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Diana Tsvetanov
#1
Name: Diana Tsvetanov

Gender: Female

Race: Mesalian

Age: 23

Appearance: Diana stands at 5’8 (68 inches). Her straight hair reaches about midway down her back, and is jet black. She has rather unremarkable brownish green eyes, and a light olive skin tone. She’s quite slim, though also lacks any notable muscle definition. A light frame grants her considerable speed, as well. Her hands are heavily scarred, though otherwise she doesn’t have many distinguishing marks.
Clothing wise, Diana currently has a naturally white woolen shirt, and trousers. She has a woolen and leather jacket, though she wears it only when quite cold, as it’s considerably warm and gets uncomfortable on even a reasonably warm day.

Personality:
Diana is an ESTP (Based off a few tests and my own thoughts). She is adaptable and opportunistic, and gets bored with repetitive tasks. She dislikes doing the same thing for a long period of time, and when she is forced to, she develops a horrible work ethic. She’s generally quite friendly, though currently, she’s a bit more reserved. She generally doesn’t prepare well for things, and has a bad habit of “winging” rather important things. Diana is a very honest person, in both good and bad ways. She wouldn’t attempt to deceive someone unless it was a very important matter, and she’s horrible at lying. On the other hand, she can also be brutally honest about her opinions on people, if she’s with someone she knows and trusts. Even when questioned by a stranger, she won’t usually attempt to sugarcoat much at all. Diana is quite caring, and is compassionate, unfortunately, this can also lead her to “forgive and forget” a bit too quickly. Diana, generally, is very cool under pressure. Being that most of her major accomplishments have been done in a few hours to a day, she knows how to manage an extremely short period of time to be very productive. She is quite intelligent, and learns the basics of something exceedingly quickly, though she often forgets the finer points. Because Sirnovicia was quite locked away from the rest of the civilized world, Diana finds people of other ethnicities and cultures fascinating. For example, most Sirnovicians have never seen a Lucin or Xitian, and they’ve become the stuff of legend to the townspeople. Because her mother, a trader, was quite knowledgeable with the outside world, Diana knows more about the world than your average citizen of Sirnovicia, but that’s truly not saying much.

Skills:

Fishing: Competent – Diana grew up in a small fishing village, you either fished, or you were worthless. Over the years, she’s grown to be quite good at it, and understands the mentality of a hungry fish, such as where the most appealing place to put your line is, and what type of fly you should use based on the environment and time. Though she’s quite experienced with catching the native trout and salmon, larger, marine fish would surprise her, and she’d most likely find herself unprepared.

Fly-Tying: Advanced – While Diana grew up fishing, people needed bait to catch them. Meat was too valuable to use, and inedible remains were often ineffective. For this reason, fly fishing became vital, as bait could be crafted from leftover crafting materials, without any price to the community. This is Diana’s strong suit, and she generally has a fly perfect for every occasion.


Glassmaking: Competent – When not engaged with fishing or fly-tying, Diana was able to learn glassmaking from the craftsmen, who were the same people who taught her to tie flies. While not notably skilled, she can easily make more simple objects, and it could be used as a completely viable source of income.

Swordsmaship: Novice – Diana has learned the basics of swordplay from a man on the ship, and she could potentially cause a threat if she took your character by surprise. But, overall, she would be easily beaten by most other characters in head on combat.

Backstory:
“The Black River is death, children. There are creatures within that will happily swallow you whole. If you were ever to fall in, you would likely be inhaled by some beats of this nature. But if you were fortunate enough to escape, the spirits of the cold would freeze you before you could see the village. But it is also life. It gives us our food and water. It lures the animals to our arrows, and the fish to our hooks. Therefore, you must realize that the river is the most primal and powerful of the elder spirits. Pay him proper respect, and you will find reward beyond comprehension. But show that you are not for him, and you will see that his vengeance is painful and without warning.” – Joseph Georghiev – Mayor of Sirnovicia

The town of Sirnovicia sits relatively isolated from the rest of the world by jagged mountains and inhospitably cold steppes, though the Black River gives vital access to traders, keeping the town alive. Our story begins with one of these trading caravans. A young merchant woman by the name of Juila Conway traveled by caravan from the fabled nation of Leonderia, a land that many Sirnovicians had only speculated about. Whilst in town, she met a young fisherman by the name of Nicholas Tsvetanov, and the two quickly bonded. After a few weeks, when the wares were all sold and the traders frozen, Julia promised to return to the bleak little town, and return she did, three more times. Upon her final visit, at the age of 25, she settled for good, and soon married the fisherman who had caused her residence. Two years later, their first child was born, Diana Tsvetanov.

Though isolated the town was, news of the civil wars reached Sirnovicia by means of the merchant caravans, when Diana was only three. With no standing army, and only a few trained warriors, the village would be completely defenseless, should an attack ever come. However, the townsmen took security in the fact that getting any sort of military camaign up the Black River would be painstakingly slow and dangerous. The entrance to the village would also be its wall.

Diana grew up like many of the working-class children, training to fulfill her duty to the community. She made friends and enemies, explored, fished, boated, fought. Though mildly more adventurous and curious than many of the other children, she lacked much of the courage needed to actually discover anything. Growing up, Diana had excelled naturally at many of the things she’d attempted, even if she gave little to no effort, and she definitely knew it. This sort of silent arrogance led to her defining trait of never doing anything on time. Always reasoning that even if she waited until the day after a deadline to start and finish something, it would likely be of the same quality, if not better than the other less-skilled children. It was a bad habit, but certainly not bad enough for her to ever put in the effort of changing it. Quite simply, it worked. Her instructors noted this quickly, and would often grow annoyed with the girl.

“Diana,” the man said, pulling her aside from his lesson, “you are quite possibly the most talented pupil in this group, but you do not listen, you do not work, and you only show your skill when forced. Why?” The instructor was referring to Diana’s latest creation, a damselfly-nymph fly that exceptionally imitated the miniscule insects, attracting hungry trout as if they had never eaten before. The lure given to her instructor three days late, and she had apparently done it without much effort in a matter of mere minutes. The 11 year old spoke obstinately, with a touch of boredom, to the man, “It’s just work. I’ll do what I have to.”

Her adolescent years revolved around supplying for the town that gave her life. She began to put her generally untapped skills into practice, fishing and tying, tying and fishing. She learned the rod and river as one learns a language, constantly adding new techniques and lures to her ever-growing vocabulary. When storms ripped through the town, ravaging houses, Diana learned to create glass for windows, from the town’s artisan, the same instructors who taught her to tie her first flies years ago. She used this skill to create windows and other damaged glass goods, such as cups and spectacles. Though she was indeed required to do this work, she thoroughly enjoyed it. Despite how dreadful and destructive the storms were, they were one of the few changes that ever occurred in town. Thus, she savored these moments when the winds brought down houses and lightning set fire to the forest.

As Diana grew older, news of the raging Civil War came more frequently, and was more brutal every time. But the townspeople never worried too much, their barricades of water and rock would ward off all enemies, there was no way the defenses would ever be breached. Such thoughts were ludicrous.

But all fortresses one day crumble. The day was a good one. The sun was shining, the river flowing, and the merchants had just arrived. This particular caravan was hiding something, though. In one of their cars was a huge stock of weapons and armor, to be delivered to a more southern city. News of this mobile arsenal had reached a particularly ruthless faction, The Blood Peak Clan. These skilled warriors from the southwest had been run into the north by enemy forces, and now the once quite formidable force simply didn't have the numbers or resources to pose a viable threat to any large settlements. Slowly recovering, the leaders realized that now would be the optimal time to attain the vast resources held by the caravan. Though the Clan was small, they far outnumbered the warriors in town. This was the best chance they'd ever have to get back in the war.

Townsmen watched in first wonder as five or so men appeared on the ridge. Traders would sometimes come over the mountains, occasionally even bringing strange animals down the river. The figures simly stood there fro several minutes, before one of the brought something to his mouth. A war horn sounded and hundreds of soldiers, armed to the teeth, rushed over the ridge and towards the town.

The initial charge was able to send most of the town running, and those that stood and fought were quickly annihilated. Diana and her mother ran towards the safety of the docks downriver. Arrows flew past them, finding their targets in fleeing peoples’ backs. Diana tried to sprint ahead of the crowd, holding onto her mother’s hand as she almost dragged the older woman behind her. It was then that she felt a sharp jolt in her mother’s hand, and suddenly it slipped off. She looked behind her, shocked to see her lying limp on the ground, an arrow lodged into her lower back. As two more arrows soared past her head, blinded by tears, she finished the run to the docks. Upon reaching the boats, it was clear that not everyone could board. The armed quickly began to slaughter each other, killing the friends they had kept so long for the hope of survival. The smarter citizens, however, realized that no one was taking the boats, amongst all this trauma and distress. The first three out of boats were quickly filled with these people, Diana being among them. They stole into the night, leaving only one boat left for the slower and those fighting. Diana sat silently in the corner, her vision clouded with tears, and awaited the sleepless nights ahead.

It took about two weeks for Diana’s boat to reach a large city, and there was a sullen look on every Sirnovician’s face as they silently walked through the gates of Provensia. The boats had been crowded at the start of the journey, yet now, everyone could comfortably fit. As the first Provensian night fell, criminals emerged from the alleyways, promising the misplaced townsmen work. It began when they approached a strong young man by the name of Joseph. The intimidating figures walked right up to the crowd of people, Diana hiding herself somewhere near the middle of the group. Arguments were had. Weapons were drawn.

17 Sirnovicians were dead by the time the sun rose.

It was then that the migrants knew they had to leave this wretched place. They all flooded to whatever boats could fit them, sailing to everywhere and anywhere. Looking far to the north, the land of her home, Diana bought a curved sword from one of the dock’s vendors, and boarded a ship to the Forbidden Continents.

Items brought with her:
1 Talwar Sword
Clothes
4 Gold Coins


 
#2
You can edit the titles of your threads now. This has been a new thing that came with us switching to this forum.

I'll get feedback to you ASAP.
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#3
Thanks, Michelle.


 
#4
You’re welcome! Okay, so feedback:

1. There’s a gap of information during the attack on Sirnovicia; the focus becomes more about what happened to Sirnovicia rather than what happened to Diana, and as a result it seems like the civil war had no impact on her. Remember that this is ultimately about Diana. What was her reaction to all this? What did she do? How did it help shape who she is today? Please elaborate.
2. Furthermore, your character’s backstory could use more detail overall, particularly with demonstrating your character’s personality. While you do have moments where Diana’s being who she is, you don’t really show how she became who she is. Please elaborate.

3....three organic fortresses walked over the mountains, leaving in their wake a sea of brutal warriors, seeking nothing but blood and fire. The elephants were able to send most of the town running...
Not sure what is going on in this part; are these literal elephants or are you being metaphorical? This is probably a reference I'm not understanding, but either way, the backstory needs to be understood on its own. Thus, you need to make this sound plausible and less out-of-context. Please revise and/or elaborate.

4. The personality description could use more detail as well. Currently, you’re completely in the right direction (she is flawed, unique, and something new for the setting), but I think you’ll probably find that after fixing the points above, there will be more to add to Diana’s personality description.
5.Glassmaking: Low Competent’ The staff all agree that the skill system is complicated enough, and that we don’t need specifics as far as ‘low competent’. Either she is competent, or apprentice (see the skill guide for more explanation); we’re okay with her being competent at glass-making, as fishing and fly-tying are simple, closely-related skills.

And that should be all for now. Good luck, and feel free to ask questions.
[Image: a88823d4-5335-49cc-91b4-f8c511e214f8_zps...1409225114]
#5
Hey, I made some edits that I think should do the trick:

1. I added a paragraph explaining her personal reaction to the attack, and I believe it shows that the Civil War did indeed affect her.

2. The two paragraphs I added help to explain details about Diana and her mentality.

3.I meant literal elephants. I've changed the wording to better convey this.

You said I needed to make this more plausible, and I'm not sure if you're saying that this couldn't happen, but here's the reasoning behind it.

Sirnovicia sits on the northern side of a rather wide (but not very tall) mountain range. It is on the windward side, giving it most the precipitation. On the southern side of the range, the environment might be described as a temperate savanna. It has many of the familiar savanna animals, but they are adapted to a mildly colder climate. The border between the savanna and the mountain range is where the Blood Peak Clan currently operates out of. With some planning, it would not have been impossible to make this journey with elephants, considering that Hannibal crossed the Alps to enter Italy with elephants, and this fictitious range is quite a bit lower than the Alps.

To recap. These are literal elephants. They are being used as siege weapons (The Blood Peak Clan has no idea what to expect from Sirnovicia or the merchant caravan). It would not have been impossible for them to cross the mountain range.

4. I significantly lengthened the personality description after gleaning some more traits out of the new paragraphs I wrote. I think this one is of acceptable detail and length.

5. I edited the Glassmaking skill to Competent.

Thank you for your help.
  


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