06-06-2017, 06:11 PM
Hello, Botmon. I'm Hutchy and I'll be helping you through whitelisting.
Your backstory needs more relation to the setting's lore, which can be found here. There needs to be some relation to the lore to help us see how and why this character fits into the setting. What impact did the Civil War have on her home, her family? Does her family bear a grudge because of the slavery? Please elaborate on this.
Your character’s backstory doesn't do a lot to explain personal growth over his life. The backstory needs to show more description of how he was as a child, how he was through adolescence and then into adulthood. It is necessary that we see how the character has changed over the years before arriving in the setting. Please work on this. In addition, we ask that a paragraph describing the character’s personality be added to help us judge it’s realism. If you’re having trouble writing this, the Character Sheets forum is a good place to start.
Your character’s appearance needs some work. Mesalians are basically humans, so won't have blue/grey skin or red eyes. Since you are new here, I'm afraid you're restricted to playing a Mesalian.
Now for the main problem for this round: Mesalians cannot survive prolonged periods in either the Dusk or Celestial Realma, a few hours at most. This has to change to be the Middle Realm before we continue.
That's all for now. Post again in this thread when you've made your edits and we'll continue.
Your backstory needs more relation to the setting's lore, which can be found here. There needs to be some relation to the lore to help us see how and why this character fits into the setting. What impact did the Civil War have on her home, her family? Does her family bear a grudge because of the slavery? Please elaborate on this.
Your character’s backstory doesn't do a lot to explain personal growth over his life. The backstory needs to show more description of how he was as a child, how he was through adolescence and then into adulthood. It is necessary that we see how the character has changed over the years before arriving in the setting. Please work on this. In addition, we ask that a paragraph describing the character’s personality be added to help us judge it’s realism. If you’re having trouble writing this, the Character Sheets forum is a good place to start.
Your character’s appearance needs some work. Mesalians are basically humans, so won't have blue/grey skin or red eyes. Since you are new here, I'm afraid you're restricted to playing a Mesalian.
Now for the main problem for this round: Mesalians cannot survive prolonged periods in either the Dusk or Celestial Realma, a few hours at most. This has to change to be the Middle Realm before we continue.
That's all for now. Post again in this thread when you've made your edits and we'll continue.