[Demotheus]

Updated backstory, personality and skills.

For the record, I'd honestly prefer you give me all the feedback possible, rather then little bits at a time.

"We need to get to that first." I don't like that. Please get to it all at once.

[FireDog]

Updated backstory, personality and skills.

For the record, I'd honestly prefer you give me all the feedback possible, rather then little bits at a time.

"We need to get to that first." I don't like that. Please get to it all at once.

While I understand that you'd prefer me to grade everything at once, my personal way of grading applications does not follow that. I do this to make it easier for myself to organize and work with.

Skills:

Your character still has too many job skills, even at novice level, to learn within the short amount of time.

Blacksmithing, Cooking, horse care, sewing and construction are all under that category.

Note, horse care and horse riding should be two different skills. Horse care counting as another job skill.

On top of this, the combat and medicine skills are too much with the plethora of skills. Medicine and weapon skills are the MOST difficult to learn, meaning they take more time than the average skill to properly get a grasp of.

You're going to have to remove some skills. Please revise.

[Demotheus]

Updated.

[FireDog]

Skills:

Still too many. The problem comes from the fact that some of these are not able to be considered skills anymore.

Pay attention here, please. A skill is something you can do as a job or profession, here in Mesalia. Meaning to have skill in something would be to be able to carry out the task in at least a manner of someone who has been learning for a few years.

Anything less than novice is not a skill.

Take the hand-to-hand combat. That is best summarized as:
"She knows to punch people in the face. She can hit hard."

It is no longer a skill as anyone can do that. Thomas can, Ezri can, Zark can.

However other skills I will not pass simply because you changed them to "less than novice" which means nothing if she can still preform the same tasks.

Remove construction from the list, just about anyone can pitch a tent.

Achery is not considered a skill at that point. Anyone can take a cross bow and aim at a still target to maybe hit it after a few tries.

Blacksmithing: The way you describe it makes it sound like she learned some things about it and worked fora few hours. However she is apparently able to forge some crude items. Either make it novice or remove it from actual use.

Horse back riding: Should be it's own skill. This can be minor and does not count as a job skill.

Horse care: Should be it's own skill. This counts as a job skill.

Sword play: This sounds something at novice level. Changing it to "less than novice" sounds like an out and harms credibility.

If you remove some skills and change the levels of others, I think you'd finally be at an acceptable point with the skill use.

Note: You can have something along the lines of Comp sword, apprentice horse care, novice cooking and novice smithing.

What this does:

- Gives you an able skill to use in the setting and for the character to have use.

- Allows you to expand on other things like smithing in the future

- Gives a nice, balanced skill base.

[Demotheus]

Updated. I'm pretty sure this is what you're looking for, so hopefully I got it right this time.