Hey Young. Guess what. I'm grading this. lol.
1. Skill Descriptions: I need you to go into detail of what her skills are. I see the levels of the skills, but I need something that describes what she can do exactly.
2. Story ending: More of a usual and personal pick of mine, I feel the story should end with her properly going to the F.L rather than being stuck in the mines and getting out at some undisclosed time.
3. Activities: Did she do anything other than mine? The story said she wasn't interested in boys and what not, but what about other activities? What did she do in her home life or free time that wasn't mining? What was her family life like?
4. Foraging: The skill just seems to be here but I read nothing on her learning this skill. Who taught her? When did she learn if she spent all her time mining?
That should be it. Everything else looks pretty solid to me. Fix this and I will take another look.
1. Skill Descriptions: I need you to go into detail of what her skills are. I see the levels of the skills, but I need something that describes what she can do exactly.
2. Story ending: More of a usual and personal pick of mine, I feel the story should end with her properly going to the F.L rather than being stuck in the mines and getting out at some undisclosed time.
3. Activities: Did she do anything other than mine? The story said she wasn't interested in boys and what not, but what about other activities? What did she do in her home life or free time that wasn't mining? What was her family life like?
4. Foraging: The skill just seems to be here but I read nothing on her learning this skill. Who taught her? When did she learn if she spent all her time mining?
That should be it. Everything else looks pretty solid to me. Fix this and I will take another look.