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[Accepted] "A (fortunate?) return" ~ (Dusken's Tale)
#1
Dusken's view on things, were usually passive and contemplative, even as she tried her best to help out anyone she could, so the journey Lyrxi had been tasked with, to deliver treasured items for a dear friend of his, had her going along with it without a second thought. There had been no way she would let him travel alone - breaking up the family even temporarily was something she was unwilling to ever happen - and with the dire straits of Ravenna, she believed they'd do better traveling together, looking for help along the way.
Arua and the twins had gone with them, and that had made her happy while they traveled, even though the snows and the nights were rough at times. She put all her energy into keeping everyone together, safe, happy, warm... and traveling.
She had a feeling not every town would be welcoming, and she would often stay cheerful for her family even as they'd be turned down, to keep everyone's spirits up as they continued.

The journey was tiring, but it felt different than the last one she'd undertaken, and even as memories of that one threatened to overshadow her, she kept thinking ahead, instead.


At first, the trip was exhausting for all. They had little food in Ravenna, and therefore little food to be able to take with them on their journey. There was no easy way to gather anything along the way since it was still winter, and fishing was difficult even with the rivers nearby as they wanted to keep moving.
It wasn't until they reached their first town that the difficulties of traveling without enough food finally subsided some. Dusken used this opportunity to trade some of her gems, gold, and jewelry items to help the group stock up, while the others did their share of getting more food for the trip as well.

She had mixed feelings when Arua and the twins had left; It was good company and distraction to have Celyn and Fiore along for the trip, but the going was a bit slower, and the tent was warm if crowded with 6 of them, plus carrying the extra needed things such as blankets and bedrolls.
As luck would have it, Xemnes was found at one of the later villages, and with the happy reunion that followed, it was obvious that Arua, Fiore and Celyn would not be continuing on the journey with them. The two families made plans to stay in touch with letters when they can, and perhaps even visit once in awhile, as Dusken knew they'd all miss each other.
It took a little while longer to reach the area where they depended on Sidian's map solely to find landmarks that would lead them to the small secluded village where they were headed. The trail was little more than an animal trail along the forest, and by pure chance one of the hunters for the village found them, and traveled with them toward the village.


Reaching their destination was a comfort and relief, as they were able to finally rest for longer than a day, and recuperate their strength and supplies. The small village was more alike to Ravenna than she'd have expected; there was a mix of Mesalians as well as Xitians, and a wide variety of people doing varieties of jobs, keeping the village self-sustaining and hidden away in their seclusion. They were either mildly aloof due to them being strangers, or friendly, which Dusken knew pleased Jie greatly in comparison to their earlier part of the journey.
Here she was even able to repair a few things when asked, and make a few trinkets once those around her found out about her skills. As payment for that, as well as for other reasons, the smith helped repair or replace her jewelry making tools.

Leaving was a bit difficult as they'd already had to say goodbye to Arua and the twins earlier in their journey, but again, Dusken tried to look forward, and counted her blessings often as they started their journey back home.


The fact that they were unable to get help for Ravenna along the way did put a damper on her spirits; she worried almost constantly about how people were faring back in the town, keeping track of the season, thinking about when planting would begin, when someone could possibly go out and gather wild fruits or vegetables, perhaps find a herd of animals nearby, or the hunters bringing in more. She wasn't aware of why there was no more game around town, or that it would have continued into spring.
She tried to hide her worry as they traveled toward a port town that someone from the village gave them directions to, hoping that they'd arrive back in Ravenna and that things would have worked out.
Luckily, the boat they were on would travel past Alroc where most everyone has located to, and their journey would be completed.

[Image: DuskenJeweler_banner.jpg]
#2
Alright, Fae, your feedback is here.
  • First major question is this, Sidian left Ravenna a while before Lyrxi and Dusken, if this village of Xitians was close by, why did she not deliver it herself? This leads onto the next point...
  • ‘Here, at this small Xitian village,’ I’m afraid this isn't lore-friendly. An Xitian settlement would attract a lot of attention, especially when very few remain in the Middle Realm.

    Additionally, this begs the questions why, if there was a village worth of Xitians, why did Sidian not bring in help when trouble started or even let the Lucins gain a foothold? This all poses quite the problem. Please revise this.
  • ‘Arua and the twins had gone with them’ Was Dusken not aware that Arua packed up the entirety of the town’s medical supplies and took them with her, leaving two injured and sick people to fend for themselves? We aren’t given any indication if she knew or if she had any views on this. Bear in mind that it is highly unlikely that she’d miss a town’s worth of medical supplies being taken. Please elaborate on this point.
  • ‘say goodbye to Arua and the twins earlier in their journey’ When exactly and what happened? This seems as if it would be quite a major part of their 6 IC months away. Please add some more detail on this.
  • ‘started their journey back home’ Now obviously the people, and the RP setting, have left Ravenna. They left soon before most of the townsfolk left by boat, how do they know where they went? Please explain this.

Bump the thread when you're done with the edits and we'll continue.
#3
(22-02-2014, 11:07 PM)Northmark Wrote:
  • First major question is this, Sidian left Ravenna a while before Lyrxi and Dusken, if this village of Xitians was close by, why did she not deliver it herself? This leads onto the next point...

This is more of Sidian's story to tell, not Dusken's, but I can explain.

Sidian had expected to not be able to return to her family, and so she'd made a will. This included asking Lyrxi to return a few items to them for her, as she'd expected to not have the chance to, herself. Those items included a letter to her brothers, and the twin bladed rings, and the bladed staff.
It turned into less of a death, and more of a personal exile. She was of the opinion that she was no longer worthy of the family name or its treasures, and did not want to return to them, believing it was better that they thought her dead than a failure. Therefore, she still needed someone else to take those family heirlooms back to them.
The village wasn't -that- close, but it was close enough to send letters back and forth during non-winter seasons via bats.

Quote:
  • ‘Here, at this small Xitian village,’ I’m afraid this isn't lore-friendly. An Xitian settlement would attract a lot of attention, especially when very few remain in the Middle Realm.

In Sidian's background, there was explanation about her family traveling and making contact with other Xitian refugees and clans. It was vague on purpose, due to it being around the Civil War time, but there's still Xitians around Middle Realm in other stories.
When she got her brothers to leave the Mainlands to go to the Forbidden Lands with her, a few others came with, and contact was kept with the others as best as possible across the ocean.
Yes, a Xitian settlement of any sort would attract a lot of attention; whether it was in Mainlands or in Forbidden Lands, but the FL areas are thought to be much less explored, and the village would most likely have been remote. It wasn't supposed to be many people there, and there would have been Xitian sympathisers with them as well for the population.
This is where Sidian came from right before entering the setting. This is where her middle brother stayed, and kept in contact with her and their older brother.

Quote:
  • Additionally, this begs the questions why, if there was a village worth of Xitians, why did Sidian not bring in help when trouble started or even let the Lucins gain a foothold? This all poses quite the problem. Please revise this.

For one, this was Sidian's quest - to come here, and find truth to rumors about things that could possibly help the Dusk Gate be re-opened. She'd gathered the people she could that she thought necessary, and traveled to Ravenna.
ICly, "Bringing help" wasn't ever an option she considered. There wouldn't have been a good reason to try and bring in an entire village of other people, to Ravenna, when those people are a bit more like the current Ravenites - not all were soldiers or combat-oriented, plus Sidian was a diplomat. Considering the amount of trouble that was already caused by her group being there, trying to bring in more Xitians would be irresponsible.
OOCly; there wasn't a feasible way to even attempt this, in my opinion. If they were NPC's, then the plot would have been much more complicated, and OP.
There -were- a few things I had thought of; if Sidian had known about the trade cut-off, perhaps she'd have asked for supplies, or set up a new trade route. But, OOCly again, there was a storyline we were trying to follow, and some of these things were just not quite following what we wanted to accomplish. Plus, I would have needed to get permission for such a thing as it would have affected the server/setting, and such.

Quote:
  • ‘Arua and the twins had gone with them’ Was Dusken not aware that Arua packed up the entirety of the town’s medical supplies and took them with her, leaving two injured and sick people to fend for themselves? We aren’t given any indication if she knew or if she had any views on this. Bear in mind that it is highly unlikely that she’d miss a town’s worth of medical supplies being taken. Please elaborate on this point.

What Dusken knew was that Arua had brought medical supplies with them, that she'd made and prepared herself, as what seemed the usual to do when a healer goes on a trip.
OOCly, Cerb mentioned that since it was winter, the medical supplies were naturally low. All of the supplies in the Healing house were what Arua had gathered and made herself, which can't do much of during winter. There were also a couple other people who have been doing basic combat medic-things that could continue doing so, and at least one herbalist-person which means the town wasn't without at least basic healing, even if the supplies they may have had to find from other places. As for the amount of supplies; that would be cerb's story to tell, really, but according to him there wasn't a 'towns worth' left as it was.

Quote:
  • ‘say goodbye to Arua and the twins earlier in their journey’ When exactly and what happened? This seems as if it would be quite a major part of their 6 IC months away. Please add some more detail on this.

This does need explained better, but as it involved Arua and the twins, and her side of the story, as well as more vagueness, I ended up not expanding.
I also am not as good at explaining things that happened to my char, but that I didn't get to RP out, so this was left vague.
This, I'll try to add a bit more detail, a paragraph or two, about. I'll make it in a different color so it's easy to spot.

Quote:
  • ‘started their journey back home’ Now obviously the people, and the RP setting, have left Ravenna. They left soon before most of the townsfolk left by boat, how do they know where they went? Please explain this.

The real difficult part of this is that time flies so quickly. When we made the return apps, we were looking at 6 months, but give or take depending on when we were getting accepted and stuff. We tried to have it so that we were visiting towns while going both directions, or trying to.
The idea that we were heading already in this direction (due to vagueness and whatnot of both where ANY village is, and where the Xitian village was vs. Ravenna vs. Alroc), was just so that we can explain why we got here, instead of going back to Ravenna and THEN try to get to Alroc, in the allotted time.
This is also sort of why we did joint return app to begin with; so that the same thing didn't need to be repeated three times, and so we could keep coordinated with the reasons and explanations.
[Image: DuskenJeweler_banner.jpg]
#4
With Zark's help: (all edits are in blue. including previous ones. Otherwise explanations are in the previous post.)

Explained the beginning of their journey a bit more; dealing with the food shortage.

Explained that the small village was small, mixed with Mesalians, and is secluded and self-sustaining. Mentioned that the map given to Lyrxi by Sidian is how they found it.

Explained how the failure to find help for Ravenna affected her at the end of the journey.

Edited more to the end to mention the boat travel back toward Ravenna, stopping at Alroc along the way, can explain their speed.
[Image: DuskenJeweler_banner.jpg]
#5
Very good, Fae. Looks like the Minwus are coming back.
  


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[Accepted] "A (fortunate?) return" ~ (Dusken's Tale)00