[Michelle]

Round two. Sorry this has taken a while; I need (and still need) some second opinions and haven't been able to get them.

1. The reason Diana ended up learning to make glass isn't very clear. Did she choose it on her own? If so, why? How does she feel about it? Please elaborate.

2. I'm still not sure about the elephant-siege thing, which is what I'm getting a second opinion for at the moment. Will let you know when the staff have a decision.

Otherwise, this looks okay. I would have posted this after I got the second opinion, but it's been almost two days since you updated, and I didn't want to stretch this out. So for now, you have something to work on at least.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

[Spitfire333]

Hey, thanks for the response.

1. I realized it wasn't very clear, and I elaborated on it, it should be acceptable now.

2. I've edited the elephants out, because they seem to be causing a bit of controversy, and they're not important at all. I just put them in for a little extra flavor. This part should be fine, now.

[Michelle]

Okay, but I would like to stress that the elephant thing wasn't really a controversy; no one was exploding in staff chat or anything. Due to a lack of knowledge and exposure to the field, I'm personally bad at judging the realism behind combat situations. Thus, this was just a tame case of 'I need some help, but my internet connection's not being nice and I can't wake up early enough to ask in staff chat'. So... if you'd like to change it back, go ahead. I will have to have it checked again, though.

However, I have had your current revision looked at by other staff, and it's mostly okay, aside from this part:
'...The Blood Peak Clan. These skilled warriors from the southwest now numbered in excess of 3,000, and had become a dominating force over the course of the war.'
This implies the Blood Peak Clan is a big enough influence on the Civil War to be heard of by others; a force like this would require a lore proposal. Your options are to either revise this so it wouldn't require a lore proposal (which would probably be the fastest option), or to submit a lore proposal and have it approved.

That should be all for now. Sorry this took a while again, my connection is slower than the thought process of a zombie.
Or Miley Cyrus. They could be the same thing.

Good luck.

EDIT: Oh! And it's nearing the end of an IC year, so you may want to either change the years in the backstory to keep the character 23, or simply make her 24.

[Spitfire333]

Hey, Michelle, I'm really sorry for the delay. Things got very hectic this week, and I didn't have much free time. At any rate, I've updated the size of the Blood Peak Clan and changed some years in the backstory, so now Diana is 23 entering the setting.

[Michelle]

It's cool.
This is accepted. Moving to character sheets.