[Hutchy]

I knew you’d be back… 0_0

Anyway, you know the drill, I’m here to help you get through whitelisting.

• There are several increments of time that go by with no details given as to what happens between the two points, especially between the ages of 5 and 12. We need the details of what happens to ensure it’s believable. These points are a good place to start writing around if necessary. Connect the dots, as it were. Please work on this.

• Overall the story needs to be more detailed, this will, again, help make the character more believable and even help RP him later on. For example, what kind of environment was Peakholme set in and how was it hidden, who was this ‘opposing faction’ and who conducted the raid? Please elaborate.

• Finally, the personality section needs to be written as prose. It is still acceptable to list some traits that aren’t so much personality as quirks and behaviours in a list format. For examples, the character sheets forum is a good place to start. Please revise this.

That's all for now, bump the thread when you've made the necessary edits and we can continue.