26-02-2014, 05:50 AM
The post has been updated and a second thread has been placed for Jie.
I do have to comment on that the 1st point you made is invalid due to the fact that it is mentioned several times in the journey description as to their goal and reasons why they left.
The 2nd point is vague and doesn't explain to me well as to which parts are an issue, but I changed and elaborated where I could so far.
I have also elaborated on Arua's supplies, even though this part comes over as redundant to me because it stays to the point that Lyrxi did NOT know. He never checked Arua's bags, or what she all took because he felt no reason to suddenly play stock-taker on her belongings.
on the 4th point, I made a change in my wording, but it comes down to the fact that there is no map out there of the forbidden lands and about no lore or mention of the towns in the Forbidden Lands, so I have to go vague here regardless and use terms like 'relatively' just to get past it and continue the story.
As for the 5th point, as commented at the start of this post, it has been taken care of.
I do have to comment on that the 1st point you made is invalid due to the fact that it is mentioned several times in the journey description as to their goal and reasons why they left.
The 2nd point is vague and doesn't explain to me well as to which parts are an issue, but I changed and elaborated where I could so far.
I have also elaborated on Arua's supplies, even though this part comes over as redundant to me because it stays to the point that Lyrxi did NOT know. He never checked Arua's bags, or what she all took because he felt no reason to suddenly play stock-taker on her belongings.
on the 4th point, I made a change in my wording, but it comes down to the fact that there is no map out there of the forbidden lands and about no lore or mention of the towns in the Forbidden Lands, so I have to go vague here regardless and use terms like 'relatively' just to get past it and continue the story.
As for the 5th point, as commented at the start of this post, it has been taken care of.