26-09-2013, 07:10 PM
Hey, I made some edits that I think should do the trick:
1. I added a paragraph explaining her personal reaction to the attack, and I believe it shows that the Civil War did indeed affect her.
2. The two paragraphs I added help to explain details about Diana and her mentality.
3.I meant literal elephants. I've changed the wording to better convey this.
You said I needed to make this more plausible, and I'm not sure if you're saying that this couldn't happen, but here's the reasoning behind it.
Sirnovicia sits on the northern side of a rather wide (but not very tall) mountain range. It is on the windward side, giving it most the precipitation. On the southern side of the range, the environment might be described as a temperate savanna. It has many of the familiar savanna animals, but they are adapted to a mildly colder climate. The border between the savanna and the mountain range is where the Blood Peak Clan currently operates out of. With some planning, it would not have been impossible to make this journey with elephants, considering that Hannibal crossed the Alps to enter Italy with elephants, and this fictitious range is quite a bit lower than the Alps.
To recap. These are literal elephants. They are being used as siege weapons (The Blood Peak Clan has no idea what to expect from Sirnovicia or the merchant caravan). It would not have been impossible for them to cross the mountain range.
4. I significantly lengthened the personality description after gleaning some more traits out of the new paragraphs I wrote. I think this one is of acceptable detail and length.
5. I edited the Glassmaking skill to Competent.
Thank you for your help.
1. I added a paragraph explaining her personal reaction to the attack, and I believe it shows that the Civil War did indeed affect her.
2. The two paragraphs I added help to explain details about Diana and her mentality.
3.I meant literal elephants. I've changed the wording to better convey this.
You said I needed to make this more plausible, and I'm not sure if you're saying that this couldn't happen, but here's the reasoning behind it.
Sirnovicia sits on the northern side of a rather wide (but not very tall) mountain range. It is on the windward side, giving it most the precipitation. On the southern side of the range, the environment might be described as a temperate savanna. It has many of the familiar savanna animals, but they are adapted to a mildly colder climate. The border between the savanna and the mountain range is where the Blood Peak Clan currently operates out of. With some planning, it would not have been impossible to make this journey with elephants, considering that Hannibal crossed the Alps to enter Italy with elephants, and this fictitious range is quite a bit lower than the Alps.
To recap. These are literal elephants. They are being used as siege weapons (The Blood Peak Clan has no idea what to expect from Sirnovicia or the merchant caravan). It would not have been impossible for them to cross the mountain range.
4. I significantly lengthened the personality description after gleaning some more traits out of the new paragraphs I wrote. I think this one is of acceptable detail and length.
5. I edited the Glassmaking skill to Competent.
Thank you for your help.