01-07-2014, 09:21 AM
Hey Brewstone and welcome back, I'm Leaf, and I'll be the one grading your app.
So your app is almost good to go, but there are some bits here and there that you might have overlooked. Or it could be just me getting confused, but I'd like clarification if that's the case.
Puppy Thomas: Here is something that confused me:
"She was very young during this time, hardly two, and she remembers little. She does, however, remember the part about Thomas, her best friend."
These two sentence here makes it sound very much like she had met Thomas when she was two, when she was in Highport. Now I'm not entirely sure how the pair's story go, but I'm quite sure that she wouldn't remember a boy she'd met when she was two, and that the first time they'd met was in the town of Auria.
If it happens that she does indeed remember Thomas and she did meet Thomas when she was two in Highport, throw a shoe at me, but if it isn't, please make it clear for me. Thanks!
Gate to the Dusk Realm: You mentioned that Rose didn't get to hear much about the gate opening due to her being a nobleman's daughter, and thus being sheltered from disturbing news, but in our current timeline, the gate opened only about 3 to 4 years ago. This means that Rose would have been about 22 or 23 when the news would've gotten to her in the Church of Isohel. And since the news would have been a common topic and there was no reason for the priests and other acolytes to refrain from talking about it to Rose, I'd like you to tell me how this affected her, or if it didn't still, why it didn't.
Flowers to ink: Don't quote me on this, but I am quite certain you can't get black ink from flowers. Unless the scribes in the Church of Isohel recorded using different colors of ink, I would very much doubt that it would've been common practice to grow flowers for ink.
From what I can find on how people made ink before, they mostly seem to come from a combination of certain minerals, soot, tree barks or branches, or tar. As I said, I'm not entirely sure if black ink really didn't come from flowers, but feel free to tell me if I'm wrong.
Moving on to skills, I only have one quirk.
Gardening: Considering Rose started to maintain a garden only once she became a scribe and since there is no mention of Rose working in gardens before that, I'll have to ask you to lower this skill, or give a reason as to why Rose would have this skill.
That's it! Bump the thread once you're done editing.
-=oOo=-
So your app is almost good to go, but there are some bits here and there that you might have overlooked. Or it could be just me getting confused, but I'd like clarification if that's the case.
Puppy Thomas: Here is something that confused me:
"She was very young during this time, hardly two, and she remembers little. She does, however, remember the part about Thomas, her best friend."
These two sentence here makes it sound very much like she had met Thomas when she was two, when she was in Highport. Now I'm not entirely sure how the pair's story go, but I'm quite sure that she wouldn't remember a boy she'd met when she was two, and that the first time they'd met was in the town of Auria.
If it happens that she does indeed remember Thomas and she did meet Thomas when she was two in Highport, throw a shoe at me, but if it isn't, please make it clear for me. Thanks!
Gate to the Dusk Realm: You mentioned that Rose didn't get to hear much about the gate opening due to her being a nobleman's daughter, and thus being sheltered from disturbing news, but in our current timeline, the gate opened only about 3 to 4 years ago. This means that Rose would have been about 22 or 23 when the news would've gotten to her in the Church of Isohel. And since the news would have been a common topic and there was no reason for the priests and other acolytes to refrain from talking about it to Rose, I'd like you to tell me how this affected her, or if it didn't still, why it didn't.
Flowers to ink: Don't quote me on this, but I am quite certain you can't get black ink from flowers. Unless the scribes in the Church of Isohel recorded using different colors of ink, I would very much doubt that it would've been common practice to grow flowers for ink.
From what I can find on how people made ink before, they mostly seem to come from a combination of certain minerals, soot, tree barks or branches, or tar. As I said, I'm not entirely sure if black ink really didn't come from flowers, but feel free to tell me if I'm wrong.
-=oOo=-
Moving on to skills, I only have one quirk.
Gardening: Considering Rose started to maintain a garden only once she became a scribe and since there is no mention of Rose working in gardens before that, I'll have to ask you to lower this skill, or give a reason as to why Rose would have this skill.
-=oOo=-
That's it! Bump the thread once you're done editing.