22-04-2013, 02:29 PM
Hi again, Tig!
You got most of my previous points, the story and Lore relation is more clear now and it's a good story. Here's the but's...
1. My previous point about working his personality traits into the story still apply.
You're telling a story, yes, but not at all telling me how it affected your character and his development in life save from skill-wise. This walks hand in hand with...
2. Still lacks depth.
Work in some emotions, reactions, thoughts! Your char's a living being, he shows his traits by how he reacts to events in life, thus you also work his traits into the story.
You got most of my previous points, the story and Lore relation is more clear now and it's a good story. Here's the but's...
1. My previous point about working his personality traits into the story still apply.
You're telling a story, yes, but not at all telling me how it affected your character and his development in life save from skill-wise. This walks hand in hand with...
2. Still lacks depth.
Work in some emotions, reactions, thoughts! Your char's a living being, he shows his traits by how he reacts to events in life, thus you also work his traits into the story.
