Generic: I tried adding more to the app instead of rewriting it but it ended up being like three pages so I just rewrote parts of it. Mainly I just changed the style a bit to be more descriptive and I added some parts to fill in the description I was missing.
1: Thanks, I'm stuck on an ipod so getting everything perfect is really difficult and the random autocorrects make things almost impossible.
2: I added ages and time frames for most major events, so that should be taken care of.
3: Skills
a: I added about a paragraph for each smaller job he took. Each involves why he chose it, how he performed it, and why he quit.
b: I removed archery, I have no idea why I had that in there. In addition, I added that he learned most of his other skills in and out of the orphanage, I can add more explicit detail but I think that the current form should be fine.
c: I just cut that part, after reading it again it didn't make much sense. Also I added where he learned his skills, see response 3b.
d: It's about 30 years worth. Which includes the "Age of Rebirth" section of the lore. This includes vague details on the end of the War, the leaving for the Forbidden Land, the Purge, and the Civil War.
4: I was trying to say that he didn't know who he was himself and that, compared to most 16yr olds, he was lacking even more personality and skills. I know that it's a rough time in most people's lives, and that he does have personality and skills, it's just from his life they're very muddled and not well formed. Similar to a block of marble that has been have sculpted, but isn't finished yet. However, I did add more personality to the backstory showing his persistence and kind nature, but he's still mildly sad, sort of like a kicked puppy.
1: Thanks, I'm stuck on an ipod so getting everything perfect is really difficult and the random autocorrects make things almost impossible.
2: I added ages and time frames for most major events, so that should be taken care of.
3: Skills
a: I added about a paragraph for each smaller job he took. Each involves why he chose it, how he performed it, and why he quit.
b: I removed archery, I have no idea why I had that in there. In addition, I added that he learned most of his other skills in and out of the orphanage, I can add more explicit detail but I think that the current form should be fine.
c: I just cut that part, after reading it again it didn't make much sense. Also I added where he learned his skills, see response 3b.
d: It's about 30 years worth. Which includes the "Age of Rebirth" section of the lore. This includes vague details on the end of the War, the leaving for the Forbidden Land, the Purge, and the Civil War.
4: I was trying to say that he didn't know who he was himself and that, compared to most 16yr olds, he was lacking even more personality and skills. I know that it's a rough time in most people's lives, and that he does have personality and skills, it's just from his life they're very muddled and not well formed. Similar to a block of marble that has been have sculpted, but isn't finished yet. However, I did add more personality to the backstory showing his persistence and kind nature, but he's still mildly sad, sort of like a kicked puppy.