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App - Tetrislover225
#1
IGN: Tetrislover225
About You: I saw this site on Reddit before but didn't appy. Now I haven't slept in 24+ hours so I'm here. I hope you guys have Europeans or something, because I'm an insomniac. I played some D&D one time. I suck at talking about myself...
 

Name: Lien
Age: 17
Gender: Ciswoman

Appearance: She's a beautiful young woman with a petite figure and dark brown skin that is peppered with freckles. She has even darker brown, mono-lidded eyes, and black hair that is naturally straight, but she likes to wear it in loose curls (she curls it by wrapping it around ribbons and tying it up while its damp, then letting it dry). She has a couple of sets of clothes, but they’re usually a white, low-cut blouse with a leather corset on top, and a brightly-colored long skirt. She’s short for her age.

Personality: She's witty, intelligent, and charismatic for her age, but she's really lazy and un-commited, generally. She sometimes shows interest in learning stuff, but gets bored fast. The only thing she's committed to and puts effort into is trying to get away with doing as little as possible. She thinks physical labor and chores are boring, which means she will do almost anything to get out of them. Her usual method is through her wit and charisma; her life's been short so far, but she's spent most of it talking her way out of trouble. She's actually good with words and body language, but doesn't apply it to anything other than weaselling out of stuff. When she isn't trying to hide from responsibilitie, she's easy-going and social. She's immature and hard to really be friends with, but fun to be around. If you want to hang out, she'll hang out, but if you want to talk about problems, she usually brushes them off. She's a little selfish and shallow. She just likes fun and being care-free. To her, fun is parties and adventures, but it's also chilling at home and playing cards with friends. She's used to a social and active lifestyle that is all about moving around, and rarely sticking to one thing. She plays the lute and sings for a living but it's not a deep passion or art of hers. It's just an easy job with flexibility. She also likes fashion, sleeping, and good food.

Backstory: She was born into a very big family of travelling merchants and performers. Growing up, she was surrounded by generations: her grandparents, parents, aunties and uncles, cousins and siblings and cousin's kids and so on. Travelling as large group through the mainland was chaotic for everyone, and they usually had to camp outside of towns because inn rooms for that many people was expensive. But since the tensions of the Civil War, her family stuck together for safety in numbers. Lien grew up well-adjusted in the chaos, but was a little spoilt because with so much to handle, a lot of the adults let her, and her siblings and her cousins go around mostly unchecked. It was the duty of the older children to take care of the younger ones, but the older kids didn't like babysitting and were pretty neglectful. So she spent most of her childhood playing and doing whatever she wanted while passing on her chores and duties to the kids who were younger than her. Such was the pecking order. Along with all the other kids in her family, she was also taught how to be a merchant and a performer, but she found her lessons and rehersals boring. The lessons never stuck with her, but she picked up performing like a natural because she found it useful for faking sick or an injury to get out of work. Eventually, her slacking off was exposed when she was 8 years old because the civil war ended, and her extended family went their separate ways, so it was more obvious to her parents that her younger siblings were doing all the chores. But by then it was too late: she liked being lazy, and she knew how to get away with things. Her parents struggled to get her to take up a specific trade, and stubbornly, she started with the lute at 10 because even she could recognise that adulthood was coming, and she couldn't do nothing forever. And it seemed easy enough: singing was easier than sword-swallowing or doing flips and she had the natural talent for performing. Her teen years were spent travelling the mainland with her parents and playing in taverns and town squares where ever they went. Because the moved around a lot, the only real friends she had were her family but while they liked her care-free attitude, they didn't like her inability to grow up like the rest of them and were constantly lecturing her. She snuck out at night and did the typical rebellion stuff to get away from it all. When she turned 17, she and her immediate family moved to the Forbidden Lands to escape the threat the Xitians carried. Everyone including Lien was worried about the dangers they heard about the forbidden lands, but they all knew how even more dangerous the Xitians could be from her grandparents' stories. The move was still easy for her because even though it was dangerous, it felt like a new adventure for her. But the sea-travel was rough because there was no where to go at night, no place to get away from her daily dose of lecturing. So Lien decided it was time to fully branch away from her family and live a new life with her own personal space and no one breathing down her neck. Saying her goodbyes, they headed somewhere else, and she went to Nightveil.

Capabilities:
Lute - Competent
Singing - Competent
Music Composition - Apprentice
Outdoor Survival - Apprentice
Acrobatics - Novice

Items: A lute with some spare strings, some travel rations, a flask of water, a few sets of clothes, some hair ribbons, a comb, a gold coin or two.

Additional Comments: Her songs will be real pop songs that don’t have references to modern stuff, if that's ok.
#2
[dir=ltr]Hello, Tetris. I'm Hutchy and I'll be helping you through whitelisting.
  • Your character’s backstory doesn't do a lot to explain personal growth over her life, particularly through her teens. The backstory needs to show more description of how she was as a child, how she was through adolescence and then into adulthood. It is necessary that we see how the character has changed over the years before arriving in the setting. Please work on this. In addition, we ask that a paragraph describing the character’s personality be added to help us judge it’s realism.
[/dir]
  • Your character’s skills need to be worked on, and it’s current layout makes it difficult to understand the ‘level’ of her skills. I recommend that you read this guide and evaluate the layout of this section.
 
  • Your character’s backstory is lacking in explanation of how she grew up. We need to see how her childhood was, what she experienced through adolescence. In short, it needs to be a biography of the character which shows that you know the character, understand the lore, and it must justify all of the character’s personality traits and skills. in summary, we need a more detailed backstory. If you’re having trouble understanding or writing this, the Character Sheets forum is a good place to start. 
 [dir=ltr]That's all for now. Bump this thread when you have finished the necessary edits and we can continue.

Tetris is fun, by the way...[/dir]
#3
I'm still working on stuff but I don't get what you mean about the skills. That guide does'nt have anything about format, it just has what rank to give stuff

So what format works for you?
#4
I'm done with everything except the skills.
#5
Can you tell it's been a while since I've done this?

As for the format of the skills, I could have sworn it was in the guide. Anyway, for the sake of ease, the format I mentioned looks like this, I'll use one of your skills as an example: Singing - Competent. 
Keeping them in the form of prose is perfectly acceptable, but for the ease of grading, it would be much appreciated if you listed them with the above format.

Good luck with your continued edits, from what I've skimmed over so far, it's looking like a good start!
  


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