[SentaiPink]

Hello again! We're nearly there! just a few final things.

• His skin is very pale except near the bottom where its slightly tan.

  Bottom of what? Please revise to better explain what this means.
  
  

• His family line, the Umbrages, have toiled through the slavery of the Xithians by learning hiding techniques.

  This is just a suggestion, but perhaps 'stealth' is a better word for what he's taught?
  
  
• Proof Read
  You still have errors in the story that make it hard to read, in some cases entirely wrong words being used such as 'and' instead of 'at'. Also, Xitian is misspelled.
  
  

• When all work was done, he learned how to be happy like these people by talking with them and laughing with them but alas he had return home by the end of the day.

  What happens during his trip that causes him to open up like this? Elaborate please.
  
  
• Lore relation
  The lore relation isn't very strong, if you could incorporate a bit more about the civil wars it would go a long way.
  

Thats it! keep up the good work! We're almost there.