Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
[Trashed] Brew's Application
#1
In Game Name(IGN):
Brewstone

Why do you want to join?
I flipped a coin and i came up heads and I've asked myself if I want to too many times so I decided to put my demons to rest. Also, I have free time over the summer.

Do you have any RP'ing experience?
DnD, here, numerous rpgs

Tell us a bit about yourself:
I swear to the Great Lord Glaxablor that if you don't call me Brew or Mr. Brewstone I will destroy you.
Brewstone...a name to inspire fear and laughter in all I face. They tremble at my mighty puns and my laugh as my Runed Spellblade slices them into pieces. I have conquered the Lich King, I have become the Lich King, I am Eternal, and a Magus of the Order of the Midnight Sun. I was the terror of the realms, and I have controlled the World of Darkness. I am Brewstone, Gamer, Roleplayer, Reader, and all around nice guy. You have been warned. I do not suffer fools gladly and people that cannot use proper English will fall at my feet. Taste the Brew, rest upon the Stone, but never underestimate the Brewstone.

Your Character Biography:

A lone figure, wandering. He had a name at one point. Now he simply responds to “boy” or “you”. He has no permanent home and his solitary existence is one of sadness. With nothing left to go on he continues his journey hoping, maybe, to find what he isn't looking for.

It might be wealth. He had been an adventurer for a time, but his slim figure and weak build left him struggling with any but the smallest of weapons. It might be a challenge he searches for. He had been a street performer, before people had grown tired of his small repertoire of tricks and stunts. He might have been after knowledge. He had tried being a school teacher, even had an apprenticeship, but his ability to recall details is poor and he was shortly let go. It seems that the only thing he is good for is walking the length and breadth of the land searching for somewhere to belong. His skills are lacking, but so is his age.

At the age of 16 he has not yet come into his majority and yet he wanders alone with no one to look after him. After roaming marauders had destroyed his town from within, Valmythrall (for that was the boy's name) had tried to escape and had succeeded. One of the few accomplishments of his short life. He was left an orphan, wandering the world at the tender age of 9. Luck was with the boy when a few others that had escaped the town found the small boy lurking around the outskirts and swiftly left the ruins of their former home.

Valmythrall was saddened by the loss of his home, it had been a good one. His parents had promised to take him out hiking and camping high up in the mountains for his 10th birthday. His mother, with her son's pale skin and fiery hair, had had a temper completely at home in the calm of the mountains. She was loving and sweet and enjoyed tending the small garden they had to supplement Valmythrall's father's hunting. The loss of his mother saddened Valmythrall the most. She had sung songs to him while he was drifting off to sleep and now that would never happen again. During his childhood Valmythrall was left alone: he played in the woods, he “helped” in the garden (like many small children do), and he was kind to animals (for he had few friends in the village). His father wasn't around very often, but when he was at home he was caring towards the small child and loved him dearly. He would sometimes take the young Valmythrall into the woods and teach him of the plants and animals that roamed the area, these were some of the happiest of Valmythrall's memories. Nothing would have made his father happier than to know that Valmythrall had escaped the villains that had taken his own life.

While the other refugees were kind, they could not match his parents. They also had their own problems and left Valmythrall at an orphanage in the quiet mountain town of Alendra. At the orphanage, Valmythrall was provided for, he took many classes on reading and writing, even a few on history. And when he had free time he, and a few of the other orphans, would sneak out into the nearby woods and set up small camps, roughly made of fallen wood. Sneaking away for a day or two to sleep out under the stars, eating food saved from meal times reheated over a roaring fire. It filled some small void that had been present in his heart since he lost his parents and the other orphans appreciated the camaraderie, despite Valmythrall being mostly pensive during these small vacations from the order of the orphanage.

While Valmythrall was included in many groups and never lacked for friends he was always shy and hesitant, constantly stalked by a feeling of sadness for the life he lost. Unlike many of the other orphans he had known his parents, so at night he would occasionally cry into his thin blanket, and when the orphans were released at the age of 13 with the kind words of “you're old enough to take care of yourself, good luck.” his calm nature become sadder and more wanting of attention instead of becoming cold and uncaring like many of the orphans.

Once he left the orphanage and went out into the real world luck decided to once again shine on Valmythrall as he shortly found an inn that was looking for someone to help keep the place running, the innkeeper was very old and his movements were slowing down. Valmythrall was hired by the innkeeper and life was good once more. It could have been anyone that got a chance to shape Valmythrall during this crucial time but it was the innkeeper. Valmythrall learned to look up to the old innkeeper, he was kind and honest and treated Valmythrall like a son, he even included him in his will. Under the innkeeper's kind tutelage Valmythrall's sadness started to evaporate, his shyness started to disappear, he became more bold and happier. Valmythrall himself became kind and honest, just like the innkeeper. Life was finally perfect for Valmythrall. However, just as Valmythrall was truly happy, Fate intervened once again.

One day, after working for the innkeeper almost a year, Valmythrall heard a crash upstairs and went to investigate. There he found the innkeeper dead on the floor, with nothing to indicate how he died. Valmythrall told the town Elder of the mysterious death and how he believed it to be a rival of his beloved innkeeper, but the evidence was against Valmythrall. A dead innkeeper, Valmythrall in his will, no one saw the innkeeper die. While the Elder could not prove Valmythrall killed the innkeeper he still ordered Valmythrall exiled from the town or he would be imprisoned as a murderer. He had one week to leave. The options were grim. Valmythrall could stay and live painfully and stand up for what he believed was right, or he could leave as quickly as possible and hope that trouble didn't follow. Not knowing what to do, Valmythrall took his week's wages from the innkeeper's money chest, got all the guests to leave, and fled town with the clothes on his back and the money in his pocket.

Valmythrall traveled for only about a week on foot, but it felt like forever, he had the constant feeling that someone would come from behind and take him prisoner. That maybe he would die out on the road instead of the town. To his immense pleasure, Valmythrall made it to the next town over, Medellia, without incident. Upon arriving Valmythrall quickly went in search of some sort of work. The money he had would not last long and it certainly wouldn't cover the cost of lodgings. The first offer he received, a teaching position, was taken immediately. The school offered to train Valmythrall, give him an apprenticeship, as long as he already had a basic education. Everything went fine for a few weeks teaching the small children history, but the headmaster was displeased with Valmythrall's habit of forgetting details and so after a few weeks he was let go, with another small amount of coin to scrap by on.

As Valmythrall wandered the town searching for any speck of work he came across a performer, dressed in colorful clothes, and performing in front of a large audience on the street. They were throwing coins at the performer, and he truly seemed happy. “It seems,” thought Valmythrall, “that there are other ways of earning money besides having a job.” So he found three semi-round rocks and started to learn how to juggle. At first his “performing” was closer to begging. His juggling was poor and his showmanship was poor. However, he eventually saved up enough money to buy a true set of juggler's balls. A rhythm developed and, while he didn't have much to eat and had to sleep on the street, a form of happiness come to Valmythrall.

Alas the poor child could still not be happy, for just one month before his 15h birthday the people grew tired of his tricks and started to throw rocks instead of coins. And so with no money, no food, and no home, Valmythrall tried to join the militia. He was so weak and malnourished that the militia was hesitant to accept him, but they gave him until his next birthday to get into fighting condition. He tried, he truly did, but Valmythrall couldn't gain the muscle mass they wanted, he was still too weak for all but the smallest sword, really a glorified dagger. He had no other skills the militia wanted and, as they were checking him for any of the militia's items, they sarcastically told him that maybe he would do better as an adventurer. So he tried being an adventurer, he sold his juggler's balls and used the last of his money to buy a dagger, poorly made.

It worked out well, he made more money than he did as a performer. He checked various notice boards all around the town of Medellia and would answer people's posting for someone to help with their problems. This lasted for a whole year, scavenging for any sort of work that people would offer him. However, after a day sitting in a tree hiding from a pack of wolves, he realized that maybe it would be better to pick a safer profession. He made his way back into the town and sold his dagger. He took the money he had earned with his “adventuring” and sold his dagger to buy a cheap red robe and some food for the journey and a boat ride to the Forbidden Lands, the one place where anyone is welcome. Valmythrall left for the Forbidden Lands on his 16th birthday.

Upon arriving to the town he wandered away from the town looking for somewhere to camp out one more night, however he found a trail leading farther away and decided to follow it. He has no idea what's at the end of the path, but as he walk he feels something he hasn't felt in a long time. He can't put a name to what it is, but most people call it hope.


Personality:

His personality is designed to be a little under-developed, but what is present is a core of pure iron. He has firm beliefs in being kind and honest.

He is persistent, as shown in his hunt for some sort of place in the world, he will keep going on until he is happy or until he breaks, but he has yet to find where his breaking point it.

His kindness is great, while he might not be generous actually being mean to someone is almost impossible for the young lad.

However, don’t confuse kindness with politeness, he learned very, very, few manners during his time with his parents and at the orphanage so he is still a diamond in the rough.

He believes everyone to be as good an nice as himself until proven otherwise. It is easier for him to like everyone than to hate anyone.

Anger and hate are practically unknown to Valmythrall. Unless they are truly an awful person on a regular basis he will try to rationalize some bad behavior in others. He also feels more disappointmnt in others instead of anger.

He is incredibly tactless. He is very bad at skirting tough issues and prefers a direct and honest approach instead of beating around the bush. Depending on how he views the person he will try and spare their feelings, but he still values honesty above all.

However, Valmythrall will hardly, if ever, be intentionally cruel to someone in pursuit of honesty. If someone asks a question about their appearance, for example, he will find it difficult to be anything but truthful. Although, depending on how much he likes this person, he will try harder to spare their feelings while still remaining honest.

The other main part of his personality is his sadness. He lost his parents at a young age, his mentor slightly later, was exiled from a town, then nearly forced out of another, he has had a rough life. Instead of getting angry at fate, he will try to plod on through but this means that he can over-react to kindness. Any small act of caring or kindness will be seen as if he was just given a horde of gold. He still frequently cries at night as he is haunted by specters from his past and could be seen to be afraid of the dark for those same reasons. His biggest fear and worry is that he will amount to nothing and will constantly be shifted around from one place to another where no one wants him.

Lastly, he still is searching for a roll model. He attached to the innkeeper for a time, but he never gave his share of hero worship, so don't be surprised if the first person to do more than give a kind word to the boy becomes his new idea of perfection and he strives towards it, although this will simply be to mold his current personality, not get rid of the traits present.

Specify your character's skills:

Using a knife: Could hit something the size of a human torso at about 10ft(3.05m) with a decent(~50%) chance to hit with the blade, but not with much force.

History: Knows a general history, it's fairly recent, only about 30 years worth. This includes vague details on the end of the War of Veld, the leaving for the Forbidden Land, the Purge, and the Civil War.

Performance: He once knew how to juggle but he hasn't used that skill in a long time. At his best he could juggle four medium sized balls of the same shape and size. He could maybe get back into it, but it would take some time to get into practice.

"Survival": Has trial and error'd his way into a few berries that aren't outright poisonous, can build small fires if nothing is wet, can travel cross country by scraping by.


Do your character bring anything to the setting (apart from clothes)?
No

Anything you'd like to add:

Clearly he followed the trail of the other travelers.

Update: I will not be able to get on minecraft however I will be able to update my application from my iPod in the evenings.
It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It's called living.
#2
Hi, Brew. Welcome back.

1. Your application requires proofreading, especially with organisation of ideas, paragraphing, tense and capitalisation. Please revise, as this makes your application extremely difficult to follow (and therefore review).
2. Your character’s personality requires more explicit detail. Currently, your character doesn’t seem like he is much outside of his depression and hope for a better life; we need to see more. Note that describing your character’s personality solely with traits is no longer considered acceptable here. Please elaborate and/or revise.
3. Your character’s skill set needs to be more exhaustive and explicit. What you have mentioned thus far is considered too vague. For example, what does ‘knifing’ or ‘history’ involve specifically? Also, try to use words to indicate skill level as opposed to numbers (especially as you do not specify what your scale is indicative of). Please revise.

That’s all, for now. When this is easier to read, you will receive more comprehensive feedback. Please take your time to ensure your application is up to scratch next time round; if you think it’s lacking at 2am, then perhaps wait until you’ve gone over it with sleep before posting. Good luck.
[Image: a88823d4-5335-49cc-91b4-f8c511e214f8_zps...1409225114]
#3
A lot of general formatting.

Added to/changed the history a little.
Most of the changes happened in paragraphs 4 and 6

Added paragraph form.

Performed a more thorough spell check.

Inserted a note concerning his skills and personality that will hopefully, along with the added information, satisfy the personality requirement.
It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It's called living.
#4
Okay, I'm leaving for Germany at 9 a.m. website time tomorrow, Sunday the 26th. I'll be on a plane all day so I'll be able to check it out late tomorrow or late Monday. If it ends up being later than that, just go ahead and achieve, trash it, etc. Ill make a copy of it and reapply later if I cant get internet/time in Germany.
It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It's called living.
#5
Okay, I think I fixed everything that changed with the forum reset and updated the story a little with a more detailed skill list, better word choice, and fixed the flow of the story.
It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It's called living.
  


Forum Jump:

[Trashed] Brew's Application00