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Graf

<color option="#00FFFF" style="color: #00FFFF;">In Game Name (IGN):</color> Graf 
 
<color option="#00FFFF" style="color: #00FFFF;">How did you find us? (Forums, friend, previous member, etc…)</color> /r/MCServers 
 
<color option="#00FFFF" style="color: #00FFFF;">About You:</color> My name is Graf, I'm 17 (born 12th Jan), born in Poland but currently live in London. I've RP'd for 4-odd years irl, ArmA II, Minecraft and on forums. As far as Minecraft is concerned I've played on LotC (#1 Minecraft RP server) since Spring 2012 and been staff (Media Team) on and off since September 2014, though unfortunately I believe it's recently gone down the drain, so I'm looking for somewhere else to reside. 
 
I study Music (both Theory & Tech), Maths, Physics and Computer Science. I plan to study something along the lines of Sound Engineering when I leave school. I compose a plethora of instrumental music genres, though mainly mingle in the confines of the string quartet. My favourite genres to listen to are Breakcore & DnB. I enjoy exploring languages and linguistics. I can speak a fair number to a conversational standard and often enjoy writing books or poetry. My favourite twitch.tv emote is Keepo. 
 
As for what you'll read below: I tend to Roleplay as female characters as I can't exactly grow some ovaries OOC and I do try to span the full axis of playable characters so I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. In easier terms: I larp as males and mcrp as both. 
 
<align option="center" style="text-align: center;"><size option="large" style="font-size:large">CHARACTER INFORMATION</size></align> 
 
<color option="#00FFFF" style="color: #00FFFF;">Name:</color> Rose Alyce Vengard / "Raven" 
 
<color option="#00FFFF" style="color: #00FFFF;">Age:</color> 22 
 
<color option="#00FFFF" style="color: #00FFFF;">Gender:</color> Female 
 
<color option="#00FFFF" style="color: #00FFFF;">Appearance:</color> Rose is regarded as quite a good-looking young woman. She has ginger hair, blue eyes and a kind smile. She usually wears a dress, the colour depending on her mood or what she manages to get her hands on. She's quite short and petite, being around 165 tall. She has more muscle than you'd expect from a woman her size, however it isn't enough to make her stand out. 
 
For attire, see Backstory. 
 
<color option="#00FFFF" style="color: #00FFFF;">Personality:</color> 
She knew how to behave herself around different sorts of people, however she'd most likely sit back and talk with a person or two rather than a larger group. She didn't exactly feel uncomfortable in crowds, it was more of a 'Do I want to talk to people today?' question to herself. 
 
<color option="#00FFFF" style="color: #00FFFF;">Backstory:</color> 
Rose was born on a cold winter morning, more or less halfway through the civil war. She grew up mostly oblivious to the atrocities that happened around her. She did not get to see the outside much, apart from the garden of their very small house. Her parents were lucky to have a home far away from any major settlements, pretty much secluded from any other people. Her early childhood mainly comprised of learning the foundations of things to come later on in life. Reading, writing, cooking, cleaning. She accepted it as she hadn't ever really experienced anything along the lines of 'fun'. This is what she did from day to day, so she had nothing to compare it to. It was in essence the most fun thing she had to do. 
 
Rose's father was quite a pious man. He didn't wish for his daughter to learn what went on in the land. Not because she was young, but because he believed women were not to meddle in "men's business". He made sure his wife taught their daughter things that would help make her a good wife in her future life, not things that would clutter her head and take her focus away from doing housework. 
 
A while after her 10th birthday, the war had died down and her parents decided to let her explore the outside world their cottage, which much to their surprise was left mostly untouched despite all the fighting. The family had sustained themselves off their own land, only very rarely going to town to trade and buy something, if the towns were still standing. 
 
Now depending on your view point that was either the best thing they could've done, or the biggest mistake they could've made. Being open to the new magical realm of <a href="http://www.reddit.com/r/outside/">the outside</a> had her asking questions. She did what any child her age would do - explore. She didn't stray away from the house at first, but as she got braver her parents grew more and more worried. Only a few months after granting her some freedom, they took it back again. 
 
As you might expect, Rose was not the same again. All she could think of was what adventure lay outside of the confines of their home. She began asking questions, and when they were left unanswered she tried to find the answer herself. She was a young teenager after all. Much to her displeasure, her father was having none of it. He was set on not allowing her outside again until he saw it fit. He planned to marry her off when she came of age and not have to worry about her anymore. A small part of him always wished he had a son instead. 
 
Fast forward half a decade, life had not changed much for Rose. Her mother was still teaching her the skills she believed she'd need later on in life, and her father still didn't think it was time for her to be independent again. However... it was time for something else. Something quite on the other side of the spectrum. Her father had become quite ill in over the recent few months, and his situation had not improved. Both Rose and her mother grew worried he might pass, and with the very primitive cures they had available, getting better was becoming less and less of a possibility. 
 
Rose's 'curriculum' had changed from housework to caring for her father. She loved him and didn't want to see him go, but she could feel it was a losing battle. He passed away in the autumn before Rose's 16th winter, never quite seeing his daughter become an adult. 
 
After the inevitable melancholy winter, Rose's mother decided it was time for her to be independent. She felt she had taught her enough and couldn't support both of them properly. She decided it was time to let Rose go into the outside world and experience life as anyone should - to stop being confined by one's parents. 
 
Rose had never had much contact with people apart from her parents and the occassional courier that stopped by. The sight of even ten people in a town square made her feel a variety of things. Excited, curious, intimidated. She didn't really know quite how to integrate herself into society, though she noticed that people gave her more attention than her parents did back home. 
 
The first few nights were spent in an inn, using what little money her mother had given her to cover the rent costs. She spent most of her time outside, waking up at dawn and exploring the surroundings until dusk. 
 
After money had ran out, Rose took to working as a maid in various households, doing what she was taught to do pretty much all her life. She didn't have as much free time to go out and satisfy her need for adventure and exploration, but she did have a roof over her head and a hot meal twice a day. 
 
What annoyed Rose the most about her job is that people often heckled her, asking her questions she did not know the answers to and sharing a laugh amongst themselves when she could not understand what was so funny. She found herself uncomfortable in most of these situations, so in her bright teenage mind she decided she would be better off being someone else. Somebody completely different. 
 
The persona she chose - Raven - is her polar opposite. It's the side of herself she wished to let out but never quite had the ability to. She liked to often switch between the two personalities she had as long as nobody could associate the two together. She wore a half-mask and a hood when being Raven, so that people could barely make out her face. She wanted to be treated for who she really was, not what she looked like... though over time she grew to enjoy toying with people as either of the personas, her looks making the feat slightly easier when not hiding her face. 
 
When wearing the robe and half-mask, she preferred to be more of an extrovert and was much more forward, though when she lost the armour and donned a dress she was more shy and quiet. Only she knew of both sides of her, which often meant keeping the mask on was a necessity. 
 
The years passed quickly. Rose learnt and thusly grew to enjoy toying with people. She liked being able to for instance be someone's close friend as one of her personas, and make them hate her on the second. She found it quite intriguing to see both sides of someone brought out, finding it helps her understand more about people. She continued working as a maid of sorts in various households, asking for food and shelter rather than any kind of material goods. She simply didn't see the point in them. 
 
The longest she worked for in one place was a couple of months. She enjoyed travelling and didn't want to settle in one area for too long. When she heard people were moving to the Forbidden lands, she was excited. She did not understand why people seemed so scared about the prospect of a new land, nor did she realise why everyone was fleeing. She could tell something was wrong or even amiss, however she was much too focused on seeing these new realm that lay ahead. 
 
She found a small party of people who seemed in quite a hurry to get there and decided she'd tag along with them. They did not understand why she always seemed so laid back and upbeat, but she did not delay the group and was always keen to get a meal going when they stopped, so they asked her no questions. They were feeling generous enough to pay for her boat fare. She did work of them in a way and they were kind people, so it felt right. Rose had never been on a boat before, so as you might expect she was bursting with excitement. 
 
She adapted well to the marine life. She managed to convince the measly excuse they had for a navigator to teach her to read what little maps they had, and she picked up the skill quite fast, being able to pretty much do the navigator's job for him by the end of the journey. 
 
When it was finally time to depart, Rose felt quite sad. This has been the first time she's spent more than a couple of weeks with some people, and she had grown to like their company. She felt quite guilty for saying goodbye and going her own way, but she knew deep down that she'll be happier this way in the long run. She received a generous amount of food that would last her the journey to the nearest village, and from there she made her way alone again. Alone, though still as excited as ever. 
 
<color option="#00FFFF" style="color: #00FFFF;">Capabilities:</color> 
Climbing ~ Novice 
Cuisine ~ Apprentice 
Deception ~ Apprentice 
Disguises ~ Apprentice 
Medicine ~ Novice 
Persuasion ~ Apprentice 
Singing ~ Novice 
 
Also housecare as in cleaning dishes and general tidying ~ Competent 
^no clue where to put that as it's not a skill you've had on your thread 
 
<color option="#00FFFF" style="color: #00FFFF;">Items:</color> A couple of dresses, boots, light leather armour (not armour per-sę, just more masculine clothing I suppose), black half-mask, hood, misc food, odds and ends. 
 
<color option="#00FFFF" style="color: #00FFFF;">Additional Comments:</color>

Spoiler

this forum's text editor is terrible

**Hutchy** · (This post was last modified: 01-09-2015, 10:03 PM by Hutchy.)

[dir=ltr]Hello, Graf. I'm Hutchy and I'll be helping you through whitelisting.

Your backstory needs more relation to the setting’s lore, which can be found here. There needs to be some relation to the lore to help us see how and why this character fits into the setting. What impact did the Civil War have on her home, her family? Does her family bear a grudge because of the slavery? Please elaborate on this.

[/dir] [dir=ltr]

Your character’s backstory doesn't do a lot to explain personal growth over her life. The backstory needs to show more description of how she was as a child, how she was through adolescence and then into adulthood. It is necessary that we see how the character has changed over the years before arriving in the setting. Please work on this. If you’re having trouble writing this, the Character Sheets forum is a good place to start.

[/dir] [dir=ltr]

On your skills section, you seem to have put a level next to categories of skills. You don't need to do this. For instance, the skill Farming under Agriculture would be given a level, not the category, as follows; Farming - Competant. That said, you should list a number of skills in such a way as is allowed by the guide, and is sufficiently justified by the character's backstory and age.

That's all for now. Bump the thread when you've made the edits and we can continue.[/dir]

Graf · (This post was last modified: 02-09-2015, 04:41 AM by Graf.)

Quote:Hello, Graf. I'm Hutchy and I'll be helping you through whitelisting.

Well met.

Quote:Your backstory needs more relation to the setting’s lore, which can be found here.

I actually meant to write about this but clean forgot. On it.
Edit: Incorporated the civil war into it.

Quote:The backstory needs to show more description of how she was as a child, how she was through adolescence and then into adulthood.

Would you like to know what colour curtains her mother hanged up on what days? /s
I'll bullshit something in. I don't see the point in ever writing about this kind of stuff so I left it out.
Edit: Left myself a plan, done about half of it. Should be a nice 8-9 paras when I'm finished.

Quote:On your skills section, you seem to have put a level next to categories of skills.

Ah! Seems I misunderstood that page... Will fix.
Edit: Fixerino'd, will need to balance when I update the bio.

Quote:That's all for now.

"for now" ;-;

What timezone are you, if I may ask?

Graf · (This post was last modified: 02-09-2015, 04:21 PM by Graf.)

<img src=https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/40/Speed_bump.png width=250 height=250></img> 
I hereby apologise for my post structure. It's chaotic, I am well aware.

**Hutchy** · 02-09-2015, 08:34 PM

I'm in GMT, but I'm nocturnal, sleep durind the day and work late-afternoons and evenings so... yeah.

ANYWAY! Next round.

"A while after her 10th birthday, the war had died down" Earlier you mention that they keep themselves secluded from other people, if that's the case how did they learn this. Another question would be where they're getting food and such from. Do they grow/catch it themselves?

"She Began asking questions, and when they were left unanswered' So did her parents not know the answers to these questions or did they choose not to tell her? Seems like an odd thing to do after letting out of the house for the first time.

This is a good start, but I still need to see justification for her skills and personality through the story. For instance, there's no sort of training or practice in deception or disguises, and philosophy isn't really something the average person could teach. As with the lore and personality, this will help us to judge the quality of the character and if it'll fit in the setting.

Further on skills, there are too many for a character this age. To start, I'd lower or remove the skills Deception and disguises, both that she's had no formal training in these, and to reach that level she'd have needed to practice these for 10-14 years. Further, unless there's a good reason for it, I'd remove Philosophy. That said, if you make edits to thesebear in mind the requirements for skill levels, which are also explained in the skill guide.

That's all for now. Bump this thread when you have finished the necessary edits and we can continue.