[Hutchy]

Welcome back, Khaleesi. I'll be helping you through whitelisting again.

• ‘I was turning 16 tomorrow’ Right. Like we discussed in your previous application, you must describe your character’s childhood, what they were like as a child, who raised them and how, and if any major events in their life occurred as this is a point in their personal growth. So, for now, you have 16 years to cover. I recommend that you refer back to your previous app here so you can write around any issues raised previously.

• Next, you’re writing your bio as if it was part of a story. This is not the case. A bio is the complete summation of a character’s life and events therein up until their arrival in the forbidden lands. Writing it all out as a story makes it long winded and clunky. I recommend that you go through a few of the character sheets here to see what we are looking for in a bio.

• Your backstory needs more relation to the setting's lore, which can be found here. There needs to be some relation to the lore to help us see how and why this character fits into the setting. What impact did the Civil War have on her home, her family? Does her family bear a grudge because of the slavery? Please elaborate on this.

• Your character’s backstory doesn't do a lot to explain personal growth over her life. The backstory needs to show more description of how she was as a child, how she was through adolescence and then into adulthood. It is necessary that we see how the character has changed over the years before arriving in the setting. Please work on this. In addition, we ask that a paragraph describing the character’s personality be added to help us judge it’s realism.

That's all for now. Bump this thread when you have finished the necessary edits and we can continue.

P.S: When you have completed your edits, could you please highlight them in another colour. Thanks.