23-03-2013, 04:09 PM
Hello! My name is FireDog and I will be grading your application! While you have a decent start, I can't quite pass this application just yet.
1. Length and detail.
Your backstory could be much more in depth as to what it is. Try adding more details and explaining more on your characters childhood and how things affected him. As of now, it feels like a list of events rather a character story.
Additionally, your backstory could use some more terms that fit with the time. For example, instead of "Driver", you should refer to the man as a "Captain" as that is the proper term.
Finally, try to flesh out your characters personality a bit more to make him a more dimensional character. I would suggest a list having both his good traits and bad traits to go along with what you already have.
2. Skills
Your character may not have an expert level skill at the age of 17. Currently, staff is reworking a proper skill list for the players to follow to avoid confusion and character over powerness. I know being an expert in painting might not seem like much, but we want to avoid characters coming in with expert or master skills.
The list I follow is:
Novice, Apprentice, Moderate, Adept, Expert, Master.
Considering your characters age, I would suggest his painting skill be either Moderate or Adept.
From there, you can probobally change the other skills according to what you feel works best for the balance.
3. Structure!
Its a bit of a nit-pick, but could you please make your application look a bit neater so that the skills are not so jumbled together (along with some other things)?
Doing so would make my job easier, thanks!
That's all, oh and you don't have to re-apply. Simply edit this application and feel free to post saying that you did so when you feel that you have fixed everything. Good luck!
1. Length and detail.
Your backstory could be much more in depth as to what it is. Try adding more details and explaining more on your characters childhood and how things affected him. As of now, it feels like a list of events rather a character story.
Additionally, your backstory could use some more terms that fit with the time. For example, instead of "Driver", you should refer to the man as a "Captain" as that is the proper term.
Finally, try to flesh out your characters personality a bit more to make him a more dimensional character. I would suggest a list having both his good traits and bad traits to go along with what you already have.
2. Skills
Your character may not have an expert level skill at the age of 17. Currently, staff is reworking a proper skill list for the players to follow to avoid confusion and character over powerness. I know being an expert in painting might not seem like much, but we want to avoid characters coming in with expert or master skills.
The list I follow is:
Novice, Apprentice, Moderate, Adept, Expert, Master.
Considering your characters age, I would suggest his painting skill be either Moderate or Adept.
From there, you can probobally change the other skills according to what you feel works best for the balance.
3. Structure!
Its a bit of a nit-pick, but could you please make your application look a bit neater so that the skills are not so jumbled together (along with some other things)?
Doing so would make my job easier, thanks!
That's all, oh and you don't have to re-apply. Simply edit this application and feel free to post saying that you did so when you feel that you have fixed everything. Good luck!