08-10-2015, 02:51 PM
Right, welcome back Rand, it's been a while. I'll be grading your app, so let's get straight to it.
-=oOo=-
Childhood: You don't currently give much about your character's life starting from his birth, to the age of 112(?) - I'm guessing 15, because it's AV 28 by the time Ra starts off in the mining track - and I would like to know more about how he spent his childhood years and what it was like growing up in a mining town, because 15 years are rather a long time to leave it blank in a backstory.
Execution: For someone who looked up to his father more than anything in the world, Ra seems surprisingly unaffected by the execution afterwards. Did the death of his father, and the feeling of betrayal affect him in any way for the years to follow? Obviously his mother was devastated, and he had to take care of her, but I'd like to see what effects the event had on Ra himself.
Mining Skill: Considering Ra started mining at 15, the age of 33 isn't quite enough for a character to have an expert skill. Remember that to have an expert skill, a character needs 15 years of practive outside the years he or she would've spent learning the skill in the first place. I suggest taking his skill down a notch, and leaving it at advanced.
-=oOo=-
So that's it for the first round, and might I request you to proofread your backstory? It doesn't exactly hold ground in the criteria for approval, but it would certainly make the process a bit, smoother.
Bump the thread once you're done!
-=oOo=-
Childhood: You don't currently give much about your character's life starting from his birth, to the age of 112(?) - I'm guessing 15, because it's AV 28 by the time Ra starts off in the mining track - and I would like to know more about how he spent his childhood years and what it was like growing up in a mining town, because 15 years are rather a long time to leave it blank in a backstory.
Execution: For someone who looked up to his father more than anything in the world, Ra seems surprisingly unaffected by the execution afterwards. Did the death of his father, and the feeling of betrayal affect him in any way for the years to follow? Obviously his mother was devastated, and he had to take care of her, but I'd like to see what effects the event had on Ra himself.
Mining Skill: Considering Ra started mining at 15, the age of 33 isn't quite enough for a character to have an expert skill. Remember that to have an expert skill, a character needs 15 years of practive outside the years he or she would've spent learning the skill in the first place. I suggest taking his skill down a notch, and leaving it at advanced.
-=oOo=-
So that's it for the first round, and might I request you to proofread your backstory? It doesn't exactly hold ground in the criteria for approval, but it would certainly make the process a bit, smoother.
Bump the thread once you're done!