26-11-2016, 09:05 AM
Hello there tadg11, I'll be grading your application.
Large but nonexistent: You mentioned in the backstory that Nic was born to a "large" family, yet there are no interactions whatsoever between Nic and the other members of the family except for his father. Considering the family was already large when Nic was born, it is curious that he should be the one to follow in his father's footsteps.
I'd like to know more about the interactions would have taken place between Nic and the other members of the family. Was there nobody at all in the entire family that backed Nic up in his aspirations? Surely if Nic was being chosen to take up the trade next, the other siblings would be in other professions, and thus perhaps wouldn't be so biased towards blacksmiths. Please consider such questions in your next edit.
Childhood: Linked to the previous point, I'd like you to add some details on his childhood. How was he raised? Since he was born and raised in the town, did he know Enica as a child? The way interactions revolves around Nic sounds as if he had only recently moved into the town, which is quite confusing, to be frank. For example the line: "He got to speak with the rest of the town and the warmed up to him quickly due to his generally happy personality." makes it sound as if he never had the chance to speak with the rest of the town, which is odd considering he spent nearly two decades in it. Please elaborate this point in your next edit.
Detached and isolated?: There are events that took place in the Middle Realm that ravaged the lands. The Civil Wars that went on for twenty years or so, the reopening of the portal to the Dusk Realm, and the emergence of dragons are some of the recent events that took place. I'd like to know how Nic's life was affected by such events or how it wasn't affected, in which case I'd also like to know why. I suggest taking a look at our Lore as reference.
Advanced Skillset: So, skills. As of now, Nic has the following skillset:
Cuisine - Advanced
Swordsmanship - Competent
Smithing - Basic
Survival - Basic
First of all, I'd ask you to change the Cuisine skill to Baking skill since Nic was trained to be specifically a Baker, under his father's tutelage. It's rather difficult to imagine he would know how to cook a wide variety of dishes, and since baking bread and cooking are two rather different things, I'd have to ask you to change this, that is, unless you can back it up in the backstory to retain it as Cuisine.
Secondly, the skill levels are too high. By my understanding, Nic only trained "sometimes" with Enica, and most of their time was spent talking, which I'm afraid isn't enough to warrant a competent skill grade in swordsmanship. Also considering Nic rather disliked his training with his father and sneaked off to talk to Enica, an Advanced skill grade is also a bit too high. I quote from our skill guide: "Characters around this age who strive for an advanced skill don't have time or experience to have other skills."
Based on the current backstory, I would suggest pulling Cuisine(Baking) skill down to Competent and Swordsmanship to Apprentice.
Lastly, just as a note, Persuasion is more of an rp skill, which means the proficiency of the skill depends on your roleplay, which is why I didn't add it to the skillset.
I think that is it for now. Please bump the thread once you're done editing.
-=oOo=-
Large but nonexistent: You mentioned in the backstory that Nic was born to a "large" family, yet there are no interactions whatsoever between Nic and the other members of the family except for his father. Considering the family was already large when Nic was born, it is curious that he should be the one to follow in his father's footsteps.
I'd like to know more about the interactions would have taken place between Nic and the other members of the family. Was there nobody at all in the entire family that backed Nic up in his aspirations? Surely if Nic was being chosen to take up the trade next, the other siblings would be in other professions, and thus perhaps wouldn't be so biased towards blacksmiths. Please consider such questions in your next edit.
Childhood: Linked to the previous point, I'd like you to add some details on his childhood. How was he raised? Since he was born and raised in the town, did he know Enica as a child? The way interactions revolves around Nic sounds as if he had only recently moved into the town, which is quite confusing, to be frank. For example the line: "He got to speak with the rest of the town and the warmed up to him quickly due to his generally happy personality." makes it sound as if he never had the chance to speak with the rest of the town, which is odd considering he spent nearly two decades in it. Please elaborate this point in your next edit.
Detached and isolated?: There are events that took place in the Middle Realm that ravaged the lands. The Civil Wars that went on for twenty years or so, the reopening of the portal to the Dusk Realm, and the emergence of dragons are some of the recent events that took place. I'd like to know how Nic's life was affected by such events or how it wasn't affected, in which case I'd also like to know why. I suggest taking a look at our Lore as reference.
Advanced Skillset: So, skills. As of now, Nic has the following skillset:
Cuisine - Advanced
Swordsmanship - Competent
Smithing - Basic
Survival - Basic
First of all, I'd ask you to change the Cuisine skill to Baking skill since Nic was trained to be specifically a Baker, under his father's tutelage. It's rather difficult to imagine he would know how to cook a wide variety of dishes, and since baking bread and cooking are two rather different things, I'd have to ask you to change this, that is, unless you can back it up in the backstory to retain it as Cuisine.
Secondly, the skill levels are too high. By my understanding, Nic only trained "sometimes" with Enica, and most of their time was spent talking, which I'm afraid isn't enough to warrant a competent skill grade in swordsmanship. Also considering Nic rather disliked his training with his father and sneaked off to talk to Enica, an Advanced skill grade is also a bit too high. I quote from our skill guide: "Characters around this age who strive for an advanced skill don't have time or experience to have other skills."
Based on the current backstory, I would suggest pulling Cuisine(Baking) skill down to Competent and Swordsmanship to Apprentice.
Lastly, just as a note, Persuasion is more of an rp skill, which means the proficiency of the skill depends on your roleplay, which is why I didn't add it to the skillset.
-=oOo=-
I think that is it for now. Please bump the thread once you're done editing.