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[Accepted] Application - YabviHoney - YabviHoney - 07-01-2015
In Game Name (IGN): TheScottProject
How did you find us? Yogscast Forums
About You: I'm an experienced roleplay, My name's Scott. I like playign video games, roleplaying, watching anime and youtube.
CHARACTER INFORMATION
Name: Domnall SuibhneAge: 35
Gender: Male
Appearance:
Domnall wear the furr of a winter wolf over him. But mainly he wears leather clothing insulated with fur. [/b]
Personality:
Domnall is a nice guy, He likes to make sure people are okay. But he's very weary, He doesn't trust anything or anyone, If something looks the tiniest bit shady he doesn't trust it, and he'll be very cautious and jumpy of anyone. Domnall doesn't trust anyone who uses magic. He's hardened and faces loss with a hardened face, desensitised to loss. He doesn't open up to people much, But he likes to listen and give advice. He also helps.[/b]
Backstory:
Born in the cold north of the Mainlands, His village nestled close to the mountains. The winters were long and harsh and the summers the same. They relied on hunting. When Craig was born his mother died, No one blamed anyone. It was taken as a sign, When he was born the snow was heavier than most days and a star shone high in the sky. It was a sign that he'd be a great hunter, go on an adventure but suffer great loss. And so he was trained, Taught to hunt but he was also given basic education such as to read but writing a thing he was never good at.
As in the snowy mountains his village was small, The Purges were lucky enough not to reach them due to the harshness of the weather it was thought by many that no one could ever live there. Some of them thanked the Witch. But of course the Witch had no real power, all she had was knowledge.
Without a mother Domnall was raised by his father along with his sister. Domnall found it odd at first, how he didn't have a mother. It was only when he was older he was told. It struck him hard and so he felt guilty for a while before his father consoled him on the matter. He would say, "You're mother would of rather brought you into the world than stay in it herself. Right now, I'm sure she's with the great huntress.".
His father and the rest of the hunters taught him since he was seven years old. He was taught harsher than the other hunters, he was taught more. Since he was destined to be a great hunter, many of the people in the village had faith in him that he'd do good and they all seemed to have forgotten his unfortunate luck.
As a child, Domnall was impatient and easily agitated. He'd always mess up a hunt in some way but no one gave up on him. As he grew older he became cocky and thought he was the best of the best which of course he was. When he was 16 the bad luck started to settle in. His friend,Kristoffer whom he'd known since they were at the tender ages of nine years old. After nine years growing up, hunting together and having fun he was killed. A large black bear, who was just defending her cubs at the time killed him. Kristoffer was always rushing ahead, trying to be better than everyone else yet he died young.
Then, three years later his girlfriend had died. They'd started dating soon after Kristoffer died. They'd spend so much time together, Playing in the snow like children they use to be, hunting animals, chatting and talking about what was to come. Then she was struck by an illness, She's cut herself on something, She wouldn't tell anyone as she thought it was nothing. Then a few days later she died, it was almost sudden. He was in pain, he spent nights cooped up in his room, not saying a word to anyone for weeks.
The Civil War. The village only hear a few things about it. He was 20 years old when a man walked into the village, with a large caravan of supplies. He was an informant for the village, Occasionally he'd bring in information from all over. He told them about The Civil War, And how this village would be safe because there'd be no gain in taking over the villages in the harsh, freezing cold. Then, after dropping off different supplies he was off.
Years later, after hard training, being taught all about the wilderness, how to hunt, cook, survive in the wild he was taught many other things as well but only to be such a novice in them. At age 30 he suffered a great and terrible loss, He'd lost much before but none as devastating as this . His father was killed by a bear, Then his village. A witch, One they all knew collectively as "Nursr Wescr" which meant North Witch. She was usually peaceful and quiet, keeping herself locked up in her hut high in the mountains. After a lone hunt, to cool off from his fathers passing he found his village buried in ice. He could only think of the smartest, so he headed to the witch for help. "You can save them, But you must go on a journey to the lands far beyond." He was shooed out after that.
He made his journey to the farlands, He found love that was was slain. A family he'd been taken in by and healed after injury, slaughtered. He faced loss where ever he went, Like a walking bad luck bracelet. Betrayed by people he thought were his friends and more. And finally he reached the far lands, Otherwise known as the Forbidden Lands
Capabilities:
Hunting -Advanced: Trained to live and survive in the Wilderness from the tender age of seven, He was taught how to live as a hunter would live in the wild. His village does come from a long line of hunters.
Fishing - Competent: Since he grew up in the snowny mountains the only place to fish was a frozen lake which not many spent time at, Due to the fact it was too dangerous to be near.
Survival - Advanced: Some times hunts would be long and tedious, taking at most two days to complete. So in order not to die during a hunt, You had to understand where was safe to sleep, what was safe to eat and what to do.
Long Ranged - Advanced: As taught to be a hunter he had to know his way with a bow and of course a sword but the bow was most important, His father taught him about all kinds of hunting bows and ranged weaponry.
Climbing - Apprentice: As a hunter you need to find a good vantage point, and you need to understand how to climb a tree.
Sneaking - Competent: As a hunter, especially in the snow, You need to understand how to sneak up on an animal as they are prey so they have good ears for this. Not only prey also predators.
Novice Swords - Apprentice: He was taught to use a sword to make sure the prey was dead and in case of a predator attacking.
Items:
A hunting bow.
Two quivers of arrows, One he keeps spare.
A travelling pack.
A short sword.
Additional Comments:
I know I've given my character a bit more than a few specialisations but for good reason you should know. I have explained well enough.
RE: [Pending] Application - YabviHoney - Hutchy - 08-01-2015
Title edited to suit requirement.
Hello, Yabvi. I'm Hutchy and I'll be helping you through whitelisting.
- Your backstory needs more relation to the setting's lore, which can be found here. You’ve already mentioned the Purges, which was a good start, but you must also mention the Civil War in the backstory, which would have started during his teen years.
- Speaking of backstory, you don’t do enough to describe the events that took place in the years between his birth and the age of 28. A lot can happen in that time, and you must follow the character through his life in this way. You don’t have to describe every day, but you must fill in this gap for your application to be acceptable. If you have trouble with this, I recommend that you look at the backstories of accepted characters here.
In addition, your character’s backstory doesn't do a lot to explain personal growth over his life. The backstory needs to show more description of how he was as a child, how he was through adolescence and then into adulthood. It is necessary that we see how the character has changed over the years before arriving in the setting. The death of his father and growing up without a mother, for example, how did this affect him? Please work on this.
- It seems you misunderstood how the skill system works. What you list are the categories of common skills. This, as described in the guide, is not necessary. For example, Wilderness - Expert is not a skill, but rather a category of skills, which are listed below the heading. As another example, Combat, Specifically Hunting and Long Ranged would be the two skills Hunting and Archery, which must both be separate in your character’s skill list and have individual ‘levels’, which are also described in the guide. Please revise this.
- Finally, you must remove /all/ mention of actual, observable magic as it does not exist in the setting at all. While witches do exist in fiction, magic, simply, does not. Please revise this.
That's all for now. Bump this thread when you have finished the necessary edits and we can continue.
RE: [Pending] Application - YabviHoney - YabviHoney - 10-01-2015
Boop. Updated.
RE: [Pending] Application - YabviHoney - Hutchy - 11-01-2015
Alright, Yabvi. Next round.
- First, you’re still lacking detail in your character’s backstory, and we’re missing large chunks of his life with little detail of what happens in between. The first indication of age we have is 16, and before this time, we only know what he was like and one-or-two main events of that time. If there really is nothing else that happened in those 16 years, you must take steps to fill out this time by being as descriptive of his training as possible. Not necessarily a small novel of detail, but more than you have right now. When making your edits, please try to keep indications of your characters’ age at certain points, this helps us follow your backstory.
- I’m not sure if it was a poor choice of wording, or another element to the story, but the mention of a curse is very sudden and, if anything substantial, will need explaining. If it’s just synonymous of his bad luck, please change it to read as such.
- Just after, we suddenly learn of two people close to him, and then they die. It would be helpful to your application if you could elaborate on the relationship of these three people over the years until their demise as we follow your character.
- I have to call out the civil war inclusion in this. A mysterious new person makes it through harsh terrain, that you later say no one can, tells them about the war, then disappears the next day. I’m afraid this deus ex machina is an unacceptable way of including the civil war in the story at present. There’s two options, one is to change this entirely, or to elaborate on who this person is, why they came, how they got to the town, and how why the disappeared the following day.
That's all for now. Bump this thread when you have finished the necessary edits and we can continue. In addition, in future, if you could please highlight your edits in a different colour to help make things faster.
RE: [Pending] Application - YabviHoney - YabviHoney - 12-01-2015
Bump. Updated.