18-09-2015, 05:43 PM
Hello there Lucifer, Leaf here, here to grade your application.
-=oOo=-
I can tell you right now that your application's got quite a solid backstory, but nevertheless has got room for improvement. Let me list some points that I'd like elaborated.
Where's Mommy?: Now, I know that your character, being based off of the angel Lucifer, can't exactly have a mother or a mother-figure in his life. But nevertheless, as the setting is set amid humans, I'd like to know what happened to Lucifer's mother. If she had died before Lucifer had become old enough to remember her, I'd like to know how the absense of a mother affected him, and if she was alive the whole time, why none of her children bothered to seek her love instead of their father's.
Life's too short to work: Something else that I noticed was the fact that until the age of seventeen, when Lucifer finally decided to run away from home, he has done nothing but wish for his father's affection. Looking at his skills, he hasn't done much to improve himself in his younger days; has he done nothing to help his father out in his work? I would have assumed that if their father was so busy at his job, he would have asked for help from his sons. Unless they had different aspirations, I don't see why they would be content to stay home all day long, for years.
Three points to Illusion: I am willing to assume that his combat skills, swordsmanship and archery, comes from his experience as a mercenary. I can also assume where the cooking skill comes from as easily. But illusion and other tricks? I don't quite see how and when Lucifer had the chance to learn this particular skill, unless his choice of mercenary work involved working with mercenaries of the Orient, with their throwing stars and smoke bombs. I'd like to know more about how Lucifer got this skill in relation to the backstory.
-=oOo=-
And that's it for now, bump the thread once you're done editing.
-=oOo=-
I can tell you right now that your application's got quite a solid backstory, but nevertheless has got room for improvement. Let me list some points that I'd like elaborated.
Where's Mommy?: Now, I know that your character, being based off of the angel Lucifer, can't exactly have a mother or a mother-figure in his life. But nevertheless, as the setting is set amid humans, I'd like to know what happened to Lucifer's mother. If she had died before Lucifer had become old enough to remember her, I'd like to know how the absense of a mother affected him, and if she was alive the whole time, why none of her children bothered to seek her love instead of their father's.
Life's too short to work: Something else that I noticed was the fact that until the age of seventeen, when Lucifer finally decided to run away from home, he has done nothing but wish for his father's affection. Looking at his skills, he hasn't done much to improve himself in his younger days; has he done nothing to help his father out in his work? I would have assumed that if their father was so busy at his job, he would have asked for help from his sons. Unless they had different aspirations, I don't see why they would be content to stay home all day long, for years.
Three points to Illusion: I am willing to assume that his combat skills, swordsmanship and archery, comes from his experience as a mercenary. I can also assume where the cooking skill comes from as easily. But illusion and other tricks? I don't quite see how and when Lucifer had the chance to learn this particular skill, unless his choice of mercenary work involved working with mercenaries of the Orient, with their throwing stars and smoke bombs. I'd like to know more about how Lucifer got this skill in relation to the backstory.
-=oOo=-
And that's it for now, bump the thread once you're done editing.