[Demotheus]

Apologies for the wait. Been rather busy with exams.

1.

She would learn sewing first, and shortly after cooking. This started at the age of four. At eight years old she was taught, roughly, how to fight with simple bladed weapons or with fists. She was not taught techniques or anything. She was taught to fight dirty. Do whatever it takes to win. She was better than most children her age at all these things, even if by only a little. Her lack of social life contributed to this. Even the sparring never led to much. Just moving onto the next task.

She is going to have to start learning at an older age. As I told you in my skill posts, around 10-13 is when a character would start learning skills. Ages like four, eight, and so on, are too young. Children at those ages are learning to be people still; interactions with other people and learning things about the world. Not how to cook and fight.

2. What else did she do as a child?

You're very brief with this and lack little detail. A lot of time goes by but noting is really said of her childhood other than that she learned a few thins. Friends? Personal experiences? Please give more detail.

3.

"I never nu it befor but mommy and daddy not reelee seem to liek me that much. I sayd this to them but they no lisen! I kept asking and they just hit me and sayd for me to keep kwyit. We are bizee they sayd.

I had previously told you to remove the accent. Once again, this can easily be offensive with the dialect. Just because stereotypes are true some times, does not mean you have the right to use said stereotype and not consider it offensive. Yes, it does exist. No, that does not make it okay for you to use in this way.

I'd also like the point out what I previously said about Mongolians, which this culture you made is based off of, do not have this accent.

4.

The truth was, her parents never wanted her in the first place. She was very much an accident, and an unwanted one at that. They even detested her. She was different, and they could tell. Not radically so, but they knew she wasn't like the other. Even though she was eventually beaten into submission like other children, she would occasionally slip up. More often than most.

The way this is written gives the impression that her not being a wanted child is reason as to why she slips up more than others. Please explain or revise.

5. The sex thing...

Once again, I still feel that she wouldn't sleep around if she wants something other than sex. It's counterintuitive. Even if she finds men attractive, there is still a level of self control that people want. If she truly wanted more than just sex, as the story implies, she would be able to control herself.

A personal example of this was with my character, Calina. She found many men in the setting attractive. However she made a promise to herself to not do anything in that manner till she was married with someone she truly loved. And thus, she didn't.

I believe this takes even more effect when she seems to actually want love and not just sex due to a lack of real love. Once again, there is the manner of self control. I doubt any woman who really wanted something else than just sex would let herself get tricked time and time again when guys are quickly stepping up to get in her pants.

This is all I got for now. Please revise.

2. She didn't do much as a child, due to not having many friends or an eventful life at all. I specified this.

3. That's not an accent. That's a child's journal entry.

5. Yeah...well, not everyone is the same. A lot of girls even younger then that give it up and claim they think the person they just 'made love to' is "the one". Dont' compare this character to your character. The point is, she learned after about the third try. She was easy, and now she's...well, difficult.