I keep thinking no one's gonna turn up because everyone here is… well, most of them don't know any country dances let alone formal ones, and everyone has no formal clothing and hates the idea of having to wear some, and really… everyone here is used to the spring fair. Every two seconds I keep going gods dammit, I should just do a festival. I don't know. And maybe it's crazy but I wonder if the Elder is putting me in charge not just because I know this shit, but maybe she's trying to figure out if she can trust me. You know, with something like trade. Even though Nerissa is still good at it. I am crazy. Either way! I don't want to fuck it up! So you’re gonna do what I ask and come play some beautiful music with me! If you can get a tambourine, maybe we can set up Thao on it too.
Speaking of Thao: I think you don’t really need to worry about explaining death until it happens, I mean... It’ll happen. Not to be morbid or anything, we could be talking about an animal after all. The body stops working when it gets old sometimes. It’s all you got to say, and it doesn’t instill that fear that you know, she could lose you one day. If you want, you can sprinkle some talk about gods or about how our ancestors watch us. I say don’t though, because do you ever think about how fucked up it’d be if our ancestors could really see us? I’m sure they’d be so pissed off with me that I’d be struck with lightning by now. I don’t know. Ask Tuan if you haven’t already, I’m sure he could say something more factual.
Thanks for worrying but you’ve got to stop,
Lien Teeming with Dreams, Beams, and Self-Esteem
P.S.: If you didn't want a short letter, maybe you shouldn't send so many replies in such a panic.
RE: Lien's Letters to Home - TetrisLover225 - 26-10-2016
Dearest Bro Bro,
What? Can’t an adorable and semi-precious little sister call you brother, and in the same letter ask you to abandon whatever you’re working on right now to get on a ship with your infant child and come visit and perform with me in a town that isn’t actually cursed, but has a gruesome history and a dragon nearby? I mean… it was worth a shot. I changed my theme and plans for the ball three times but I think I’ve got something I’m set to keep. The ball is in summer and the other page is a draft of the invitation. The theme is… We Are Red! I don’t know. I wanted to do something seasonal but that’s pretty hard for summer without taking the whole thing outdoors. And then it just becomes a festival in formal wear. So the next thing to pick is colors, and… well, I asked you for those lanterns already (please keep talking Loan around for me), plus it’s easy to decorate and cater for a red theme. Red meat, red wine, red fruits, red flowers, red banners. You know, just fucking red.
I kind of hate the thing I wrote for the invitation. It’s a poem I guess but it doesn't rhyme and I don't know. Zaira likes it and so does the Elder, surprisingly. She's gonna scribe nicer copies because, well you know. Handwriting, cursive, hate it. Anyway, I guess… I hate it because it reads like sap. Which is dumb I know because I write sap all the time for songs. But it's different! You don't really take song sap seriously, it's just “don't stop, never give up, hold your head high and reach the top” kinds of cuteness. The invitation is supposed to be serious. And I swear Zaira and the Elder was just a fluke. I feel dumb, but it's too late now so please just say it's so good and Kane isn't gonna make fun of me.
I’m ok right now. Not much is really happening, just a new fling that you don’t want to hear about. Other than ball stuff I’m just hanging out with Zaira a lot. She went away and came back again just after our prank and I hadn’t been paying much attention to her. Probably should have though. A while ago I went to her house and it was all paintings, lots of empty bottles. I didn’t know about it because I guess I don’t really ask about him, but Bishop left around the same time as her and he’s not back. On top of that, he can’t write her from where he is. I don’t know, Khanh. She’s trying to quit drinking, and I gotta say so far it’s going better than when you helped Tuan quit opium. But I mean, one, it’s Tuan, and two, I guess I’m not that far into it.
It’s rough because I know why she’s drinking, she’s lonely and sad and shit about Bishop and probably bored because there’s not a whole lot of smith work to do. But I can’t really talk about it with her, because that means I gotta talk about Bishop. And… I mean it’s not like I can’t, but I kinda can’t. What am I supposed to say? I can’t complain about him, everyone complains about him, she’s fucking tired of it and I’ll just look jealous. But I don’t really want to defend him either. This decision they made was dumb. As for saying the truth, well… I guess it would just be complaining. I’m kind of angry, Khanh. Just angry that I had to get hurt and shit for them to be together and he goes off and does this. Fuck that! And I was rooting for him! This is about as bad as when I rooted for Kane. But I’m not about to start on that.
Enough about me. You can bring Phi, you can bring Loan, fuck, you can even bring pa but you can’t even joke about bringing Tuan, Khanh. Were you there when he said what he said?! That man is not my brother! You can call me dumb, you can call me slutty, you can even call me selfish… but no one, ESPECIALLY NOT MY DEAR FAMILY, can call me what he called me. Will not even indulge it with a repeat. Also for the Thao problem, you can either bring a laying hen or you can honestly just let her not eat. I’m not saying starve your daughter! But I am saying that she will eat something other than eggs before she starves, you just have to have the nerve to deal with the screaming before you get there. Just saying, it worked with Phi.
See you soon,
Lien
RE: Lien's Letters to Home - TetrisLover225 - 24-12-2016
Khanh,
That’s right! Surprise letter in your luggage! Well, why would you be surprised, really. I mean I left you a letter back when I visited and left. That feels like forever ago. Anyway, I just thought you might be bored or missing me on the trip back. By the time you read this I’m probably missing you too, but totally not enough for you to turn back around. I’m fine. Calm down. But I also do have some news for you that I guess I thought was better to say over a letter. It’s good news, I swear. But I don’t know. I want to say how I feel about it before you say how you feel about it, I guess.
Before the Elder left, that time you made me go to her house with her thank-you gift and that soup Tuan made, she said I’m gonna take over the trade from Nerissa. That is, I will be trade master. Trade mistress? I don’t know, it’s a dumb title for a job that already has a name! I’m gonna be a merchant, like pa. Well, not exactly like pa, more like one of pa’s contacts. I just had Nerissa show me the ropes, so to speak. She actually knows her stuff and I feel kind of dumb for thinking she didn’t just because she threatened someone.
I guess I’m happy. Maybe terrified, because the types that come by the docks aren’t always going to be well, safe. I think at least the first few times, I’m gonna get a bodyguard like Zaira, or maybe Mudcake. Or Kane, if he’s not too busy. I don’t know. Zark said something when she told me I got the job. She said housing was scarce or something, “you must pull your weight”. Tuan would’ve chuckled. I don’t know. It echoes what Kane said that time in front of the castle hall, about how I should become more useful.
You know how I feel about people saying this stuff. But it’s different when they say it now. It’s hard explaining why. I guess it’s because they said it after I decided to try something new instead of before, so it’s like saying, you’re doing this because you’re not good enough. And that’s hard to argue with, I guess. When everyone used to give me shit and pa called me a deadbeat loser, it was easy to say fuck you, I’m perfect, but it’s harder to say you’re perfect when you’re doing something because you aren’t. It hurts. And it’s why I want you to be careful when you congratulate me. I don't know how to break the news to more people. I feel like just letting it happen.
Thanks again, for coming. I didn't realise it until I hugged you on that dock that I've missed seeing your face and just hanging out. And it was weird at first but I'm glad I got to hang out with you in Nightveil. I was like a weird dream that you were here and talking to my friends. You hit it off with Kane way too well. I thought Tuan would get along with him more, to be honest. I still really don't get it, other than I guess two people can be too similar. Stubborn on stubborn isn't a party. Now that you’re out of town though, will you tell me what you guys talked about that you both insist didn’t involve me? The only other thing I can think of is either peacekeeping strategies, but that sounds boring.
I wouldn't worry about him. Kane, I mean. We have fights like that all the time, I guess. One time he called me a headache, and another time I didn't talk to him forever, but I think this time just brought us closer, especially since Zaira left for that wedding and well, that meant I didn't have anyone to talk about Solo to. I mean, I couldn't talk to Tuan, obvious reasons. Eyana, I mean stuff was weird with her too. And you? Well you looked so uncomfortable with your “it's your choice”s and “if you feel that way”s at the ball, admit it. You don't want to hear about it. Well neither does Kane but at least he's better at hiding it.
I've been thinking about the smoking again. I know you don't want to talk about it, but I guess the great thing about letters is that you can pretend I didn't write about it, and that's that. I guess I was kind of harsh on you about hypocrisy thing. I get it. You’re having a hard time. The things you used to care about aren’t happening, so why care about music, too? Well if you stop caring about it, that means you’ll eventually stop caring about me, and that can’t happen. I’m kidding. I don’t know, Khanh. I didn’t think much about the whole not loving Thao thing, but after seeing how you are with her still, after all this time… maybe what you need is to think about it like the happy family you envisioned isn’t impossible. It’s just different now.
I guess I also just wanted to thank you for listening to me. It doesn’t happen a lot! Kidding, again. But also, I’ve decided that if you go back to smoking, well, I can’t blame you. But you shouldn’t hide it from me. And! You should at least give some alternatives a shot. I was thinking about what you could do instead of smoking, to relieve stress or whatever. And, well it sounds crazy, but bubble blowing. You guys had the clay pipe for Thao and I think, it’s the same kind of breathing with an aesthetic effect kind of deal. If that doesn’t work, I also included some sheet music that you could help me work on. Contribute some lyrics, you don’t do that very often.
I’m out of stuff to write about,
Lien