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Drake Jakob
#1
Drake Jakob Seiller, Shipwright

Skills:
Adept Ship Construction;
-Average Carpentry, Novice Weaving, Average Sailing & Rigging
Novice Music;
-Novice/Moderate Balalaika, Novice Folk Dancing
No Developed Combat Skill.
No Developed Survival Skill.

Personality:
-Uninterested. The next closest word is quiet, but he isn’t particularly quiet at all. He simply lacks the amount of interest required to be loud. If it doesn’t involve him, or he has no reason to care for something, he simply doesn’t.

-Tidy, everything must be neat, everything must be orderly. This doesn’t come to say he has an abundance of table manners or anything like that, only that he prefers to keep things clean and squared away.

-Blunt, he isn’t afraid to speak his mind. He knows there are limits to this, but if he has something on his mind, he’ll make it clear.

-Workaholic, speaks for itself. His favorite way to relax is to stop relaxing and get some work done. Once everything he wants to get accomplished for a day is finished, then he may rest.

-Objective minded, everything he does falls into a purpose or interest for him. He doesn’t do anything he doesn’t find useful in some way, even when teasing someone or flirting he is keeping objectives in mind such as gaining insight into the mind of his subject or making an impression.

-Sarcastic, a quick wit and decisive mind mix together to make both snap decisions and a certain tendency towards sarcastic remarks. Especially if he isn't taking something seriously, though a string of sarcastic statements does not always mean he isn't taking something seriously, though it can often be confused for such.

-Perceptive & Observational, he pays close attention to details and takes notice of a lot of minute things others pay no mind to, which helps him drastically in construction.

-Slightly Pretentious. Self explanatory, it helps in some cases, hurts in many others. He can keep it under wraps when he needs to.

Description:
The eighteen year old stands at about 5’10”, weighs around 140 pounds, has short dark brown hair, and intensely focused dark brown eyes. His skin is rough and bears a slight tan, he spends most of his time outdoors working. He has many tool scars around his hands and arms, the mark of rougher working class.

Back Story:
#2
Added inventory.
#3
Edited skills
#4
Hello Tig! No you're not in trouble, I'll just be aiding in the grading a bit.

1. First off, revise the skills again.
He's only 18, I'd put a lot of those on average down a bit.

2. Lore relation.
It is very vague and what is there lack a bit of explanation. The town was ruled by Lucins? Why? If not, why'd they care about taking something not theirs back? Etc.

3. Lucins setting towns on fire is unlikely since the fire would weaken them.

4. Why'd a family living in a town and working with building ships have sheep...?

5. Work his traits into the story.
So far the story doesn't show any of the personality traits listed very much.

6. Lack of depth.
The story needs more personality and depth. No emotions and few own thoughts are worked into it despite the fact it's written in journal style. If you need help understanding what I mean, just bug me on Skype.

Good luck!
#5
Thank you very much for taking the time to grade this Zarky, I'll do my best to get this done correctly.

It's now edited, as follows:
Removed the journal style back story, added a new typical method one, made edits to the plot.
Tweaked the skills, removed joinery all together.
Edited inventory.

I believe this is ready for a second go. ^_^
  


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