[SentaiPink]

Hi Smug! I'm going to go ahead and review your application because our poor WL is overworked. If you could highlight your revisions so they're easier to find, that may expedite my response.

Backstory-

• So the way you've worded you're opening for the backstory is a little confusing. Please revise to clarify.
  
  1. Was Victor enslaved a second time during the war (If that's the case the resistance would of been sizable as it was lead by Lucin’s and now manned by tons and tons of angry freed slaves.)
     
     
  2. Or are you talking about him being enslaved before veld and being broken out before the war? (Before Veld there was no resistance or Lucins left.)
     
     
  3. Or was he a slave once and then freed during the veld? (If that's the case the resistance would of been sizable as it was lead by Lucin’s and now manned by tons and tons of angry freed slaves.)

• The isles, including Byne would be sacked by Mesalian and Xitian alike.

  The Xitian influence during the civil war was subtle manipulation to get parties involved, actual sacking wouldn't be possible with their numbers. Also, given Byne is an island, even if they had the numbers there is little to no chance they'd attack given they'd be too weak to actually fight. This maybe a misunderstanding on my part but you should probably clarify as it currently implies Xitian warships and such.

• It’s important to remember that even people that antagonize our characters have their own motivations and reasoning for what they do. The way Sarah is portrayed throughout most of the story (as a loving and supportive wife and mother) and how she acts in the end (a belligerent and greedy woman looking out for herself) are drastically, and unrealistically different. While their relationship is strained and there is plenty of reason for her to leave Rick, for both her own sake and that of her child, you didn’t really acknowledge any of it in her actions or motivation. Instead it seems she just did it out of cruelty and as harshly as she possibly could. This doesn’t seem to fit the woman written about prior, please revisit her motivations and her reasoning; Please revise her actions to reflect a more realistic approach for her character.

• Rick has no established combat skill himself, so how does he take out any trained soldiers? How could he cross a war torn countryside uncontested with no ability to fight even the duskspawn off let alone soldiers?

• He was stabbed in the shoulder and beat, his vision growing cloudy and black as he succumbed being struck in the face by a mail gauntlet.

  bludgeoned, recently unconscious and stabbed, he manages to (completely untrained) throw a dirk into a man and outrun the rest to a horse? This seems unrealistic, please revise.

• He groaned, and faded in and out of consciousness as he leaned forward in the saddle.

  If you pass out in a saddle you're going to fall out of it and either get dragged or left behind by the animal. Which you do later, but this passage seems to imply he was able to otherwise. Please revise.

• He sold his armor and dirk

  I believe he threw that dirk at someone.

• It's really hard for me to tell how much time passes, when and what occurs between theses points in relation to the lore. Could you please provide more information as to when events happen, years, or a timeline so I may know if this is in keeping with the overall lore?

Skills-

• It seems that inspite of spending several years sailing, and professionally at that, he's no skill at this, please revise to add at least a novice skill from how long he spent with this occupation.

That's everything! Go ahead and bump the thread when you're done and I'll take another look.