01-03-2014, 12:43 PM
Hey Nick, welcome back! I’ll be handling your application so lets get started~
Backstory
--Your characters personality does not come across very clearly in the application. Please provide a personality section, please write the personality details in prose form (not a list) and please make sure this personality coincides with the decisions he makes in the backstory.
--Staff will not accept any 'prodigy' character. In the interest of fairness to everyone, please remove this and adjust the skills and backstory accordingly.
--Rune engineering is an immensely complex field. It's referred to as an engineering skill for this reason. I cannot fathom a rune engineer being capable of successfully making tiny, hand held, home or communication runes without already being capable enough to manage the rest of rune engineering as a profession. Which would make the home and communication runes competent or better skill requirements. That being said, your back story implies your character was this good at around 15 which I cannot accept. Please revise.
--The flu is pretty contagious and Rob has been exposed to deathly ill people, twice. Did he shut himself away from his mother and Ann when they got sick? Did he ever get sick? Please elaborate.
Rune Lore
I am about a week or so away from finally releasing this lore; This has nothing to do with your application, this is a project I’ve been working on for the better part of the last year. There are major changes to the way this functions along with explanations and expectations for skill levels. This release of lore will have substantial effect on your character, that being said, you may have second thoughts on the choice of profession when it does release. I’ve made it a point to explain a lot of things that were left vague originally. I am attempting to grade based on a fair middle ground, as much of the original lore was maintained, though heavily altered. I wanted to make you aware of this as you will be held to the new standard when this releases. So far my review applies to both sets of lore. And I will continue to grade this application accordingly, it is up to you if you wish to pursue this without the lore or wait for release. I just thought I’d let you know that’s upcoming.
Skills
a) No one at 17 is capable of having an advanced skill. At best, 17 can achieve 1 competent skill, but the dedication needed for this at such a young age mean's he'd have very few other skills and none of them would be considerable. Please read the Skill Guide for further details on how to better balance your character. It’s strongly recommended all of his skills be lowered, and a few removed.
b) You mention mechanical engineering but it’s not explained at all in your backstory. Mechanical engineering isn’t part of rune engineering and doesn’t come with rune education. Where did he learn this? Please revise and also adjust the skill to account for what’s stated in point (a).
c) Two years of study would make his knowledge of Xitian language 'Novice'. Please revise but keep point (a) in mind.
d) I also require a ranking for his Lore knowledge. If it's substantial enough to warrant mentioning in his skills then it warrants a rank. Please revise but keep point (a) in mind.
Until these revisions are made I can’t really suggest much more. Please update and remember to bump the thread when your done.
Backstory
Quote:During his childhood, Rob never developed very good social skills.--You say this early into your application but later he doesn't struggle at all when making friends with other apprentices. Where did this social butterfly come from? Please revise.
--Your characters personality does not come across very clearly in the application. Please provide a personality section, please write the personality details in prose form (not a list) and please make sure this personality coincides with the decisions he makes in the backstory.
--Staff will not accept any 'prodigy' character. In the interest of fairness to everyone, please remove this and adjust the skills and backstory accordingly.
--Rune engineering is an immensely complex field. It's referred to as an engineering skill for this reason. I cannot fathom a rune engineer being capable of successfully making tiny, hand held, home or communication runes without already being capable enough to manage the rest of rune engineering as a profession. Which would make the home and communication runes competent or better skill requirements. That being said, your back story implies your character was this good at around 15 which I cannot accept. Please revise.
Quote:Two months into the relationship Rob had pendants made for him and Anna, with communication runes in them, so that they could talk to each other at almost any time.--So far as I know the size of communication and home runes has always been about the size of the palm of your hand. This probably averages around 3 inches in diameter (7.5 cm), which would make the devices too large and awkward to wear as pendants unless of course you want to go with the sort of gold chain Mr.T look.
--The flu is pretty contagious and Rob has been exposed to deathly ill people, twice. Did he shut himself away from his mother and Ann when they got sick? Did he ever get sick? Please elaborate.
Quote:He was in the same emotional place he was when he arrived in Cresthill years ago.--So he was with this girl for months, maybe a year, and this resulted in the same emotional turmoil as losing both your parents in the course of a month? He seems to get very attached to people very quickly, while not having any such link to his mentor whom he’d lived with for years. This seems inconsistent; Please elaborate, I’d expect this to also be something that should be addressed in the personality section.
Rune Lore
I am about a week or so away from finally releasing this lore; This has nothing to do with your application, this is a project I’ve been working on for the better part of the last year. There are major changes to the way this functions along with explanations and expectations for skill levels. This release of lore will have substantial effect on your character, that being said, you may have second thoughts on the choice of profession when it does release. I’ve made it a point to explain a lot of things that were left vague originally. I am attempting to grade based on a fair middle ground, as much of the original lore was maintained, though heavily altered. I wanted to make you aware of this as you will be held to the new standard when this releases. So far my review applies to both sets of lore. And I will continue to grade this application accordingly, it is up to you if you wish to pursue this without the lore or wait for release. I just thought I’d let you know that’s upcoming.
Skills
a) No one at 17 is capable of having an advanced skill. At best, 17 can achieve 1 competent skill, but the dedication needed for this at such a young age mean's he'd have very few other skills and none of them would be considerable. Please read the Skill Guide for further details on how to better balance your character. It’s strongly recommended all of his skills be lowered, and a few removed.
b) You mention mechanical engineering but it’s not explained at all in your backstory. Mechanical engineering isn’t part of rune engineering and doesn’t come with rune education. Where did he learn this? Please revise and also adjust the skill to account for what’s stated in point (a).
c) Two years of study would make his knowledge of Xitian language 'Novice'. Please revise but keep point (a) in mind.
d) I also require a ranking for his Lore knowledge. If it's substantial enough to warrant mentioning in his skills then it warrants a rank. Please revise but keep point (a) in mind.
Until these revisions are made I can’t really suggest much more. Please update and remember to bump the thread when your done.