In Game Name (Kyrenic): How did you find us? (Forums, friend, previous member, etc…) I found you on a forum where I was looking for a good RP server. About You: I'm just a 17 year old guy wanting to have a good time and roleplay some because I'm a bit rusty
My character will be a man named Brogar Larraunt, he will be 24 years old and a laborer. He enjoys doing fine crafts after work, mostly wood carving.
Name: Brogar Larraunt Age: 24 Gender: Male Appearance: Dirty, middle black curled hair, mostly brown cloth/leather clothes, strong and an occasionally shaved beard. Personality: Eager to learn, Pessimistic, but friendly to most people, doesn't see obvious red flaggs. Backstory: Brogar was born in a family of 3 in (insert village). Since he was 14 he helped his father cut wood and make a living for the family. Unfortunately, 3 years ago, his entire family was killed when the brigands ransacked his family home while Brogar was out cutting wood. He hasn't really connected to anyone since this event, and nobody really has the chance to come close to him. Capabilities: Competent logger, amateur woodcarver, amateur hunter and fisher.
Hello, Kyrenic. So sorry for the delay, real life got in the way. Now, though, I'll behelping you through whitelisting. A lot of waht you have here is actually passable, but your backstory needs work.
Your backstory needs more relation to the setting's lore, which can be found here. There needs to be some relation to the lore to help us see how and why this to the setting. knowing the character's age. I can safely say that he is old enough to include mention of the Dusk Portal re-opening in the backstory. In general, you may wish to look at past, approved applications to get an idea of waht we're looking for in an application.
Your character’s backstory doesn't do a lot to explain personal growth over his life. The backstory needs to show more description of how he was as a child, how he was through adolescence and then into adulthood. It is necessary that we see how the character has changed over the years before arriving in the setting. Please work on this.
Additionally, you must include a personality section. This lets us know that you know the character. When you add further detail to the backstory, it can help you accomplish this.
Finally, the backstory must end with your cahracter's arrival in the Forbidden Lands.
That's all for this round. Please post again in this thread when you've made your edits and we'll continue from there.
Backstory : Brogar was born in a family of 3 just outside the little village of Rivermouth. He didn't have many friends as a kid but that didn't bother him, he was fine being alone and even enjoyed it sometimes. As soon as he way able to walk he wanted to go with his father to log some wood, although he couldn't really haul anything yet. When Brogar had nothing to do he mostly just explored the woods and he knew them like the back of his hand. His mother, named Mary was a typical housewife, spending her day by cooking, sowing and cleaning. Brogar's father Jamie was a hard working man trying to support his family. He was always tired when he came home from logging but that never seemed to bother him. He was a grumpy man, often wanted to be left alone but sometimes he was less grumpy. His brother Jayr was 5 years older and he always went to town to help around the place and earn some extra pocket money, he would spend it on things like sweets and goodies. Brogar's sister, Penelope, was a bold girl, she was 3 years older than Brogar and always helped her mother doing things around the house. She didn't enjoy doing it but she had no real choice, it was either help or don't get food.
When Brogar grew up, he became actually usefull helping his father logging, as opposed to being a liability. He was even paid a little because he worked as hard as he could and his father really appreciated it. His brother now worked at the pub in town called The Glorious Salmon. Nothing really changed other than the kids growing older, but that's just life in and near sparsely populated areas. The community wasn't really affected by the civil war, although some supplies were low or just not available from time to time. At the time Brogar reached the age of 21, the civil war finally reached this part of the world. When Brogar was out logging alone, his father was home sick, his family was brutally slaughtered and hanged in front of this house. When Brogar came home he was devestated because of what he saw, he bursted into tears and just cried for some time. When he finally manned up, he made a plan to leave the old world for good, as there was nothing left for him here. He packed his bags with the necessary things plus some personal belongins like his fathers watch, his brother's flute and his sister's necklace.
He traveled down the coast until he came to a port town, many others had also decided to go to the Forbidden Lands and naturally there were people profiting off of that. He also heard the dusk portals had opened again, that only made him want to leave more. He paid a captain to take him to these new lands and he boarded the ship. There were many people already on the ship and Brogar overheard they were leaving first thing in the morning. The travel was long, it lasted at least 6 months, after that he didn't bother enough to count anymore. It smelled horrible, the food was awfull, and scurvy eventually manifested itself. But Brogar wasn't really affected, sure he felt sick for some time but he was never in such a bad condition it was life threatening.
When there was finally land in sight and they docked at the port, Brogar went on to the local pub to ask around and see if anyone had any information on some spare logger's cabins. He could build one himself if he had enough time on his hands but it was easier to just restore one to livable conditions. He heard there was a spare cabin just west of the town and Brogar decided to go there. -END-
I'll start my character in a village near the coast and just walk west and build an abandoned cabin, RP I found it and then refurbish it. My personality is in the application but I'll rework it anyway.
Personality : Brogar is a quiet man, still haunted by the sight of his hanged family. He tries his best to make other's happy because he feels there is enough harm and pain in the world allready. Brogar is always in the mood to learn new skills, he believes one can always better him/herself. But he's not really opportunist, usually seeing mostly the bad stuff in things.
Alright, waht you have now is much better, however there are still some changes I need you to make.
(30-01-2017, 09:03 PM)Hutchy Wrote: Your backstory needs more relation to the setting's lore, which can be found here. There needs to be some relation to the lore to help us see how and why this to the setting. knowing the character's age. I can safely say that he is old enough to include mention of the Dusk Portal re-opening in the backstory. In general, you may wish to look at past, approved applications to get an idea of waht we're looking for in an application.
This point needs acting on to make your app acceptable. Since your character is 22, they would have been alive for the events of the Dusk Portal starting to open. I'll need you to incorporate this and later events into your backstory where it's appropriate.
You mentioned that you want to build and RP finding a cabin, I'm afraid this isn't a possibility we cater to. The town we all spawn in has plenty of room and you must start there as it is where almost all of our RP takes place. There is nothing to stop you from building a cabin later, but for the start, I'm afraid not. Additionally, the backstory must end with their arrival, anything after that is RP you'll be able to do with others here.
That's all I have for now. Bump the thread again when you've made your cahnges and we'll continue.
