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+---- Thread: [Whitelisted] Whiteslist Application (/showthread.php?tid=315)
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[Whitelisted] Whiteslist Application - Draoen - 13-08-2013
In Game Name: Draoen
Why do you want to join:
I love RP servers. A recent one I was play went down. So I needed a new one to play.
Do you have any RP'ing experience:
Yes, I have played on a lot of RP server. I am great at Roleplaying.
Tell Us a bit About Yourself:
I am American who lives in Florida! I am 13 years old. I love playing RolePlaying servers in minecraft. I love playing computer games. I also like to have fun with friends.
Does your character bring anything to the setting (part from clothes):
Father's black hood. Mother's bow.
Anything you'd like to add:
No thank you.
Skills:
Apprentice sneaking.
Advanced archery. (This is my character. I suck with bows)
Novice Disguises
Personality:
Draoen is an outgoing person with many friends and very social. He tries to make as many friends as possible but if he doesn't like you he may become an enemy. Lots of people knew Draoen in his town for he would help people and try to keep them happy. Every time he helped people out he would tell a joke before he left. He kept his village happy. He can be shy if he has a "thing" for someone. If you get on his bad side he will fight and he is a strong fighter and very evasive, but not to the death because his kind heart could not kill a soul unless they have done extremely evil events. He is a real gentleman though. A person who is loving, caring, and determined.
Description:
He is a 24 year-old man with toned body. He is 6'3". Weighs 154 pounds.
Not as strong but strong legs and arms. Not big muscles but a size enough to look fit. He has long black hair that covers his left eye. He has light lime-green eye color. His hood is off. He is tan but a little bit lighter. He wears leather pants and a cotton shirt.(I don't have a color for it yet.)
Backstory:
Living in a small town where the sun is blazing hot and freezing nights, Draoen Steel was born when the Lucins where trying to restore peace. Draoen helped everyone in his village with his mother. They would help people in the village do chores and help keep them healthy. Unfortunately, Draeon's father had to be in disguise and act like someone else in the village because when he was younger he was an excellent theif. But the one thing that wasn't perfect were the battles that happened in the village. Draoen as a child was always scared and hid under the floor inside a secret passage. Thinking of what caused this to happen and which team has done wrong. When it was done some houses would be destroyed some times people would be injured very badly. But none the less, Draoen was happy with his childhood.
When they had free time and didn't have anything to do his mother, trained in archery, always setup dummies in the backyard and teach and practiced with Draoen with his archery skills. On some other time his father would teach him the arts of stealth and disguises. Draoen's dad being thief when he grew up knew all kinds of stealth moves and great disguises. Draoen didn't care if he was a thief he still loved him. Draoen was loved the way he was taught except the killing. But he never thought of the bad things he was learned only the good and usually if he did think of the bad he would overcome it and say "This is for my own good". To them, they thought there family was perfect.
When Draoen turned 15 a huge civil battle came between the Mesalians. They would come by their town and have battles and Draoen's mother would hide while Draoen and his dad would practice going into disguise and being one of them. Draoen's father would take out two of the soldiers quietly then take their clothes and take the bodies with them and hide them. Draoen couldn't watch the poor soldier die. He turned around thinking about his family and his life. They would then dress up and head out silently. Draoen's father told him what to do and how to act. When the battle was over they hid before the loaded everyone back to base and return back to there house. Finally, his parents made a decision they ran away from the village to find a new one.
As years went by they had a tough time but still trained Draoen for they knew something bad like this would come. Living in a new village wasn't hard to get use to for Draoen because everything was just like home except less battles took place there, but this time they were taking people and making them fight the other Mesalians. The Steels were in hiding in an unknown attic in the thouse but it didn't last long. Draoen's parents told him to run away to the ship that will take him to the Forbidden Lands, for peace will be restored by the time he gets there. Draoen was crying in tears for he could not leave his parents who he dearly loves. Minutes passed by and they were sobbing and hugging. His dad gave Draoen his black hood, the hood he used as a thief when he escaped a great escapade and his mother gave him her bow. Then his parents walked out of the door.
Draoen put his hood on and went out of the window looking back at his parents. Then he ran to the port to begin his journey to the Forbidden Lands.
RE: [Pending] Whiteslist Application - Zarkaylia - 14-08-2013
RE: [Pending] Whiteslist Application - Zarkaylia - 14-08-2013
RE: [Pending] Whiteslist Application - Zarkaylia - 16-08-2013
My points still apply and if I've pointed out something unclear it's cause it need revision to be made more clear.
As an example:
If battles did take place where they lived, please add that to the story as it doesn't state so clearly at the moment.
Etcetera. Good luck!
RE: [Pending] Whiteslist Application - Zarkaylia - 17-08-2013
Looking better, good job! Now there's just a few details and you'll hopefully be ready to go.
1) You mention he's no killer, yet also mention later that he and his father would kill to steal clothes.
2) Try to add his thoughts to the story. If he as example had to kill people or watch his father kill people after all, what did he think of this? What did he think of what he was taught? How did he take having to leave his first home where he grew up and what did he think of the battles? Etc.
3) You mention at the end that your character ran to the Forbidden Lands. It is a small but important detail that the Forbidden Lands must be reached by ship. So just adjust that too.
Good luck, you're almost there now!