Skills are all clear, however… I find that the additions to the backstory do not meet the requirements of my points and general expectations. You describe Heidi’s personality a lot in her backstory, but you don’t really add anything new in terms of information, other than her diligence.
1. What I would like to see (as stated previously in point 1a two posts ago) would be some justification for this personality. You tell us she doesn’t want to play with other children, and you tell us she started being eccentric, but you don’t show us how she became like that.
2. On top of that, I still am pushing for a personality description in prose. This isn’t a comment on your writing ability; I’ve never seen anyone communicate enough personality in backstory alone for a pass. This is why point 1b from two posts ago stated ‘please provide a prose description’, and why the application format revision has a personality section.
That's all for now. Good luck.
1. What I would like to see (as stated previously in point 1a two posts ago) would be some justification for this personality. You tell us she doesn’t want to play with other children, and you tell us she started being eccentric, but you don’t show us how she became like that.
2. On top of that, I still am pushing for a personality description in prose. This isn’t a comment on your writing ability; I’ve never seen anyone communicate enough personality in backstory alone for a pass. This is why point 1b from two posts ago stated ‘please provide a prose description’, and why the application format revision has a personality section.
That's all for now. Good luck.
![[Image: a88823d4-5335-49cc-91b4-f8c511e214f8_zps...1409225114]](http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g158/mnguy3/a88823d4-5335-49cc-91b4-f8c511e214f8_zpsf21a961a.png?t=1409225114)