[Hutchy]

Right, Xei, next round.

• The point in my previous feedback about clear personality development still applies. It is necessary that we see how the character has changed over the years before arriving in the setting. There is room in the story you have written to clearly show how he was as a child and how he changed following the events described. Please work on this.

• Much of the story does not actually mention or include Xei. The character’s backstory should follow them through their lives up to entering the setting. Sometimes it is necessary to leave the character and expand upon a situation, but Xei rarely appears. When describing the group, as you often do, you should try to mention what Xei is doing, how he is coping with displacement as examples?
  Also, we don’t get many updates on Xei. When he appears, he isn’t much more than a name. How old is he at the times these events take place, has there been any physical change in him?

• ‘Years passed’ Besides giving a clear idea of how many years have actually passed, you should try to tell the reader what has occurred in that time. Did he gain any new skills, acquaintances? Did any other life changing events take place? Please elaborate on this point.

• ‘walks out of the tent, takes it apart, and walks off, hoping to find civilization.’ The character’s backstory must end with them arriving in the Forbidden Lands. This ties in with the point ‘as he heads south towards the Forbidden Lands’. You state that he heads south, but there are a few problems here. Since you have not stated he comes from anywhere in particular, we assume he came from the Main Continent, to arrive he would have had to travel north and across water. You must review this as you make the next edit.