15-09-2019, 12:43 PM
Sorry for the wait, Melon. Got some feedback for you.
I'm mostly satisfied with your application, however the backstory needs some work. Currently, I don't feel it follows Saeunn closely enough, and jumps very quickly to, presumably, her early adulthood. For the backstory to work it needs to follow the character from their childhood up to that point rather than giving us a vague impression. When I read it, it seems to only be a justification for her skills and the required lore relation.
While we don't need a pages long autobiography, I'd recommend reading up on other characters' backstories to flesh this out some more. That way we have something to know of the character that isn't the minimum and explains why she is how she is.
Also, just as a point of relation to the server, hinting to a real world equivalent is A-OK, but flat out stating what things are or where they're from can leave things open to negative stereotypes, nevermind being unnecessary. I'd recommend removing those.
That's all I have for now. Bump this thread when you've made your edits and we can continue.
I'm mostly satisfied with your application, however the backstory needs some work. Currently, I don't feel it follows Saeunn closely enough, and jumps very quickly to, presumably, her early adulthood. For the backstory to work it needs to follow the character from their childhood up to that point rather than giving us a vague impression. When I read it, it seems to only be a justification for her skills and the required lore relation.
While we don't need a pages long autobiography, I'd recommend reading up on other characters' backstories to flesh this out some more. That way we have something to know of the character that isn't the minimum and explains why she is how she is.
Also, just as a point of relation to the server, hinting to a real world equivalent is A-OK, but flat out stating what things are or where they're from can leave things open to negative stereotypes, nevermind being unnecessary. I'd recommend removing those.
That's all I have for now. Bump this thread when you've made your edits and we can continue.