17-04-2013, 05:52 PM
Thread Rating:
TinyTim77
Member
Member
MistahRye
Junior Member
Junior Member
17-04-2013, 07:30 PM
Updated.
Oh, and, "The only part of your backstory carpentry is mentioned is when Ryan "would watch carpenters and miners do their jobs, and he couldn't wait for the day when he could do those things." The mining makes sense since you elaborated further that he would go in the mines and learn from the miners, but the carpentry is not mentioned anywhere in the backstory (correct me if I'm wrong) from then on." is what you said. I actually do have parts of the story mentioning helping carpenters and starting to basically become a carpenter.
I also added a Personality paragraph and Appearance paragraph.
Oh, and, "The only part of your backstory carpentry is mentioned is when Ryan "would watch carpenters and miners do their jobs, and he couldn't wait for the day when he could do those things." The mining makes sense since you elaborated further that he would go in the mines and learn from the miners, but the carpentry is not mentioned anywhere in the backstory (correct me if I'm wrong) from then on." is what you said. I actually do have parts of the story mentioning helping carpenters and starting to basically become a carpenter.
I also added a Personality paragraph and Appearance paragraph.
TinyTim77
Member
Member
18-04-2013, 12:20 PM
Hey Rye, you're definitely getting much closer now. Just a few things I noticed in this edit:
1. You mention in the backstory parts where Ryan mines resources, but it is currently not in his list of skills. Keep in mind if Ryan just learned from watching people mine when he was younger, the level of knowledge he had in mining would just be labeled 'basic'.
2. What skill level is your character in carpentry? Does he just know the basics? Is he apprenticed? Novice? Expert of the trade? From what you have in the backstory so far, I'd say Ryan is probably an apprentice carpenter. Since he's 46, I'd suggest showing him practicing his carpentry later in the story so it's Novice at the least. A man of such high age should have more than apprenticeman skills at at least one thing of his life I'd think, but it's up to you.
3. In Ryan's free time, he would go into the woods and practice making fires and small spears and knives that would be useful for survival. He also would go to Jon Henley's house and learn about how he survived for 24 years in the wilderness before finding this peaceful town of Parithuga.
This part is a bit random and doesn't make much sense ICly. I'd like you to elaborate on it some more please. Why is he suddenly so interested in survival? Why would he randomly go in the woods alone with make weapons and fires when his interests lie in the carpentry and building inside of town? Who is Jon Henley and why is he important to Ryan? Why is Ryan so interested in his story? Etc.
Good luck!
1. You mention in the backstory parts where Ryan mines resources, but it is currently not in his list of skills. Keep in mind if Ryan just learned from watching people mine when he was younger, the level of knowledge he had in mining would just be labeled 'basic'.
2. What skill level is your character in carpentry? Does he just know the basics? Is he apprenticed? Novice? Expert of the trade? From what you have in the backstory so far, I'd say Ryan is probably an apprentice carpenter. Since he's 46, I'd suggest showing him practicing his carpentry later in the story so it's Novice at the least. A man of such high age should have more than apprenticeman skills at at least one thing of his life I'd think, but it's up to you.
3. In Ryan's free time, he would go into the woods and practice making fires and small spears and knives that would be useful for survival. He also would go to Jon Henley's house and learn about how he survived for 24 years in the wilderness before finding this peaceful town of Parithuga.
This part is a bit random and doesn't make much sense ICly. I'd like you to elaborate on it some more please. Why is he suddenly so interested in survival? Why would he randomly go in the woods alone with make weapons and fires when his interests lie in the carpentry and building inside of town? Who is Jon Henley and why is he important to Ryan? Why is Ryan so interested in his story? Etc.
Good luck!