26-02-2013, 03:12 PM
[center]Percival Talks to Himself
Three[/center]
It hurts because it mattered.
It mattered. Thatâs why it hurts.
â¦
She sang to her food whenever she was happy, to the fucking tune of Rhisian hymns of all the fucking things, which was Jacâs influence entirely. In actual fact, when I think about it, she sang to every-bloody-fucking-thing whenever she was happy. Hello trees, hello sun, hello smoked pigeon and... papaâs shitty oatcakes...
They were always lumpy with these clumps of flour because I mixed them like I mix glue, but notwithstanding that I think they were alright.
You know⦠as far as fucking oatcakes can go.
â¦
Itâs nearly her birthday, in about a week, and I sort of havenât left this⦠room.
They say grief is the language of idleness, and if theyâre wrong then this is possibly another selfish act from yours truly, but I think thatâs just⦠how it is. Itâs⦠I canât get out of bed because she mattered. They both mattered, so itâs not just loss. Itâs regret.
When I was a child, my fatherâ¦
The first thing I learnt about grief is that a grieving man shouldnât pull out his hair. A few good years after the war of Veld and he still does it â or did it, who the fuck knows â as though somehow his baldness would make losing his war mates a better experience.
â¦
The longer I stay here, the more I regret and the worse it gets, but itâs like the holeâs running through my chest now and the last blooming thing I should do is work, which is a laughable idea because the only work I have is being the lap dog of Caius. The shit that happens when you try to⦠participate. In life.
The painful reality is that if I donât want to starve, then Iâll have to go back and try again, and again, and again, and again⦠because from what I can tell by the tavern owner, and the politicians, and the pirate bartender who cooks dogâs arse eggs but mediocre steakâ¦
Iâm not fucking invisible here.
And I need to keep trying because if Iâm not on the piss in a week...
â¦
Nothing has changed, but everythingâs different.
If I know anything about life, itâs that it goes on.
Three[/center]
It hurts because it mattered.
It mattered. Thatâs why it hurts.
â¦
She sang to her food whenever she was happy, to the fucking tune of Rhisian hymns of all the fucking things, which was Jacâs influence entirely. In actual fact, when I think about it, she sang to every-bloody-fucking-thing whenever she was happy. Hello trees, hello sun, hello smoked pigeon and... papaâs shitty oatcakes...
They were always lumpy with these clumps of flour because I mixed them like I mix glue, but notwithstanding that I think they were alright.
You know⦠as far as fucking oatcakes can go.
â¦
Itâs nearly her birthday, in about a week, and I sort of havenât left this⦠room.
They say grief is the language of idleness, and if theyâre wrong then this is possibly another selfish act from yours truly, but I think thatâs just⦠how it is. Itâs⦠I canât get out of bed because she mattered. They both mattered, so itâs not just loss. Itâs regret.
When I was a child, my fatherâ¦
The first thing I learnt about grief is that a grieving man shouldnât pull out his hair. A few good years after the war of Veld and he still does it â or did it, who the fuck knows â as though somehow his baldness would make losing his war mates a better experience.
â¦
The longer I stay here, the more I regret and the worse it gets, but itâs like the holeâs running through my chest now and the last blooming thing I should do is work, which is a laughable idea because the only work I have is being the lap dog of Caius. The shit that happens when you try to⦠participate. In life.
The painful reality is that if I donât want to starve, then Iâll have to go back and try again, and again, and again, and again⦠because from what I can tell by the tavern owner, and the politicians, and the pirate bartender who cooks dogâs arse eggs but mediocre steakâ¦
Iâm not fucking invisible here.
And I need to keep trying because if Iâm not on the piss in a week...
â¦
Nothing has changed, but everythingâs different.
If I know anything about life, itâs that it goes on.
![[Image: a88823d4-5335-49cc-91b4-f8c511e214f8_zps...1409225114]](http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g158/mnguy3/a88823d4-5335-49cc-91b4-f8c511e214f8_zpsf21a961a.png?t=1409225114)