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[APPROVED] Character Submission: Arkon - Printable Version

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[APPROVED] Character Submission: Arkon - cerberus23 - 20-11-2016

In Game Name (IGN): cerberus23
How did you find us? Been here, done that, got the T-Shirt, played the Xbox Game, and so on.

About You: I am, therefore I is.

CHARACTER INFORMATION



Name: Arkon

Race: Mesalian
Age: 27
Sex: Male

Appearance 


Equipment:


Pet:


Personality:


Theme:


Skills: 



RE: Character Submission: Arkon - cerberus23 - 23-11-2016

Backstory



RE: Character Submission: Arkon - LuckyLeaf - 24-11-2016

Hullo there Cerb, welcome back! Sorry for the wait, life held me up and demanded things of me, and your app was quite unconventional. 

So going straight into it, there's only one bit that I can point out. 

One vs Many: So, in chapter 8, Arkon manages to take out a number of guards who have armor, and are actively looking for a fight. The previous bouts of Arkon listed in the story give him the element of surprise: when he takes down the two bandits, and the guards harassing the Xitian lady. However, with perhaps the exception of the leader of the guards, Arkon fought, and won, in a fight with "several" guards in the eighth chapter, which I find quite doubtful. Considering the POV of the 8th chapter, I dunno how you can elaborate on that, but some details would be nice. 

I think that's it for now, if I find any other issues, I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible, but in the meanwhile, edit up and bump the thread when you're done.


RE: Character Submission: Arkon - cerberus23 - 24-11-2016

Hi Lucky,

I see what you mean, I'd intended to make it more clear that the soldiers were sorta secluded and on their own, so easy enough to dispatch when not expecting it. Also that there weren't quite as many as the wording made it seem. I've corrected and added a bit to make it more obvious what happens, and reduced the amount of guards in both scenarios, also added in another fight in chapter 8, so that he doesn't quite get off scott free as it were. Everything should be highlighted in green.


RE: Character Submission: Arkon - LuckyLeaf - 24-11-2016

Alright, I think everything checks out, I call this app APPROVED. See you on the server Cerb.