12-08-2013, 07:56 PM
Time for round two! Start!
Realism:
http://www.mesalia.net/forum/showthread.php?tid=5
As stated in our application guide
The timeline of events is still off:
The purges were 30 years ago making your character much older than 25
The backstory still lacks lore relation and character depth:
We need detail on how the wars affect him, hiding doesn’t work well for a backstory for a character as it becomes very hard to include the necessary lore relation. As it stands his backstory speaks more on his family then him. Yet still doesn't fully explain how they were capable of being unaffected by the fact the entire continent is embroiled in a bloody war. Revise this and elaborate on your character, who he is, what he’s done and give examples in the backstory itself that support your personality section.
Revise your formatting:
It’s very hard to follow and rather jumbled. As I said last time, please look at accepted character sheets to get an idea of how we do things. http://www.mesalia.net/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=29
Please read the skill guide:
http://www.mesalia.net/forum/showthread....25#pid1825
As stated in the guide, someone all of 25 is not capable of being a master or expert at anything. It takes a long time to just get to advanced and if this character is only 25 he’s not lived long enough to get so many skills so far along. Please read and revise the skills accordingly.
Please revise and let me know if you have any questions.
Realism:
http://www.mesalia.net/forum/showthread.php?tid=5
As stated in our application guide
Quote:"Realism"There is absolutely no magic in our setting. Mesalians are just regular people like you and me. Revise.
No flying, magic, killing thousands with a fist, etc.
The timeline of events is still off:
The purges were 30 years ago making your character much older than 25
The backstory still lacks lore relation and character depth:
We need detail on how the wars affect him, hiding doesn’t work well for a backstory for a character as it becomes very hard to include the necessary lore relation. As it stands his backstory speaks more on his family then him. Yet still doesn't fully explain how they were capable of being unaffected by the fact the entire continent is embroiled in a bloody war. Revise this and elaborate on your character, who he is, what he’s done and give examples in the backstory itself that support your personality section.
Revise your formatting:
It’s very hard to follow and rather jumbled. As I said last time, please look at accepted character sheets to get an idea of how we do things. http://www.mesalia.net/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=29
Please read the skill guide:
http://www.mesalia.net/forum/showthread....25#pid1825
As stated in the guide, someone all of 25 is not capable of being a master or expert at anything. It takes a long time to just get to advanced and if this character is only 25 he’s not lived long enough to get so many skills so far along. Please read and revise the skills accordingly.
Please revise and let me know if you have any questions.