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+----- Thread: Lien's Letters to Home (/showthread.php?tid=856)
RE: Lien's Letters to Home - TetrisLover225 - 25-02-2016
Hey, Khanh,
Just thought I should leave you a letter before I take off for… Home? Yeah, home. Nightveil. It's weird to think of it like that because I always talk about you guys when I talk about home, but then what is Nightveil? Just this place where I live? I guess not, but that's not really the point of this letter.
The point is… I don't know, actually. I guess I want to say sorry for being such a drag during my whole visit. But that's not right, isn't it? It's stupid but sometimes when I'm feeling shit it's like people expect me to just be whatever they want me to be. It's kind of like pa except instead of Lien: deadbeat loser, they want Lien: clown, jester, ray of sunshine. You know? It's like I'm not allowed to be unhappy because being a happy person is what I'm known for so much. So I don’t want to apologise for being a drag.
I guess it's not really a sorry, but more of a thank you? Thanks, Khanh, for always listening to me even when you had to juggle it with Thao and work. And for never expecting me to be anything except what I am. And for hanging out with me so much. Gods, I had no idea how much I missed your piggy backs. And performing with you! It’s nice to dance to the songs without having to play my lute at the same time. I guess I want you to know I love you and even if your advice wasn't as good as Ma’s, you helped a ton.
I don't know what I'm gonna do now. Ma told me to be kind to myself the same way I’d be kind to someone going through the same thing but it doesn't change how badly my actions affected people. I want to help but I feel like I've already done enough damage. And you know, I'm just me. It's not like I can just write a song to make things better. It's not like any party can take back Tuan the dragon ruining their home because he was angry a stink bomb ruined his home.
I'm rambling. It was nice to see everyone. Thao is adorable and I'm bummed Phi won best aunt but I guess that's what I get for not trying. Gods, it was even nice to see Tuan, but don't tell him that, of course. You know, for all that shit he gives us, he's actually really nice to animals. Maybe he can tame a dragon one day.
It's a nice thought,
Lien
RE: Lien's Letters to Home - TetrisLover225 - 02-04-2016
Khanh,
Haven't gotten your reply to my last letter yet. Of course, that’s ok, but I'm sending you a new one because I can't really wait for a reply. I'm a mess. I have no idea how it happened. I just keep writing and writing all the things down for you but I don’t know. It’s just one thing after another. It seems ridiculous that the second I fix a problem, a new one comes up. But… I mean I guess that’s life, right?
I first started with what happened when I came back to town, but it feels like it was years ago, so now I’m starting from… what I need help with now. I could use your advice with getting over someone, Khanh. I don’t mean to rip open old wounds, but… what helped you get over Mai? I mean, I know that when I used to court people and not just see them in bed, I would just throw myself at someone else but I guess I don’t want to be that person anymore, Khanh.
It’s… a really long story but for some reason I think you know most of it from when I visited. I like Zaira, romantically. She’s my best friend and at one point she was with benefits but lately… I don’t know. I feel like I’ve said this to everyone I’ve talked about this to in town like a million times but it’s not quite her, really, it was more that I changed the way I feel about love, you know. Khanh, the last three years have been so much. I’ve learnt a lot on my own out here and I’ve learnt that there is still so much more to learning. Learning about learning.
I don’t know. You know how it was. I thought love wasn’t for me and I got annoyed that you decided it was for you because love was drama and it was never worth the effort. But then I heard people’s stories. Riggs taught me that love kind of is effort, hard work, devotion. Love isn’t supposed to be easy. And… I don’t know. When things got dramatic between you and Mai, I just realised that… drama is kind of inevitable, huh? Things can be so perfect but all it takes is… a difference in opinion. Not saying that the wee baby Thao isn’t a blessing, but… you know what I mean.
I guess at some point I just wanted to try it again, Khanh. I’m not in love with Zaira and I don’t know if I ever could be but I knew, I know, I like her. I’d like to try it with her… but yeah. She kind of got over me, she said. There’s someone else. I think that could only be her ex, but that’s a whole other thing. So fuck my life, I need to get over her fast or I pretty much can’t ever talk to her again without it being awkward.
Help me,
Obscenely Screaming Lien
RE: Lien's Letters to Home - TetrisLover225 - 03-04-2016
Khanhie,
Thanks for writing me back so fast: I can tell you wrote in haste because your T’s aren’t crossed at all. Sorry for making you worry I guess. But anyway, I did what you said and I talked to her anyway. I mean, it was a mix of you saying that the awkwardness was normal and unavoidable, and a mix of me just missing talking to my best friend. I mean, when you go through a rejection you kind of just want to talk to your best friend about it, right? Especially when like the next day you walk into the tavern and her parents are in town and her dad is just… a total cunt to you. Khanh, I hadn’t met him before and I didn’t even know him, and he acted like I was just trash.
Selfish, stupid, trash. I cried about it after I got out of there and I’m kind of crying thinking about it now. It’s so fucking unfair, Khanh. Just another person who looks at me and sees whoever they want. It’s a complicated thing because when I came back to town the meet was still happening, so I went to check it out because no one was anywhere else and… You know me. I had to see what I was missing. I didn't want to do anything but people saw me and were really happy I was back and even though I said I didn't want in on some dancing the tavern keeper said “come on, Lien”. And no one was saying it, but they were all looking at me like… “Why can't you just be yourself?” Lien, queen of the party and never the pooper. I guess it just felt like maybe I was supposed to be better when I came back. But I wasn't. Or I was but just wasn't better enough.
So I got drunk and just let myself be that person they wanted to be, but it didn’t last long because the hangovers were super mad at me, and I kind of made a fool of myself in front of Zai and her ex, so I just pretended to be the person without the help of Ko’ban fire-water. It was… surprisingly easy. I guess having fun even though everything is shit just comes naturally to me. I’m still not really sure if I was pretending or if I was just having fun with a side of guilt, but either way I talked to Zai’s ex and a Shaman (it’s kind of like a Ko’ban monk or a priest) about it and I don’t know. It kind of helped but it also didn’t help. I don’t really know who I actually want people to see, Khanh, but it still stings to know people just don’t give me a chance. Like Zaira’s pa.
Anyway. So I talked to her, and I guess I shouldn’t call Bishop Zaira’s ex anymore because he’s officially un-exed. Already. Which hurts, but it’s not like I can expect her to slow shit down just because I’m not over her. But other than that… it was nice to talk to her again. Wasn’t really as awkward as I thought it’d be, but… I’m just so over feeling this way, Khanh. It’s stupid. I though telling her how I felt would be fine because I wasn’t expecting anything, but really, if I didn’t I wouldn’t be so… affected right now.
Thanks for your advice, again. I don’t know though, I know writing songs worked for you and I know I was the one who gave you that idea in the first place, but every time I try to write one myself I just don’t know. I’m a kind of over writing songs about her. I already wrote two before this mess and all I wish I could do is un-write them. I wish I could just undo all that stuff I did because I didn’t want to treat her like another bed-buddy. Talking to her about pa. The songs. Not sleeping with anyone else, or even hanging out with other fun people. So songs won’t work. I think I just don’t want to fixate on her, Khanh. Or even kind of the idea of her, in that she was maybe another chance at love thing.
I guess I just wish I could make stuff go back to the way it was. So let’s just talk other stuff. Now that you don’t need to write so fast that you neglect pen strokes, how’s things with you? I mean, for me, other than her I’ve been ok. I’ve been leaning on other friends. I even sort of made up with this guy, the guard captain. I never really wrote to you about him, but his name’s Kane and he was kind of one of those people that I mentioned were tough to be friends with. But he’s shutting people off a lot less now, so yeah. I feel pretty loved around here even though… yeah.
Stop worrying about me,
Lien
RE: Lien's Letters to Home - TetrisLover225 - 09-10-2016
OOC: Introducing... place holder letters!
6 months of RP happened and I wrote nothing (ﾉ￣д￣)ﾉ
But! Lien has been writing letters. No reason for her not to, and in RP it's been mentioned so I do have to write them.
But!! I have a problem. If I write old letters I can't write new letters, and writing new letters is easier because writing about RP that happened 6 months ago is boring ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
So I just never write letters! It sucks!!!! I started writing the old ones but they take a long time.
Zark said I should just do some summaries of the old letters as placeholders, then edit the actual letter in later.
So I will!
RE: Lien's Letters to Home - TetrisLover225 - 09-10-2016
In this letter to Khanh:
- Lien gives advice on getting her niece, Thao, to sleep when Thao keeps waking up at night. "Just tie her to the bed. JUST KIDDING!". Lien says Khanh should try making Thao watch a clock: hopefully Thao will get bored waiting for the clock to say it's dawn and fall asleep again. Or Thao will learn to move the hands of the clock. Sleeping toddler or smart toddler, the world can not do both.
- Lien very very briefly thanks Khanh for doing as she asked and writing about something other than Lien's "sort of heartbreak".
- Lien quickly moves onto Kane and writes about the time they went into the tomb, "even more underground than the underground tunnels". She describes the beauty, "And it sounds creepy, but it was honest to gods beautiful. Like an orgasm for your eyes or something. Everything was that teal color I used to want to dye my hair to, and white, and gold. And there were these statues and pillars tall as towers and seriously, it was all underground. Acoustics were grand. And the way you enter is from the top looking down so I was just sitting there, looking at it, feeling small." She talks about how feeling small made her problems seem less like problems. Kind of. She still deeply regrets her actions with the dragon, but Zaira stuff is a dumb thing.
- She talks about how she originally planned to see the tomb with Zaira ages before, and up until she saw the tomb she had felt guilty about abandoning that plan: "I guess I couldn't care any more."
- Lien writes about Kane because Khanh asked, details a brief history of her relationship with Kane, their fights, but his support in the whole Zaira thing, and his attempt to cheer her up by showing her the tomb. "He's ok", she writes, but she adds more about how he was hiding the tomb because he wanted to protect it from looters, and how he was hiding the quote-unquote, "curse" of the town. She compares this to the situation with Zarkaylia hiding Terry's condition and wishes, among other things. She comments on what she feels is some hypocrisy from Kane because when they went to the Aether garden, Kane took something from the remains of a dead person. "It was a while ago, and I guess he's changed. But I don't think him finding the tomb happened after the change."
- Lien expands on Zarkaylia. Writes about the treasure/scavenger hunt the two are arranging. It's what Lien has decided to work on as a bit of a distraction for herself and the town. It wouldn't have been possible if Zark didn't keep secrets in the first place. Writes about the difficulty in finding something that everyone in town would see value in. She asks Khanh for suggestions, then asks what he's working on.