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[Whitelisted] River's Application
#1
In Game Name(IGN):
I don’t actually have one yet, I don’t want to bother paying for it until after I get accepted.

Why do you want to join?
To be honest, because a close friend is begging me to give it a try. I love to write, and I’ve done a few small group role plays on a forum. But never got too far into it, seems fun though.

Do you have any RP'ing experience?
A pinch. Perhaps a dash. Maybe a light drizzle? I’m new to this, in a way.

Your Character Biography:
Nicole Shepherd was born on a well-established farm. She had a loving family with several brothers and sisters, and her mother never let her go without what she wanted. She never asked for much, usually only asking for her favorite foods or new clothes. Her favorite past time was climbing the apple trees and playing hide and seek with her siblings in the tall grasses of the fallow fields. By the time she was six, she was learning to help her father in the fields. She loved all the work her parents gave her on the farm, never complaining about the long days managing the fields and animals. She loved watching as heads of wheat shot up from the ground and over the season changed color from bright green to a beautiful gold that matched the sunny horizon. By the time she was twelve she learned to manage the crops and raise wheat, barley, potatoes, and even cotton. At thirteen she was taught to guide a plow and take care of the oxen. She loved spending time with the great big beasts, enjoying even tedious tasks such as brushing them daily. Her mother taught her and her sisters how to grind the wheat and barley into grain, and bake the warm crunchy bread that sustained the family. She loved how if she gave the earth her love it would yield her good food and beauty. Everything she needed to be happy.

The purges never reached the farm. Nicole never once met a lucin or a xitian; no one really had a reason to go out to such a small farming community. Until the civil war. When the civil war finally reached her family farm, no one was allowed to do what they loved anymore. Instead they did what the soldiers told them to do. Nicole was taken from her family when the farm didn’t make enough money to pay the taxes, and she was put to work in a mine at the age of fourteen. She worked the earth like before, but now she worked under people who didn’t love her. And she didn’t get to enjoy the sun on her skin and the bounty of nature in her fingers. The stone was not like tilled earth. It did not yield itself to her love; instead it yielded to strength and anger. So she grew angry. She pummeled at the rocks each day until her freedom with sadness and rage in her heart. Two years later the time finally came for her to be set free and she promised herself she would get far away from the war that took her from her family. Far away from the anger it put in her.

When she returned to the farm it was little more then an empty shell. The family was scattered and the property sold to some wealthy noble. Her father gave her some food and money; and she used it to join a group sailing to the forbidden lands. They found a path of beacons when they got there. Some settled immediately at the coast, ignoring the lights. Some died on the journey. Some strayed from the path to settle elsewhere. After a year of traveling in a group Nicole was alone. But she had faith in the path. A hopeful instinct. So for a few more days she followed it. And she reached the path's end.

Description:
She is seventeen years old, and has a thin unhealthy body from the year journey. She stands at about sixty-four inches tall, has a fair and pale skin complexion with lots of freckles, periwinkle eyes, and long frizzly jet black hair.

Personality:
Nicole is very down to earth, loving of her environment and honest work. She keeps to herself most of the time, generally a quiet person. Once she gets to know someone she is more likely to show a free and kind spirit, and display more confident behavior around them. She reacts positively to affection, encouragement, and kindness. She reacts negatively to aggression, most authority, and any violence.

On the negative side Nicole is very shy towards most people at first and has trouble projecting her voice. She doesn't get along easily with people who try to take authority over her or directly give her orders and downright refuses to put herself in a position of debt to anyone. She can easily lose her temper around violence and violent people finding most fighting to be selfish, childish, and pointless. She is vulnerable to attention and encouragement and can be led astray by those who would use her with those. Lastly she is easily distracted by things from nature such as animals or flowers or mineral veins.

Interests:
Nicole is very interested in working with the earth and other people who do so. She has interest in keeping animals and gardens with her spare time rather then spending too much time with people. One thing that draws her out of her shell is music and festivals; whenever there is an opportunity to dance she will be there in seeming stark contrast to her usual shy nature.

Specify your character's skills:
She was raised on a farm so she knows a lot about agriculture and basic farm life. She knows how to raise potatoes, wheat, barley, cotton, and how to tend to fruit trees. She also knows how to guide a plow and use other farming tools, and take care of work animals. She has a basic knowledge of baking, mostly breads.
She knows the basics of mining as well from a few years spent working in one to pay her family’s tax debt. Mostly how to handle the tools and keep them in repair, and how to identify ores.

In summary,
-Proficient wheat, barley, potato, and cotton farming.
-Competent ability to use and care for farm work animals.
-Competent baking, mostly bread.
-Novice mining work, mostly digging and basic prospecting.
-A knowledge of handling the tools related to her work, and basic upkeep of those tools.

Does your character bring anything to the setting (part from clothes)?
An old glass bottle used for water. Her father's walking stick that she uses to keep the bad things that go bump at night away. And (if allowed) a small bag of cotton seeds because I realize that might be hard to find later.

Anything you'd like to add?
Not particularly.
#2
Hello once again River! I will be grading your application today!

The application is short, sweet, and I did not find myself wanting to pull my hair out. Which is a good start. Although if I had to pick out some things (And I do)

1. Perhaps a little bit more relation to the lore? Your character is 17, so I understand she would not have too much lore relation. But I would like you to add some things dealing with Xitians and Lucins please. Maybe the purges too. Just to give some more detail.

2. Perhaps add some more age details during the backstory. You mention your character is six when she starts working on the farm, but could you add more? When was she kidnapped? When was she released from the mines? I can make assumptions but I will need a proper age.

3. Next, could you elaborate a bit more on Nicholes travels in the lands? The backstory says she traveled for a year but I have no other details outside of that. Please explain more on how she managed to get to the city with dusk monsters that would certainly pollute the path and make things dangerous. Also, please explain how she had enough food to manage the trip.

4. Finally, could you make your skill section a bit more traditional. Not a paragraph but a list showing the skill, skill level, then explanation. For example, this is what I have for my character Thomas:

Skills:
- Moderate swordsman -Thomas has trained under his foster mother, Zarkaylia for years now and with practice against dusk monsters and sparring, Thomas has now become able to use his sword.

- Moderate Shield use - Thomas has received training from Atlas on how to use a shield and with years of hard work and practice during the same time he used the sword, Thomas can use a shield efficiently.

- Moderate lute playing - Thomas has played a lute since he arrived at the lands, however only revived minimal training from Gerolf on how to tune and strum some notes on the lute. Most playing Thomas has figured out himself.

- Moderate drawing - Thomas often enjoys drawing and draws what he wants daily for the sake of expressing himself creatively.

- Can read and write - Thomas learned how to read and write from his original parents in Provensia. Thomas expanded this knowledge in his time at the lands.

Take note that your character would not have expert or master skills at this point. Most teenager characters should have what I do for Thomas, Moderate to Adpet in skill usage characters. Thomas also has what may seem to be several skills, but this is due to using both sword and shield at the same time. Playing the lute and drawing he started at a younger age, and reading and writing does not take too much.

If you need any help, feel free to peak around other stories for characters that have been approved. I enjoyed reading your application quite a bit. Thanks for applying and good luck.
#3
#4
I added some basic interests to get more feeling for the character.
#5
My apologies for the late reply. I have not had time to log in this week.

Alright, your application is improving. However I have recently spotted some things in the more detailed section involving personality.

1. Could you perhaps add more depth to the character by adding negative traits? Things that are bad about your character? You currently have none and that is a bit troublesome. Things like: "Clumsy, Lies for no reason, etc." Everyone has negative traits and I would like you to give your character some.
Be sure make have the traits make sense, "Shy" could work for one although you should give Nichole a few.

2. Back to the skills section, I would like to ask you to use this format:
Novice/Beginner -- Apprentice/Basic -- Competent/Average/Moderate/Proficient--Advanced/Adept/Skilled --Expert--Master

You have some of those listed, although I would prefer a more specific scale like I have listed.

Novice should be about 1-2 years of working on a skill.
Apprentice should be about 3-4 years of working on a skill.
Average/Moderate should be about 5-9 years of working on a skill.
Adept should be about 10-14 years of working on a skill.
Expert should be about 15 years plus.
Master should be about 20 years plus when strait up only working on that skill and devotion to all their studies on that skill.

Note that these years only apply to how much one character may study this skill. If the character has more skills, then they would not reach Master after 20 years.
To help you out a little, you character is 17.
Helping out with the farm since the age of six.
At the age of 12 she was able to do her own work.
With the gap in the skill due to mining, I would say Nichole should be high level apprentice or moderate in farming tasks.
Mining feels about right being at novice.

That's about it! Thanks!
  


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