03-02-2017, 08:28 PM
Hello, Rigorin, sorry for the wait. I'm Hutchy and I'll be helping you through whitelisting.
You've made a good start with the backstory, but there's just a few things you need to see to:
The first is that while you do mention the dusk portal starting to open, you need to mention the events after that, those being the end of the civil war and the portal opening fully.
Next, just a comment on Stuart's age... he seems to be far too old to still bea career soldier. 60 I would understand if he were close to retirement, or whatever like plan there is after that, but 80? There are some fit 80 year olds out there, but you must keep in mind the medieval-ish time period Mesalia is set in. Most would not live to see that age, nevermind be able to figh and run as he does.
That's all I have for you right now. Post in this thread again when you've made your edits and we'll continue.
You've made a good start with the backstory, but there's just a few things you need to see to:
The first is that while you do mention the dusk portal starting to open, you need to mention the events after that, those being the end of the civil war and the portal opening fully.
Next, just a comment on Stuart's age... he seems to be far too old to still bea career soldier. 60 I would understand if he were close to retirement, or whatever like plan there is after that, but 80? There are some fit 80 year olds out there, but you must keep in mind the medieval-ish time period Mesalia is set in. Most would not live to see that age, nevermind be able to figh and run as he does.
That's all I have for you right now. Post in this thread again when you've made your edits and we'll continue.