Hey tech! It's time for round two!
1. Personality - Part of this is my fault for not being clear. Many of us have been trying to dissolve lists for personality as descriptions for your character. I would like you to remove the list format and instead explain it in paragraphs. Thanks.
2. Skills -Even though your character is 38, you have too many skills and your character is too skilled in some of them. I would take another look at the skill guide and read it again thoroughly to understand everything. Try to avoid your character having too many high level skills. If your character has skills that are higher level, they should relate to one profession. For example, your character is mentioned to be a scholar and study sciences. So perhaps more around that rather survival skills that may have become more or less moot over the years.
3. Realism - While reading your application, I took note to some realism flaws. Just try to keep in mind real life logic in Mesalia role play rather video game logic. I'll try to keep the points I spotted brief:
Mostly, try to settle things like:
I also noticed in your story, Xith, the Xitian was rather nice. I talked to staff about this and we wondered if one, he would let himself get caught, and two,and just how nice he would be to his slaves. Or if not his slaves, the master who is employing him's slaves. A Xitian Solider or guard has a good chance to not be friendly. You may want to change this around a bit.
4. Lore/Pacing - I have a feeling that you may be confused on some lore bits. Xitians were a bit civilized despite being slavers and warriors. You describe them a bit as chieftains and relate closer to Native American or Viking heritage. There is also a part in your back story where you skip the 32-33 years after the war, and I would prefer if you went into greater detail and came up with some more stuff for it.
Good luck, that's all for now. :)
1. Personality - Part of this is my fault for not being clear. Many of us have been trying to dissolve lists for personality as descriptions for your character. I would like you to remove the list format and instead explain it in paragraphs. Thanks.
2. Skills -Even though your character is 38, you have too many skills and your character is too skilled in some of them. I would take another look at the skill guide and read it again thoroughly to understand everything. Try to avoid your character having too many high level skills. If your character has skills that are higher level, they should relate to one profession. For example, your character is mentioned to be a scholar and study sciences. So perhaps more around that rather survival skills that may have become more or less moot over the years.
3. Realism - While reading your application, I took note to some realism flaws. Just try to keep in mind real life logic in Mesalia role play rather video game logic. I'll try to keep the points I spotted brief:
Mostly, try to settle things like:
Quote:"He is hardened from slave work and survival, won't easily lose to an arrow shot in the limbs."An arrow to the limbs could easily take down just about anyone. Arrows in the middle ages could ruin you physically, just one to a limb in the right spot can cause someone to lose that limb.
I also noticed in your story, Xith, the Xitian was rather nice. I talked to staff about this and we wondered if one, he would let himself get caught, and two,and just how nice he would be to his slaves. Or if not his slaves, the master who is employing him's slaves. A Xitian Solider or guard has a good chance to not be friendly. You may want to change this around a bit.
4. Lore/Pacing - I have a feeling that you may be confused on some lore bits. Xitians were a bit civilized despite being slavers and warriors. You describe them a bit as chieftains and relate closer to Native American or Viking heritage. There is also a part in your back story where you skip the 32-33 years after the war, and I would prefer if you went into greater detail and came up with some more stuff for it.
Good luck, that's all for now. :)