24-05-2013, 07:32 PM
Hi, Brew. Welcome back.
1. Your application requires proofreading, especially with organisation of ideas, paragraphing, tense and capitalisation. Please revise, as this makes your application extremely difficult to follow (and therefore review).
2. Your characterâs personality requires more explicit detail. Currently, your character doesnât seem like he is much outside of his depression and hope for a better life; we need to see more. Note that describing your characterâs personality solely with traits is no longer considered acceptable here. Please elaborate and/or revise.
3. Your characterâs skill set needs to be more exhaustive and explicit. What you have mentioned thus far is considered too vague. For example, what does âknifingâ or âhistoryâ involve specifically? Also, try to use words to indicate skill level as opposed to numbers (especially as you do not specify what your scale is indicative of). Please revise.
Thatâs all, for now. When this is easier to read, you will receive more comprehensive feedback. Please take your time to ensure your application is up to scratch next time round; if you think itâs lacking at 2am, then perhaps wait until youâve gone over it with sleep before posting. Good luck.
1. Your application requires proofreading, especially with organisation of ideas, paragraphing, tense and capitalisation. Please revise, as this makes your application extremely difficult to follow (and therefore review).
2. Your characterâs personality requires more explicit detail. Currently, your character doesnât seem like he is much outside of his depression and hope for a better life; we need to see more. Note that describing your characterâs personality solely with traits is no longer considered acceptable here. Please elaborate and/or revise.
3. Your characterâs skill set needs to be more exhaustive and explicit. What you have mentioned thus far is considered too vague. For example, what does âknifingâ or âhistoryâ involve specifically? Also, try to use words to indicate skill level as opposed to numbers (especially as you do not specify what your scale is indicative of). Please revise.
Thatâs all, for now. When this is easier to read, you will receive more comprehensive feedback. Please take your time to ensure your application is up to scratch next time round; if you think itâs lacking at 2am, then perhaps wait until youâve gone over it with sleep before posting. Good luck.
![[Image: a88823d4-5335-49cc-91b4-f8c511e214f8_zps...1409225114]](http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g158/mnguy3/a88823d4-5335-49cc-91b4-f8c511e214f8_zpsf21a961a.png?t=1409225114)