17-08-2013, 11:01 AM
Looking better, good job! Now there's just a few details and you'll hopefully be ready to go.
1) You mention he's no killer, yet also mention later that he and his father would kill to steal clothes.
2) Try to add his thoughts to the story. If he as example had to kill people or watch his father kill people after all, what did he think of this? What did he think of what he was taught? How did he take having to leave his first home where he grew up and what did he think of the battles? Etc.
3) You mention at the end that your character ran to the Forbidden Lands. It is a small but important detail that the Forbidden Lands must be reached by ship. So just adjust that too.
Good luck, you're almost there now!
1) You mention he's no killer, yet also mention later that he and his father would kill to steal clothes.
2) Try to add his thoughts to the story. If he as example had to kill people or watch his father kill people after all, what did he think of this? What did he think of what he was taught? How did he take having to leave his first home where he grew up and what did he think of the battles? Etc.
3) You mention at the end that your character ran to the Forbidden Lands. It is a small but important detail that the Forbidden Lands must be reached by ship. So just adjust that too.
Good luck, you're almost there now!