Alright, Fae, your feedback is here.
Bump the thread when you're done with the edits and we'll continue.
- First major question is this, Sidian left Ravenna a while before Lyrxi and Dusken, if this village of Xitians was close by, why did she not deliver it herself? This leads onto the next point...
- ‘Here, at this small Xitian village,’ I’m afraid this isn't lore-friendly. An Xitian settlement would attract a lot of attention, especially when very few remain in the Middle Realm.
Additionally, this begs the questions why, if there was a village worth of Xitians, why did Sidian not bring in help when trouble started or even let the Lucins gain a foothold? This all poses quite the problem. Please revise this.
- ‘Arua and the twins had gone with them’ Was Dusken not aware that Arua packed up the entirety of the town’s medical supplies and took them with her, leaving two injured and sick people to fend for themselves? We aren’t given any indication if she knew or if she had any views on this. Bear in mind that it is highly unlikely that she’d miss a town’s worth of medical supplies being taken. Please elaborate on this point.
- ‘say goodbye to Arua and the twins earlier in their journey’ When exactly and what happened? This seems as if it would be quite a major part of their 6 IC months away. Please add some more detail on this.
- ‘started their journey back home’ Now obviously the people, and the RP setting, have left Ravenna. They left soon before most of the townsfolk left by boat, how do they know where they went? Please explain this.
Bump the thread when you're done with the edits and we'll continue.