[ccspycrab]

Long time no talk, I'll be grading this one now.

Back story issues:
- The parents? You mention them once or twice, but never again. Show some relations between your characters and his parents. If the parents died or left, explain why.

- The mutiny? I can see you were stylized when writing this, but you have to give a better description. How many people fought? if he never fought a human before, how come he could go toe to toe with a few (I would assume) now? How did his sister find him? If the crew was tired of the strangers, how come his sister wasn't killed or maimed or etc while on the boat? If she was thrown of too, how did she survive?

-Time frame? Can you give some dates to when this stuff occurred? I can't assess how well the skills are balanced without knowing when he started training, etc. You can just put (Age: 0-6) or something like that between each section.

-Other races? Did the xitians and lucins of the world not ever meet this caravan? Does he hold anything against the races being the prologue would suggest that.

-The caravan? How large was it? How come if he was hunting he also went into town to sell the items, I feel like in a caravan there would be someone else for that.

Skills

-Horse riding? I don't see a specific event where he rides a horse. Maybe expand on that somewhere.

-Mercantilism? I feel like having that adds a little to much to his skill list and isn't justified well enough in the story.

That's it for now.

[3llusive]

-Removed Mercantilism.

-Added a passage explaining his relationship with his parents.

-Added more detail to the mutiny, and an author's note on the subject.

-Added a time frame.

-Added an author's note about trading.

-Added an author's note about the horse riding.

-Added an author's note about Lucins and Xitians.

-Added items to be brought into the setting.

[ccspycrab]

Hello again.

- Items being brought in? How did he bring those in if he came from falling off the boat?

- Skills? I would suggest bumping down two of the competent skills to apprentice level, or remove one of them all together.

[3llusive]

For the items, these are items that Delfi carries on his person every day, thus it's presumable he still was carrying them when he fell off the ship.

That and there's the point that without at least a bow my character wouldn't have a livelihood and thus wouldn't have any roleplay in a very negative way.

As for the competent skills - they're all very closely related skills and all of them are necessary for Delfi's work. Lowering them would mean he could no longer preform his livelihood with proficiency, which I believe is unrealistic considering how long he's being doing it. I'm not really sure what breathing room I have here.

Look at it this way:

Hunting as a skill requires more than just archery. It requires a means to find prey, track prey, knowledge of the habitats and behavior of prey,

Then a means to kill prey,

Then a skill to take the dead prey and turn it into something useful.


Blacksmithing, as a skill, requires blacksmithing.

Does that mean Hunting should take four times as long to get to a competent level than Blacksmithing just because there are multiple skills involved in it's profession?

[Zarkaylia]

Alright Stezzo. I'm taking over the grading of your application.

Appearance:

1) This might be nitpicking on your choice of words but if you're having me confused you're having me confused.

wrestling with both animal and dusk creature

Above part about wrestling with animals or dusks I take literally and I must point out that some of the dusk creatures require some quite severe damage to be caused to them to go down. And as we have a character in the setting that's very good at hand combat and still struggle with the more walking-dead ones I'm going to have to ask you to reconsider how he'd be actually wrestling them with a novice skill in hand combat or that you rephrase. At least as a considerate thing to do towards those in the setting with chars with better skill.

Skills:

1) Firstly I'm going to ask you to remove all your arguments for the skills. If there is justification needed for your char's skills they are to be put in the background story.

2) By reading the story and researching newly accepted applications like Bandit's I come to same conclusion as the rest of the staff in regards of having 4 competent skills. I'd suggest that like was done with Bandit's skill with her spear, you knock down the archery skill one level.

3) I'd like to see the bola, knife combat and hand combat more properly justified within the story itself. Especially the bola came as a surprise to me (I read the story before I read the skills).

Remember that the skill guide is partly created to balance realism and fairness.

Story

1) You mention in your notes that he has no opinions on Xitians or Lucins cause he has no way to judge them, but what about the Prologue?

2) The Travel and Mutiny parts confuse me. Where'd he get the idea to travel? Why then? What do their parents think of it? Etc. Please elaborate so it's easier to understand what goes on and why in these sections.

3) There's a big difference between dusks and humans, I have to point this out. I'm not entirely certain in which way you mean he doesn't think of it any different from humans though, please explain.

Items

1) I'd approve all but the arrows. They're highly likely to be lost in the sea.

Notes:

1) How does the children react to how they're treated by their peers? There's no mention of this.

2) I'm not going to question that he survived, that is plausible, but I'm going to question that he'd be able to easily take on a bunch of sailors in their own element. Firstly he's never fought on a ship and secondly he's never fought humans. Dusks are savage barely intelligent beings that does not fight with skill even when they wield weapons.