05-12-2017, 07:20 PM
Hello Eve and welcome to Mesalia! We are absolutely still running and glad to see you interested in joining us. I'm JackdawGrey, and I'll be filling in for the usual app guys (with the admin's approval, see Zarkaylia for questions) by taking a look at your application today. So far you have the beginnings of a good application, but there are just a few things I'd like to work on before we give this the ol' seal of approval.
1: Backstory. Torianna's backstory is very brief and itemized, it would help immensely if you could elaborate more on the details. I liked the lore relation and dates you tied in, but we can touch up on that further to really express the character. Examples and suggestions are: How did she feel about different events and how specifically did they change her? Or maybe go in more detail about her parent's personalities and backgrounds, and the background of the place or places she lived. It has an Army, it has a problem with dusk creatures roaming in the woods, but what else about this place can lend the character some depth? Note that the world of Mesalia isn't a unified place, most of our characters have different homelands with different influences on their backgrounds.
2: Skills. This is one of the big problems we have on Mesalia, and one I often get corrected on in my own character applications. The skills need to reflect the age of the character according to the skill guide found here: ( http://www.mesalia.net/forum/showthread.php?tid=271 ) I would advise bumping down one of her two "competent" skills to "apprentice" or lower, as she is only 15 and hasn't had the time to hone two professional level skills.
3: Items. I could use some more detail about the sword she's bringing with her. What type of sword is it? What material? Is it quality? We use in-game items to represent roleplay props rather than use their mechanics (for example: a gold sword does not exist in roleplay).
Once you have these edited, just post a reply in this thread and we'll take a look at your edits! You can let me know if you have any questions by replying here or sending me a forum PM, and I'll try to reply as quickly as possible. I hope I've been helpful with this information, and I'm looking forward to seeing your edit!
1: Backstory. Torianna's backstory is very brief and itemized, it would help immensely if you could elaborate more on the details. I liked the lore relation and dates you tied in, but we can touch up on that further to really express the character. Examples and suggestions are: How did she feel about different events and how specifically did they change her? Or maybe go in more detail about her parent's personalities and backgrounds, and the background of the place or places she lived. It has an Army, it has a problem with dusk creatures roaming in the woods, but what else about this place can lend the character some depth? Note that the world of Mesalia isn't a unified place, most of our characters have different homelands with different influences on their backgrounds.
2: Skills. This is one of the big problems we have on Mesalia, and one I often get corrected on in my own character applications. The skills need to reflect the age of the character according to the skill guide found here: ( http://www.mesalia.net/forum/showthread.php?tid=271 ) I would advise bumping down one of her two "competent" skills to "apprentice" or lower, as she is only 15 and hasn't had the time to hone two professional level skills.
3: Items. I could use some more detail about the sword she's bringing with her. What type of sword is it? What material? Is it quality? We use in-game items to represent roleplay props rather than use their mechanics (for example: a gold sword does not exist in roleplay).
Once you have these edited, just post a reply in this thread and we'll take a look at your edits! You can let me know if you have any questions by replying here or sending me a forum PM, and I'll try to reply as quickly as possible. I hope I've been helpful with this information, and I'm looking forward to seeing your edit!