Theophrastus Bombastus - Printable Version

Theophrastus Bombastus was not born with that name. No, Theo was born without a name, to parents he'd never know. Taken at birth, like most Mesalian Slaves in the region, he was branded with the number 23 of his lot, and sold off to a Xitian baron. Raised under the abuse of slave drivers, Theo was used as a janitor for much of his young life. Though a slave, Theo was bright, and soon this became apparent to his owners, who decided to teach him to read and write, employing him as a lowly scribe during meetings held by his owners. Most of the time, he simply cleaned, wrote, and thought. He was quiet, and for sixteen years, he was a slave.

Then came the Lucins. Shining war hosts from the Celestial Realm liberated the Mesalians of the surrounding area, and soon enough, they liberated Theo and his fellows. Many Mesalians, eager to fight their Xitian oppressors, took up arms with the Lucins, but Theo did not. No, his time as a scribe and cleaner had left him with a unique opportunity as a slave. He had discovered the ideas of philosophy and science. He used his new found freedom to think, and to discover. He began to observe the world around him, and ask questions of why or how things worked. He traveled the liberated lands, learning to survive by foraging and catching small game. When faced with a predator, Theo would simply run, or fight them off with a tree branch. Eventually, though combat with bandits, rogue Xitians, wild animals, and duskspawn, he refined his combat method, using a walking stick as a deadly weapon as sparingly as possible. His combat method consisted of avoiding blows to tired out attackers. Those who refused to relent, or who overwhelmed his agile defenses, were subject to quick but strong jabs to weak points on their body. To fight Theo was to challenge a man in his prime, both physically and mentally. Years passed, and Theo wandered further and further, meeting people and speaking with them, before moving on.

After seven years of travel, Theo learned of the Purge, and how Xitians were hunted down and slain in brutal ways. Disgusted by his fellow man, Theo went into the wilds on his own, vowing to never take another human's life. Four years later, Theo returned to civilization. Upon hearing that the Purge was over, took the name Theophrastus Bombastus Van Hoenheim, the name of his former owner, and the name of the Lucin who freed him, in honor of all the innocent Xitians who had lost their lives. Theo continued traveling the mainland for another year, before settling in a small coastal village in the north. After settling down, Theo took a job as research assistant to a scholar, Varimos. The man taught him much, including human anatomy, and some theories of the physical properties of our universe. Of course, Theophrastus developed his own theories as well, challenging theories that his mentor had developed years prior. Upon learning this, the Scholar was happy. He told Theo that even though their ideas differed, that it was good to think for oneself. He taught Theo the value of the simplistic approach to science. Varimos's idea was simple, and stated that the theory to make the fewest assumptions was most often closer to the truth.

Six years after settling down, conflict erupted. The shaky peace that had reigned since the end of the War of Veld came to an end. Brother fought brother, sister fought sister, and civil war enveloped the land. Theo was saddened, and took to wandering once more. He traveled in the wake of armies, helping those who remained after conquest to rebuild their lives and homes. He would talk to people, give them advice, and for a time, it was good. His knowledge came in handy, and he aided in anything he could. From carpentry to tilling a field, Theo became a sort of jack of all trades, capable of working almost any odd job that needed doing. Perhaps his greatest job, however, was in helping people to accept the losses the war had brought. Though he never stayed in one place for long, he always left the people he met a little wiser than before, spreading the wisdom he had gained during his tutelage under Varimos

Ten years he wandered the mainland, helping and giving advice when he could. It could not last, however, and when he encounted a vicious warlord, Kaz the Ironfisted, Theo defied him. The cruel leader ordered a village to surrender all of it's food stores to the army, and Theo stood alone before the army, refusing. He challenged Kaz to single combat, if he won, Kaz would leave the village be. The Warlord, confident, agreed, under the condition that if he won, Theo would become his slave. Determined, Theo agreed, and grabbed his walking stick. Alone, surrounded by the Warlord's men, Kaz and Theo met in single combat. The warlord's blade swung in wide arcs, and the old Philosopher deftly dodged each blow. And so, for two minutes, Kaz railed against the agile defenses of Theo, not once getting a hit in. Then, as Kaz panted with fatigue, the old man struck. Three quick jabs with his walking stick, in the forehead, chest, and groin. The Warlord fell to his knees, gasping for air. "Leave these people be." Theo said, triumphant.

Alas, power hungry warlords are often known for their shoddy honor, and Kaz ordered his men to burn the village down. Helpless to stop so many warriors, Theo and the villagers fled into the woods. There, Theo left them, knowing Kaz would come for him rather than the townsfolk. He traveled north, to the coast, and chartered a ship to the Forbidden lands. He landed in a remote fishing village, and departed it into the wilderness. Three years later, tired of running, Theo saw smoke on the horizon. Thinking it to be Kaz and his men, Theo steeled his heart, and started walking towards it...