[Michelle]

Thank you for waiting.

1. Skill issues:
a) Point 5a) in my last post still applies, to an extent. There are still skills in your character’s backstory which aren’t mentioned in your character’s skillset; my example of poison-making was not an exhaustive list (and I did not state it was). Please revise.
b) One advanced skill and four intermediate skills are considered too much for a twenty-four year old. I would personally take some of your character’s intermediate skills down a notch or two. Please revise.
c) Your character’s painting skill describes something too advanced to be intermediate. Furthermore, your character’s backstory does not explicitly mention any formal teaching of this skill. Please revise, and please also note that painting photorealistic images is an extremely difficult skill to learn. Even naturals require teaching.
d) Your character’s backstory states that he learnt to play the piccolo during the ages of six and ten. This amount of formal training is not enough to justify advanced skill. Please revise.
e) It does not make sense for your character to remember how to make poison after a long time doing other things, especially if he had no personal interest in remembering or learning it in the first place. This may even apply to the entire herbalism skill as a whole. Please reconsider and revise. The removal of poison-making is highly encouraged as there is currently no official lore for it.

2. Personality issues: as stated in point 4 of my previous post: “I’m seeing improvement, but there’s still a lot of depth and complexity missing in your character. You focus too strongly on your character’s extroversion and enthusiasm. You need to push further.” Try discussing your character’s personality in an overall contxt, under a new section. Consider and include more aspects of your character’s personality; there should be more. Please revise and/or elaborate.

We’re almost there. There are extra points in skill issues because I needed time to cross-check my points with other staff members (initially, I was much harsher). Keep at it, and be sure that all the points are addressed before you call for revision again. That’s all for now. Good luck.