03-01-2017, 06:51 PM
Hello, Noon, sorry for the wait. I'm Hutchy and I'll be helping you through whitelisting. Just a few things I need you to change to make your app acceptable.
First, I feel like I should refer you to a previously written culture lore found here. This is an accepted approximation of the Japanese style culture you seem to be going for. That said, I'd like you to study it and include some reference to it in your character's backstory.
Next, I'd like to see some further relation to the server's lore, found here. While it's fine to have your cahracter's upbringing be quite secluded, it is still necessary that the events going on in the background have a mention.
About the dragon, I'm not sure how many people are doing the fighting here. Currently it looks like only two people are fighting an overgrown, fire-breathing gecko which wouldn't end well for either of them. Especially given we currently have no idea how big a 'clan' is. Please clarify this.
Additionally, their clan set up on a peak, which tend to be quite desolate and barren. That said, I'd like some more detail on his escape.
14 years pass without much detail given as to his activity. It doesn't need to be much, but I'd like to see an explanation of how he lived for that time. As an idea, if where he settled was nearby, or people were receptive enough, he might have even started his own dojo.
As for your skills, I think they're fine.
That's all for now, post again in this thread when you've made your edits and we'll continue from there.
First, I feel like I should refer you to a previously written culture lore found here. This is an accepted approximation of the Japanese style culture you seem to be going for. That said, I'd like you to study it and include some reference to it in your character's backstory.
Next, I'd like to see some further relation to the server's lore, found here. While it's fine to have your cahracter's upbringing be quite secluded, it is still necessary that the events going on in the background have a mention.
About the dragon, I'm not sure how many people are doing the fighting here. Currently it looks like only two people are fighting an overgrown, fire-breathing gecko which wouldn't end well for either of them. Especially given we currently have no idea how big a 'clan' is. Please clarify this.
Additionally, their clan set up on a peak, which tend to be quite desolate and barren. That said, I'd like some more detail on his escape.
14 years pass without much detail given as to his activity. It doesn't need to be much, but I'd like to see an explanation of how he lived for that time. As an idea, if where he settled was nearby, or people were receptive enough, he might have even started his own dojo.
As for your skills, I think they're fine.
That's all for now, post again in this thread when you've made your edits and we'll continue from there.