[That_one_niceguy]

bump, although you may wonder how i rode down a shield down an avalanche it was once the snow had settled and it was able to be ridden without being engulfed

[Hutchy]

Alright, Niceguy, next round.

it was once the snow had settled and it was able to be ridden without being engulfed

Snow boards are designed for snow boarding, shields aren't. Depending on what kind of shield we're talking about here, he's going to lose his balance every few feet, it's not going to move, or he's just going to plow a shield-shaped hole into the snow. More to the point, when did he start fighting with a shield again? As I understand it he fought with two hand weapons.

he packed food for a long ride then set off

So if he's going this far on his own, why not just cut and run? He's looking for freedom, knows this target's reputation and has the perfect opportunity to cut his losses. Why does he stick around to see tis through when he's got the golden opportunity?

a loud crack that shook the mountains

I'm getting the impression that you mean to say he used explosives to set off this avalanche. If this is the case, he would need some pretty extensive training, explosives in Mesalia are notoriously volatile. 

were welcomed with an arrow

For this part, I'm more concerned that he's not been described as getting any archery training, but now can apparently deliver kill shits from snow boarding on a shield. Did something change?

weigh him down too much into the snow

If we're talking as much snow as your 'average' avalanche, and enough to bury most of the camp and Xitians with it, he's going to sink into it regardless of how light his gear is.

with enough power to turn their metal red with heat

It looks like you might have misunderstood Xitians' powers. They don't constantly irradiate heat, doing so requires both concentration and physical effort on their part. Doing such surrounded by snow and ice is going to weaken him significantly, to a point where a fight likely wouldn't even happen. Also, swords being this hot for even a short amount of time would make them prone to shattering, or simply melt them. Can't imagine this guy would want his swords melting.

broken and fractured bones

Injuries like this are usually fight-enders in themselves. There's not many people can keep going while nursing a fractured bone, let alone a broken one.


In all honesty, I think it might be easier if you follow my advice from the first point. If these mercenaries who apparently held him prisoner for most of his life while training him to fight and such are stupid enough to let him go off for weeks on his own, then they've openly given Cadwgan his opportunity to run for the metaphorical hills. Not every character needs some massive, heroic deed under their belt to be a good one.

Consider this when you make your edits. See you then.

[That_one_niceguy]

Bump, i took out the battle scene  and decided a common character would be best to keep with, although now he is going to be a tad worried about his old merc group.

[Hutchy]

Right, Niceguy. Final round.





Kidding, I think you're good to go. Check your messages.