[Airwalk26]

Um just wondering if you were gonna check my application so yea....

[SentaiPink]

Um just wondering if you were gonna check my application so yea....

Just so you're aware, the only way I know the thread has been updated is when you bump the thread or PM me. Please keep this in mind, otherwise I wont know you've updated. I'll start going over this, and post your review as soon as I'm finished.

[Airwalk26]

oh ok thanks for letting me know

[SentaiPink]

Hello again! We're nearly there! just a few final things.

• His skin is very pale except near the bottom where its slightly tan.

  Bottom of what? Please revise to better explain what this means.
  
  

• His family line, the Umbrages, have toiled through the slavery of the Xithians by learning hiding techniques.

  This is just a suggestion, but perhaps 'stealth' is a better word for what he's taught?
  
  
• Proof Read
  You still have errors in the story that make it hard to read, in some cases entirely wrong words being used such as 'and' instead of 'at'. Also, Xitian is misspelled.
  
  

• When all work was done, he learned how to be happy like these people by talking with them and laughing with them but alas he had return home by the end of the day.

  What happens during his trip that causes him to open up like this? Elaborate please.
  
  
• Lore relation
  The lore relation isn't very strong, if you could incorporate a bit more about the civil wars it would go a long way.
  

Thats it! keep up the good work! We're almost there.

[SentaiPink]

Here we go again. Sorry for the wait, I had to get some more input.

• His skin is very pale except near the bottom of his face where its slightly tan.

  Are you implying half his face is tanned? That just isn’t realistic, please revise.
  
  
• Skills
  Given the backstory, it's likely the character may be capable of a combat skill, something that correlates to what he's got already. Generally it isn't possible to survive the wilderness without some way to defend against duskspawn (IG Mobs) and wild animals. Staff combat may work given mention of the walking stick in the backstory, or archery. Something along those lines. Most characters have a job skill that gives them a career in the setting, this may mean the ability to hunt as part of Airwalks survival training. Make sure to edit the backstory to mention him learning said skill, and keep the skill guide in mind as far as skill level goes.
  
  
• Lore Relation
  Your lore relation still needs work. The Civil wars have raged all across the mainlands for most this character's life. It would effect him and the neighboring towns more than just becoming relevant when he turns 18. Include mention of the ongoing hostilities in the area; maybe the port town had a number of skirmishes before it was finally sacked, or perhaps they had another way of keeping out of the war, please revise. Also, for convenience's sake, please name the port town.